Do I need a sleep consultant? Trying to stop BF to sleep

[PockerMaus]

Hi,

My 6 month old son has been EBF until now
He has always been nursed to sleep at night and all wake ups in the night. (He will either be nursed for his naps or he will fall asleep in his sling/pram or the car.

I go back to work in 3 months and I work night shifts so I really need to break the nursing to sleep association. My son has previously refused a bottle until last week when he randomly decided he would take one.

We've been trying to swap the last feed of the night to a bottle of expressed milk (and a little bit of formula) as I can't routinely pump enough for a whole bottle before bed). My partner has been doing it however my son starts getting distressed (he'll drink it but not easily and will wriggle a lot) and then my partner gets frustrated and i end up doing the bottle and then having to nurse him after any way!

I'm really considering a sleep consultant as I'm dreading going back to work. Bed time is stressful at the moment as whenever my partner does it, it ends in tears. We give him a bath, then low lights, change, white noise then normally a feed. He normally gets quite fussy towards the end of getting him changed (regardless of who is doing bed time). But nursing seems to calm him whereas the bottle doesn't really (or it does a bit, if IM doing it).

I'd love to create a routine where he is fed before he goes in his cot and then falls asleep independently but I have no idea where to start!

Has anyone got any ideas/experience themselves of breaking this association and how long it took?
It's making me want to stop BF altogether! Has anyone used a sleep consultant? Anyone I know who has, says they had a good experience 🤷🏼‍♀️

Also I'm not trying to reduce night wake ups, he wakes up normally once or twice for a feed (sleeps 7:30 - 7ish) which I think is normal for his age? I just want to be able to leave him overnight with his dad without it being a nightmare lol

Before you employ one, coukd you leave DH and DS st bedtime and go out? They will usually accept the bottle better if you’re not around at that time.

Yes I suppose I could :) I do try and stay out the way when he does bed time but I probably intervene too soon as neither of us like to hear him crying. I'll see if it makes a difference!

I still breastfeed my son to sleep, he's 16 months. I went back to work at 6 months (pumped in the day). The nanny put him to sleep for naps without a bottle, just has her way of rocking him. Bedtime was challenging until around 12 months when he actually became happy with dad or nanny putting him to sleep, he understands someone else is doing bedtime and is fine with it.

If I'm around, he will not accept NOT having the boob obviously.

Also, if not ill or teething, he sleeps through since about 11 months even though he does not go to sleep "independently" i.e. he is rocked or fed to sleep. So don't believe all the instagram scaremongering about "sleep association s". We did try sleep training and it really didn't work, he was inconsolable and too anxious. I still feel guilty for trying. He was waking every 2-3 hours and i thought it would never improve. But it did, without more tears, just on his own.

You need to go out whilst your partner does bedtime, for both baby and your partner's sake, especially if your partner will be doing bedtimes regularly in a few months, he needs to gain confidence and he won't if you are there stepping in. I'd suggest moving any feeds, bottle or boob, to before the bath, and then working on other settling methods - whatever works for your baby.

First step is your DH needs to try harder and you need to let him.

Hi OP, I would say that you know what needs to happen and so don't really need a sleep consultant (who I think would just tell you what you already know). I would say that if he cries, it's not because you're doing it wrong. It's because you've taken away the prop he was using to get to sleep. He will get there - stay consistent and don't give in because you know he isn't crying through hunger as has just been fed. It will get easier.

Thank you 💞

Hmmm I admit I do probably intervene too soon. I hate hearing my son cry though which is normal! I let my partner crack on without me intervention last night. There were tears but he did eventually manage to settle him so we'll see how it goes!

Thank you for your reply :)

It's hard as I work for the emergency services so I can't see how I could fit pumping into my shift.🤷🏼‍♀️

Did dad/nanny try a lot prior to him turning 1? Just wondering if we keep persevering we might get there sometime soon!

I'd love to keep BF when I can but also know my son can settle other ways when I'm not there. I guess the only way I'll find out is to keep trying! I've never successfully rocked him to sleep but I might try that after a feed.

Babies often do just adapt when their mother / the boob isn’t there. I worked shifts / on call when DD2 was a young baby and I just boobed her to sleep when I was there, and DH managed things another way (I can’t remember how) when I wasn’t. It worked fine for us for a long time.

I started feeding ds before the bath to break the feeding to sleep on an evening. He was older than your baby though, but might be a starting point?

I would wait if you're not going back for 3 months. A huge amount will have changed by then. He may have dropped night feeds altogether. He will also be taking water in a cup and solids so could be offered those instead. 6 months is so little still I would be waiting a while and not worrying too much yet.

Tried a couple of times only and it just didn't work very well, he took ages to fall asleep, and woke up v clingy. Something around 12 months just clicked and I knew he'd be ok and I just bit the bullet, left him to it and he was totally fine.

Babies change a lot between 6-12 months. Don't stress now.

Re pumping - I stopped pumping at 9 months. Paedetrician advised he didn't need it in the day if he had 3 meals a day and I breastfed morning/evening/night. So if baby is established on solids, you don't need to worry, just breastfeed at home and maybe pump once at work for your comfort.

I found my supply was very adaptable at that age. I would BF loads at the weekend, less so in the week and it was totally fine.