I need of some wise words , positive stories

[Niye]

I have low regulated supply due to my DD's late tongue tie diagnosis (Week 8) and subsequently later snip. Therefore she's now combi fed.

Now she's also a smart cookie (I take solace in that) and has developed a preference for the bottle. I'd come across SNS on some thread here and when I'd asked the midwife about it she said ' it may be an American thing , she didn't know about it ?' . So bottle it was and DD has slowly but surely started to reject the breast.

It takes a lot of singing, playing, sweet talking to get her to latch and she does and feeds but usually then needs a top up.She happily bf at night and first thing in the morning. However the overall behaviour towards the breast Vs bottle varies day to day. For e.g. she sleep fed 5 straight hours yesterday afternoon but not much today in comparison. I also try and pump when I can to keep my supply up and have EBM to feed her when possible.

What I am struggling with is guilt for not doing more to catch the TT earlier. I keep replaying the last two months, identifying opportunities where I could have challenged/asked further questions/ done something differently. I feel guilty for not being switched on enough because I have DS who started school this September so those first 4 weeks were intense. Our families don't live nearby so it's just been DH and I trying to adapt and do everything. I don't think I had the mental wherewithal because of it but I still hold that against myself.

I keep trying to read posts on how to increase my supply, how to use SNS to transition to ebf. I worry about lack of potential immunity in this first year if I transition fully to formula.

I feel like a failure for not doing more and I can't stop crying thinking about it.

I just need to hear from mums out there who may have found themselves in a similar situation, for any reason, and were able to work through this. How did you cope ? Did you carry on combi feeding? Did you transition to ebf at some later stage with the help of SNS ? Did you switch to formula?

I should probably add that DS was ebf and fed for long. So the very thought that this could be the end of my bf journey with DD at 3 months is even more heartbreaking.

Thank you ❣️

You’ve been through so much already, and it’s clear how much you care. Please don’t be hard on yourself, a late tongue-tie diagnosis can make everything more complicated, and you did what any loving mum would do: you adapted.

Your baby is fed, comforted, and loved, and that’s what matters most. The fact she still feeds at night shows your connection is still there, even if it looks different now.

Many mums carry guilt when things don’t go as planned, but there’s no single “right” way to feed. Combi feeding, expressing, or moving fully to formula all are valid if they bring more peace for you both.

You’re doing beautifully, even if it doesn’t always feel that way xx

My milk dried up when DD was 5 weeks old. I was told if I persisted the milk would come through etc, we were both suffering and miserable. Then the choice was taken away and DD went on the bottle.
i sobbed my heart out, but then we both started feeling much better and getting out and enjoying things. I’m sad it didn’t work, but these things happen and I am glad to have had an alternative.
you need to work out what works for you both and it’ll be the right choice.

Thank you for your kind words! Taking it one day at a time and working out what's best for us.

Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry to hear that and can relate to the sobbing. Glad it's gotten better since.

Oh OP, I feel so sorry for you because reading your words takes me right back to how I felt 14 and 12 years ago with my 2 DCs. Breastfeeding never worked out for us despite trying so very hard and I managed to express all their milk for 6 months and 3 months respectively.

Honestly though, with the benefit of hindsight I so wish I’d been able to just shrug off the guilt and regret and channel that wasted energy into just enjoying the babies. My DSis wasn’t able to BF and just accepted it, didn’t express at all and went straight on to formula without a hint of guilt or regret and enjoyed their babyhoods much more as a result. And guess what? Her DCs are just as healthy and tall as mine are.

I had a terrible time with my first and ended up having to initially combi-feed, but by 12 weeks we’d managed to transition to ebf. I won’t lie, it wasn’t an easy journey by any stretch and there was a fair amount of bloody mindedness about it to get there, but we did.

What worked for us was attending a local breastfeeding support group so we had help just a message away during our darker days, going fully back to basics, so plenty of skin to skin, a good boxset and plenty of snacks/hydration, I also regularly mention getting a copy of Mixed Up by Lucy Ruddle on threads like this. It’s honestly the best book for anyone who finds themselves combi feeding whether by choice or circumstance, and has lots of great advice for how to transition to ebf if that’s the route you wish to take.

In terms of preference, when you’re bottle feeding are you using a paced feeding method? If you aren’t already, this could be a good way of breaking the bottle preference as it mimics the natural flow they get when breastfeeding. The KellyMom website has a great pdf explaining paced/responsive feeding.

Finally, please don’t beat yourself up about the TT. My DD didn’t have hers snipped until she was a similar age, purely because we kept being told it was borderline/minimal and being a FTM at the time I couldn’t bear putting her through unnecessary distress. It was only when we finally got it done we realised the severity of her TT.

Oh I wish I could give you a hug! It gets easier.
I was determined to EBF DD. She was low birth weight though so we had to do top up feeds and use nipple shields. Eventually we got the hang of it and we EBF for about 3 months. We introduce expressed bottles first and then mix fed with formula. I did get my H to do most of the bottles, which helped me to maintain breast feeding. We maintained that til she was 1 and I chose to stop. DD is now a thriving 12 yo 😊
Mixed feeding can be a good compromise but remember, fed is best! You’ve given your DC a great start in life by breast feeding, especially given the tongue tie, but do what’s best for all of you.

She’s 17 now and these things one day will not matter, plenty more battles to come!