Breastfeeding and sleep deprivation

[littlelemonbiscuit]

Looking for either any advice or just for anyone in a similar boat!

For brief background, I have always had issues with sleep (both falling asleep and staying asleep). I am a migraine sufferer and lack of sleep is my absolute biggest trigger, which then makes me more anxious about sleep difficulties which makes my sleep worse. Even if I don't get a full blown migraine after a poor night of sleep, I just seem to handle sleep deprivation very poorly and feel very sick and head-achey all day. Generally I've learned to manage this relatively well by keeping good sleep hygiene and occasionally using sleeping pills if I've got into a bad spell and so it isn't really an issue.

When I had my first DC, we had terrible issues with breastfeeding (they had a tongue tie and just couldn't latch and I struggled to pump very much at all). I wanted to keep on trying to breastfeed but ultimately I just couldn't handle the sleep deprivation (especially after a few days no sleep pre the birth) - I basically wasn't sleeping at all as I felt so wide awake after every middle of the night feed attempt / pump session. We switched to formula pretty early on for my own sanity and recovery and this allowed my husband to take over the nights. DC started sleeping through pretty early, so I have basically never dealt with major sleep deprivation as a parent. When I have (e.g. short periods of illness or teething) my migraines have come back quickly.

I'm now due DC2 and thinking about feeding again. I really want to try breast feeding again and feel terribly guilty for having not managed with DC1 but just feel so despondent about the fact that, even if it is easier this time, I will definitely get less sleep than if formula feeding (DH very happy to do the nights again). Lots of my mum friends are still waking through the night regularly to feed their toddlers and honestly I feel pathetic when I talk to them as they all seem to handle the sleep deprivation fine most of the time.

Has anyone else struggled with this? I know sleep deprivation is just a part of parenting and I feel so bad about myself that I seem so unable to handle it!

Yes, me and DH have always shared nights but if/when I was breastfeeding I would do almost all of the feeds then. My youngest is 15 months and a miles worse sleeper than either of my older ones. I'm still breastfeeding them but they wake so often/for so long we still split the night work fairly evenly, DH has him after/in between breastfeeds.

I went on amitriptyline as a preventative medication for migraine as started having major problems with them when DC2 was going through their worst sleeping period just when I was back at work after mat leave. It worked really well on a low dose. I came off this about 2/3rds of the way through pregnancy 3 and I've just very recently gone back on it as the migraines have returned terribly the last couple of months. For me the sleep is the biggest trigger but I don't tend to get a huge uptick in migraines until it's combined with work which for me is trigger number 2 - prolonged working at a screen.

My midwife recommended cosleeping when she came to visit us. It’s been fantastic and makes the most sense if you’re breastfeeding. It’s what the majority rest of the world does anyway!

What do you want from this post? You’ve stated clearly that sleep deprivation causes you migraines. You know breastfeeding means you will be sleep deprived. These are the facts. You have a husband who is prepared to do the night feeds so you can sleep, focus on being grateful for that rather than beating yourself up about a situation that’s outside of your control. And pray you get another good sleeper.

This.

I’ve coslept following the safe sleep guidelines since birth and I’m getting better sleep than I did before I had baby!

@CarCarTruckJeep that was useful, thank you! Can you take the amitriptyline breastfeeding? I took propranolol for prevention a while back but never found it very helpful and have managed to control my migraines with lifestyle since so haven't looked at any preventative medication.

@AlIie and @AnotherDelphinium I'm glad co-sleeping worked for you! I've only done it a handful of times with my son during periods of illness and even though he was > 6 months at this point and very robust I still couldn't sleep for fear of rolling on him so I'm not sure this is an option for me sadly

Good point. I suppose I'm looking to hear if anyone has any magic fixes. I know some people find their migraines get better with breastfeeding and wonder if maybe I'd have experienced that had I been able to establish feeding properly. However I also have a lot of not-dealt-with guilt about my feeding journey (or lack of) - I literally don't know a single person who didn't breastfeed and it really affected my early days with my son. I definitely am grateful that a safe alternative exists though and the thought of being able to sleep and recover post-pregnancy is appealing (I've also had a LOT of migraines pregnant...). All very confusing!

Yes, amitriptyline is safe for use in breastfeeding, however it can make some people very drowsy and/or 'hungover' initially. I am on a tiny dose and have never hed that problem but just something to be aware of. I would make sure there is another adult around to start with if you did go on it just in case that happens.

I should have said though absolutely formula feed if that's whats best for you all. Alternatively it really doesn't have to be all or nothing, you could combi feed and split night feeds with your partner for example and see how you get on with that. Or if that's no good, breastfeed in the daytime and bottle feed at night even.

You could breastfeed in the day and give formula at night? It doesn't have to be either/or. Combi feeding is a great option.

Also, I breastfed and both my babies slept through the night naturally from a few weeks old. My second one even slept 7 hour stretches during her first week and still gained weight. So I don't think breastfeeding automatically means you will get less sleep.

I'm curious about the idea of using formula in the night - this would be a dream scenario but I thought supply would drop pretty quickly if I didn't feed overnight? I remember I was up pumping every 2-3 hours when I was trying to pump and I was told these were the most important sessions to try and keep supply up

If you want sleep dont breastfeed!, i have 5 kids- first 4 were all mixed fed but by month old were on formula, all sleeping through by 1 year, my 2yo dd was exclusively breastfed and she is still getting up several times a night- on the odd occasion for hours at a time, she goes in her own bed but then i cosleep so i can actually get some sleep, i haven’t had a full/good nights sleep in over 2 years, my advice is mix feed- you can share the night feeds then, even now when we are stopping breastfeeding my OH will have to do the nights alone because she will only want breast if im there -there isn’t much sharing the load with breastfeeding.

If you are not opposed to pumping then pumping at night could help to keep the supply but minimise your wake ups. You would need to pump every 3hrs in the early months to keep the supply up but eventually you could then stretch that to just 1-2 short wake ups. While your husband gives a bottle.

If it’s going to detriment you then go to formula or pump 1-2 times at night (1-6am is a key window) and then you could use formula on top if it’s needed.

Alternatively your husband could wake you for the feed, then take over. This could involve a lot of wake ups though especially the early weeks. If you did pump 1-2 times then you could work to switching back to breastfeeding at night a few months in once there is a pattern and it’s only a few wake ups. Alternatively a few months in you could possibly stretch the pump session so it’s either once or you might get away with no pumping but it’s a risk.

I would say please stop feeling guilty.

Breastfeeding was a disaster with DC1 so much so that I didn’t even try with DC2, apart from a bit of colustrum for first feed.

Sleep is so important. Both mine have been such terrible sleepers that i’ve spent months and months wishing I was dead.

It’s ok to put yourself first sometimes.

DC1 is 5 now and i can tell you no one gives a shit about who was breastfed and who wasn’t.

Firstly there's no guarantee that this baby will be a poor sleeper, or that formula would automatically make them sleep better. Although of course it would mean that your DH could share the feeding.

I know you've said you feel nervous about cosleeping. Remember that all other mammals sleep with their babies. Humans in most of the world and through most of history sleep with their babies. Putting a baby down in a cot is a modern, western idea. Look up the safe sleeping guidelines. In fact anecdotally I think that the vast majority of BF mums even in the UK also cosleep.

If you really don't want to do that then I would let DH feed one bottle at night, ideally expressed but otherwise formula. So say baby typically feeds at 8, 11 and 2, go to bed after the 8pm feed whilst DH keeps the baby downstairs and gives the next feed and settles them in their cot. Then hopefully they stay asleep until 2ish, meaning you've had a 6 hour block. (When bottle feeding a mostly bf baby, gone them 30ml max and look up paced bottle feeding, this replicates bf as closely as possible. What you don't want is them quickly guzzling a big bottle and thinking, "this is easier", and not wanting to put the effort in at the breast any more.

I would also recommend going along to a local BF group before baby is born. Good leaders will want to support your own goals and take your worries seriously.

And finally, I'd recommend listening to a gentle or dry audiobook through a snoozeband (sleep headphones) when you're trying to fall asleep.

Pumping and all bottles is your only solution. A friend did this with both her babies as her DH was a SAHD and she had to go back to work at 12 weeks, full time. She pumped from day 1 until 6 months, babies got breastmilk exclusively. She only woke once around 2am to pump. Babies never breastfed so didn't know better than bottles.

I don't recommend it if you don't have help, it's very hard to pump and also do the feeding.

Otherwise, formula. It's an amazing thing. If you can't handle the sleep deprivation, that's that. There are bigger parenting decisions you will have to make.