Do I give up?

[Polkadotsandspottyspots]

Really looking for some other opinions / experiences as I feel totally lost with feeding my 5 week old. I was desperate to breastfeed her as I didn’t get the chance with my toddler for various reasons and really wanted that experience. However, it hasn’t been easy. She didn’t latch at all until 3 weeks and so I started exclusively pumping. Even now her latch is very intermittent and inconsistent - sometimes I’ll get a few proper feeding attempts a day and sometimes I can’t get her on for days in a row, so I’m still pumping a lot but also now spending a lot of time trying to breastfeed. My poor toddler is totally neglected and acting up a lot. I can’t really get out as spending so much of every day pumping or feeding. DH is incredibly helpful when around but works long hours. I so wanted the experience of breastfeeding and don’t really want to give up the chance now (especially as my supply is so good and we have made latching progress, even if slow) but also this feels unsustainable. Anyone been through similar? How did it pan out?

First 6 weeks are very rough, but it should get better. If she can't latch then you need to see a lactation consultant for a tongue tie and latch assessment or go to a local breastfeeding group at the very least. If you can't get to either of those then I would suggest:

1/ doing the 'flipple' and sandwich/taco techniques to get a good latch (youtube them)
2/ use shields. I know so many people (including me!) who were saved by shields and you can wean off once baby's mouth has got bigger and it's all easier. I know someone who fed with shields for 2 years though. They're a lifesaver.

That sounds very hard, and you've done so well to get this far. My experience is that it can be very hard, and can then 'click', when baby finally gets the hang of it, but I know that's not everyone's experience.

Have you had any proper support with feeding her? Any breastfeeding groups in your area, or a IBCL consultant? If there is a breastfeeding group led by someone trained, I'd really suggest trying to get out to that – it's somewhere you can most definitely sit and feed, and they are often really good for advise. Even if it's more a social thing, it still might help with support.

It’s easier for babies to feed from a bottle, so reducing bottles as much as possible will help. It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job with your supply, so that’s great.

I contacted a BF counsellor from the NCT for support and she was amazing.

Thanks both - I’ve heard things improve at 6 weeks and my aim was always to pump until at least then but I’m feeling very pessimistic today.

I should have mentioned in my post that I’ve been seeing an IBCLC lactation consultant who has ruled out any tongue tie and basically said just more time, more practice, need to wait for baby to mature a bit.

I haven’t been to any breast feeding groups - I almost went to one but chickened out as I’d feel so embarrassed if the baby didn’t latch at all and howled the place down!

Good point re nipple shields - consultant has advised against them as when baby will latch its a good deep latch and she wants to encourage this but I’m feeling desperate so would try anything …

I think it's important to do what works for you. I spent a lot of early parenthood worrying about what I should be doing. If shields work, great. If they don't then doesn't matter. If they do help then it gets you through a rough patch. They are a. bit of a faff so you'll be motivated to wean off when you can but if you get through 2-3 weeks with them then on the grand scale of things this is no big deal.

I would try to screw up your courage for the breastfeeding group if you possibly can. Many, many of the mums there will have been through something similar or be dealing with other breastfeeding challenges. It helps to be around others having similar experiences or just a couple steps further on (plus getting out in general will probably do you good).

My first was a bit like this, capable of a good, deep latch sometimes, but an almighty faff to get it, latching, unlatching, trying this position, trying that position. And then suddenly the penny dropped, and all I had to do was hold her near a nipple and she just did it... Fingers crossed your wee girl does the same very soon!

@skkyelark this sounds just like mine (minus the penny dropping!). There seems to be no rhyme or reason as to whether I get her on or not. The poor thing tries so hard as well which makes me feel even worse. I’ve felt relatively relaxed about the whole thing but just feel so down today.

Have you considered cranial osteopathy? My little one still had a issues getting a deep latch even after a tongue tie was successfully divided. They managed to remove some tension and his latch was much better. Although it does get a bit easier as their mouth gets bigger.
Breastfeeding support groups are great-quite a lot of women have become members after having difficulties themselves.
I exclusively pumped with my first and can appreciate how hard it must be (especially with a toddler as well!). Ultimately though if it is effecting your mental health it's okay to give yourself permission to stop.

Nooo don't do cranial osteopathy. It's nonsense. If you suspect a physical issue then see a paediatric physio.

Hi OP. Sounds like you’ve done an amazing job so far, pumping is a real labour of love.
Firstly, are you doing paced bottle feeding with your baby? Babies can get used to the flow from a bottle and get frustrated with the breast, paced feeding mimics the flow from breastfeeding and can help reduce bottle preference. What’s happening when you try to latch her? Does she latch then get upset? Or does she struggle to attach at all? If she’s latching then coming off and crying it may be a flow issue, if she’s struggling to get on at all then nipple shields could be a temporary solution, and would at least mean you could reduce the pumping.
Another thing to try is feeding her in an upright position, have a look on Instagram at Hannah Croft IBCLC, she advises upright feeding for babies who struggle, she has lots of great videos.
Your baby has had a fabulous start with 5 weeks of breastmilk, you should be really proud of yourself.

Thank you @RussianDoll777

The main issue is struggling to attach at all. I have ordered some nipple shields now to arrive tomorrow so will see if they help.

We do pace feed and had a feed observed in the early days by the midwife who confirmed we were pace feeding properly but to be honest it still seems pretty easy for her to get the milk from the bottle!

@RussianDoll777 I will definitely check out Hannah Croft.

Thank you to everyone for the advice - off the back of this thread I've ordered nipple shields, found a breastfeeding group to attend tomorrow and I've managed to get my son into nursery for a few extra sessions next week to give me a bit more time and space to practice without having to worry what he is getting up to

That all sounds really positive OP, please update if you can and let us know how it’s going. I know nipple shields can be frowned on by breastfeeding supporters but in your case where baby is really struggling to get on at all and having bottles then I think they can be a really good bridge between boob and bottle. Good luck at the group, I volunteer at one and I can guarantee every single mum will have had some struggles.