10 days old, not sure where I’m going

[Custardandicecream]

Sorry in advance for a long post!

My firstborn was almost exclusively formula fed. I’d planned to breastfeed but we had a tricky birth, were separated for some time and he had to be established on formula very early on. Despite lots of help and support I was never able to get him even close to latching, he’d just bob furiously on the breast and it was making us both absolutely miserable. I tried for 3 days before switching to formula. I managed to pump some milk for a few weeks but my supply never really picked up as I wasn’t very committed to it. I felt so sad and guilty about my feeding journey for a long time and swore I wouldn’t let myself get so miserable a second time round! With hindsight, DS has thrived on formula and I was able to recover from birth quickly as DH took on the night feeds.

I now have a 10 day old and this feeding journey is better than the first but ultimately not great. She also struggles massively to latch - she has stumped midwives and our lactation consultant as everything looks like it should be working but she just won’t do it! I’ve basically done nothing but pump and lie in bed skin to skin and attempt to feed since I got home. I can now get her to latch a few times a day which feels like massive progress but realistically she’ll only at best half heartedly suck on one side for a few mins max. Shields keep her on a bit longer but the lactation consultant says she has very poor latch on these. I’m managing to pump probably 50% of her top up feeds and then we give formula after that. Lactation consultant and midwives have said we are doing everything right and to continue as we are.

I was feeling quite relaxed about it all but have had a wobble this morning. Currently DH is doing everything else (toddler, housework, constantly washing / sterilising pump and bottle parts, bringing me lots to eat and drink, taking baby for her bottle feeds etc so I can get some sleep) but he’s back to work soon. My toddler is only in nursery a few hours a day so soon the unlimited skin to skin and relaxed latching attempts will be over. I’m finding pumping very time consuming and realistically am not sure I can keep it going if not with the aim of keeping supply for baby to latch (I.e. if we don’t establish breastfeeding I would feed formula not expressed milk).

With my first I was desperate for permission to give up. This time I really want to keep trying - the fact I’m giving her some of my milk and getting some latches feels so momentous compared to DS that I really want to keep working at it.

Has anyone got any experience of this? Happy to hear positives or negatives, I just need help deciding how long to carry on…

Diet affects the nutrient content and taste of your milk. What do you eat?

Lots of porridge and water currently!

Not being funny but if it's so hard to get baby to latch on and feed them why wouldn't you just give some formula because surely she's not getting enough if there are such problems with feeding? I understand why you wanted to bf but as it's obviously not working properly then as you already know a baby can thrive on formula. I'm not judging you, it's just if it were me I'd be more worried about baby getting enough feed so would 100% give them a bottle of formula

@Devilsmommy sorry my post might be unclear (I’m very sleep deprived) - she is getting expressed milk and formula after each feed attempt

Oh right, sorry I didn't catch it. I guess the only thing you can do if you want to keep bf is to persevere with it and hope she manages to get it right eventually. Totally understand your thoughts on it because I wanted to bf my DS but unfortunately he never took to it and I was gutted at first but I know now that being FF has had no bearing on him at all. FED really is best😊

Is the lactation consultant an IBCLC? An IBCLC shouldn’t be stumped they should be able to help you figure it out.

Well done on managing to get her to latch by yourself. Has she been checked for tongue tie by a tongue tie specialist? (Not gp or midwife etc).

Also, I’m in Ireland you’re probably in the UK, but here and several other countries recommend that sterilising isn’t needed for items used with just Breastmilk like a pump etc if your baby was born full term and healthy. In that situation washing with warm soapy water and keeping pump parts in the fridge and washing once a day are perfect as Breastmilk is sterile. You can do your own reading on this obviously and decide.

@Devilsmommy I agree. My son thrived on formula and it saved my sanity! I’ve no issue using it this time round if needs be, I just don’t feel ready to make that decision yet …

@Garman she is and she was confident no tongue tie. She said oral assessment good, positioning good etc. DD just won’t go for it most of the time… I was worried about bottle preference but we’re pace feeding and have been told it shouldn’t be a huge issue?

That’s very helpful to know re pump parts though!

Hopeful bump

If you'd like to, you could contact the national breastfeeding helpline and talk it through. They won't judge and will be able to help you work through your feelings. Are you using breast compressions when your baby does latch? They can help. Might be worth seeing the IBCLC again and trying a weighted feed.

Are you topping up with a bottle? Have you tried some cup feeding instead?

Hey. My little boy really struggled with latching, by this point we weren’t even managing a couple of latches every day I don’t think, the constant pumping and then feed attempts were EXHAUSTING. He then very rapidly ‘got it’ over a weekend when he was just over 2 weeks and had a bottle for the last time at 2 weeks 3 days. I had no idea it would sort itself out!! When I was very low and upset about his struggles to latch, the feeding midwife said latching difficulties were easier to overcome than supply difficulties (even though I felt like the ‘bottom of the class’ when I went to feedin groups and everyone was directly feeding apart from me).

do you have a LLL (la Leche league) group near you? I have found them so so helpful in supporting bf. I like this article https://laleche.org.uk/getting-breastfeeding-on-track-after-a-difficult-start-the-3-keeps/

@graceinc22 today has been worse for latching than yesterday so that has reassured me so much. I’m trying to have faith she will do it as the midwives and lactation consultant seem relaxed and positive about it but at the moment it feels hard to believe. Really glad you had a positive ending!

I was in a similar situation to you, including the experiences with the first child and lack of support once partner went back to work. When my second was born they had a severe tongue tie and even after it was cut we didn’t figure out latching. My child then ended up in hospital with RSV at a couple of weeks old which ended our attempts to latch, but made me very determined to express milk for the antibodies. They also had a dairy allergy and refused the prescription formula so I ended up expressing milk for a year. It was a huge amount of work. Also costly in terms of buying wearable pumps and replacements etc, and took time away from my older child. I’m glad I did it now, but it was hard.

Given that there wasn’t an issue with my supply, I do wish that I’d invested in having a lactation consultant come round to the house to just sit with me and help. Friends who just persevered with this kind of regular help (eg one saw a consultant almost daily for a couple of month, which is clearly very expensive…) did then end up with the simpler situation of being able to just breastfeed without expressing.