Coming to terms with stopping breastfeeding at 3 months

[spagino21]

I’ve had a real journey with breastfeeding my second baby and I’m just looking for advice on how to come to terms with the fact that it hasn’t worked out yet again.

My first born had a severe tongue tie and never latched well even when cut (as well as other issues including intensive talipes treatment) so formula was an easy choice which I was confident was the right one for everyone. My second-born however latched perfectly the minute he was born and even stayed on the breast for 2 hours post birth. I had no nipple pain and clearly good supply so it just felt different and much more promising.

Unfortunately I made the decision to express breast milk (initially using a hakaa and then with an electric pump) to produce enough milk for my husband to give baby a bottle each night while I put my eldest to best. This is where the problems started…baby developed bottle preference, became extremely fussy on the boob and the only way I could get him to latch was using a nipple shield which made his latch very shallow. He also began spitting up quite a lot so I had doubts that he was taking in enough milk.

Anyway he just got weighed at his 12 week review and he has put on very little in the last two weeks and has dropped two centiles. Health visitor said I’d need to start topping him up after every feed with expressed milk or formula and gave tips on how to increase my supply, but I’ve just decided to transition gradually to formula exclusively now because my priority is to get his weight up and not neglect my eldest by being strapped to pump all day.

I just can’t help feeling so guilty that I’ve let my baby down and sabotaged breastfeeding for him. I know formula is just as good and fed is best but he had all the foundations to breastfeed successfully and I ruined it for him. I also can’t bear the fact that I’ve let him go hungry for so long and didn’t take action sooner.

Really appreciate some advice on how to deal with my emotions as nobody seems to understand.

You haven’t let him down by giving him formula.

I had a nightmare time attempting breastfeeding with DC1, didn’t work so I went straight to formula with DC2.

They are now 5 and nearly 2, and I can tell you no one gives a shit about whether they were breastfed or not when they were babies.

Oh breastfeeding guilt is so hard - you've done amazing and hindsight is a wonderful thing! You couldn't have predicted bottle preference - for all you know sticking with it could have impacted your eldest etc (hence the reason you chose a bottle in the first the first place).

With my first she had severe TT missed by the NHS so she lost too much weight as a newborn and I felt so guilty. But remember, baby has been gaining weight! Just not as quick as they'd like but dropping centiles, is not dropping weight ❤️

Breastfeeding a second child is different to the first, you don't get tte luxury of giving it your all in the same way. Give yourself a massive pat of the back, you've given baby a great foundation and formula will do the rest x

Morning lovely!

Please give one of the UK breastfeeding charities a call, they provide amazing support including when you’ve decided to stop breastfeeding and all of the emotions that go with it. They can help you work out what’s best for you and your family if you have any doubt about your decision. They can also give you practical information about how to get to your goal (whatever it may be). It’s also worth saying that breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing if you don’t want it to be.

La Leche League GB national or local groups provide support for free.

The Breastfeeding Network

The Association of Breastfeeding Mothers

NCT

You’re not alone and there are lots of people who would love to listen to what’s going on and support you.

Thank you all. Just shed a few tears reading your messages because you are all right in what you are saying, it really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things and at least he’s had 3 months worth.

Also I think you’re spot on @ThelastRolo20 if he was my first I would have never introduced a bottle in the first place and things would have been different. But this is where I am now and I just need to make sure he has a full belly!

I do have an appointment with a breastfeeding specialist at a local family centre next Thursday so will talk it through with them then but I’m pretty sure I won’t change my decision.

Really appreciate hearing from mums who have gone through the same thing ❤️

Sounds like 1) you just didn't have the right support and advice and 2) things are different when you have a toddler too.

You've given him the best start, you know full well that formula is totally OK, move on and enjoy your baby.

And BTW, the older the baby, the harder it is to wean them.

Thank you, I needed to hear that! Have already tried topping up with formula today and it’s been hit and miss but he has taken some so I count that as a win. I am currently breastfeeding him to sleep and will miss this.

You can always mix feed if you find some formula plus breastfeeding in the evenings/at night works for you and your baby. If you hit a good balance at some point where your baby is gaining weight well then you can run with it.
It think as mums we sometimes put too much blame on ourselves for our babies behavior when actually, they are all born with their own little quirks of personality that we can’t guess at beforehand. You couldn’t know that your child would prefer the bottle. Lots of babies don’t.

My little one dropped 2 centiles by 3 months as she just seemed to struggle with feeding during the day and would only feed for a maximum of 5 minutes every 3 hours. I knew my milk unlikely to be a problem as all my previous babies put on weight fine, one of them flew along yhr 99th centile till a year old. Fortunately had a fantastic health visitor who never pressured to top up. I found night feeds when she was asleep never seemed to be an issue so just encouraged her to have lots of really long frequent night feeds. She never did have any bottles and within a couple of months she’d gone up a centile and that’s where she healthily settled at and by then she started feeding better in the day too. Glad you’ve got meeting with the breastfeeding support arranged, sure they can help you work something out.

Thank you for this. I have actually been considering mix-feeding over the past two days. He sleeps so well at night already, currently doing a 4/5 hour stretch to start with and then resettles so quickly if I just latch him while lying down (we co-sleep). I feel like his sleep will deteriorate if I have to get up making bottles through the night…I still have nightmares about how poor my eldest slept - he didn’t get the memo that formula fed babies are supposed to sleep longer 😂

The key thing as you say is that, however I feed him, he needs to put on weight. I have been topping him up with formula throughout the day alongside breastfeeding and he’s taking it well but still occasionally bringing a lot up so that’s a separate issue I’ll need to sort out!

Thank you, this makes me feel better. I can’t know for certain but I don’t feel like my supply is the issue as I can always feel a strong let down when he latches plus I am able to express a good amount. Something has obviously gone wrong though, whether it’s the latch/nipple shield use or the reflux/spitting up. I’m hoping the breastfeeding specialist will be able to advise on that too.

I just want to do the best for my baby.

Hi OP

How are you getting on now? I have had a very similar experience with bf’ing my second and am now mixed feeding with expressed milk and formula. I have felt exactly the same as you - worried that I sabotaged my own bf’ing experience but coming to terms with the likely scenario that I will move DS to formula soon. Hope you are doing ok?x

Hiya, so it’s been a bit of a journey but we’re now fully on formula. I mix-fed for about a month but baby was breastfeeding less and less and wanting more formula - he would barely wait for the letdown when latched and wouldn’t settle until I gave him a bottle. So that pretty much ended our breastfeeding journey. I’m happy I made it to 4 months though.

Also I’ve realised all the benefits formula brings - knowing exactly how much he’s had, knowing exactly when he will need a feed (currently every 3 hours on the dot except at night where he’ll often go 4-5 hours), anyone being able to feed him which has given me precious 1-1 time with my eldest and also, in our case, he has piled on the weight and is generally much happier between feeds. I’ve also been able to finally get his reflux under control by adding infant gaviscon to his feeds.

I think my baby ultimately made the decision for me and it would have been selfish to continue trying to breastfeed him when he clearly preferred formula…

Please look for a local breastfeeding support group. There will be people who have years of training and experience who can help you far more than the health visitor can. This may still be the end of your journey, but it also may not. But please, find your local breastfeeding support group.

I switched to formula for all of my 4 dc at 3-4 months. They are all grown now and amazingly healthy, smart, happy and doing well.

Fed is Best

Fed is the bare minimum. A basic need. You may have opted to switch to formula at 3-4 months with your children, but @spagino21 doesn’t really want to and feels it’s her only option. Don’t belittle her feelings with ‘Fed is best’.

@SeaToSki was reassuring OP who stated in her most recent update that her DC is now fully formula fed.

Thanks all. I agree that fed is best but at the same time I did really want to carry on breastfeeding as I know that breastmilk does have benefits that formula doesn’t. It just didn’t work out in my case and I was disappointed in myself at first but I’m ok with it now. My eldest was formula fed from much earlier on and he is a beautiful and healthy four year old going on fourteen 😂

Sending empathy and strength, it sounds like in various situations with your little ones you’ve had to make quite pragmatic decisions with their best interests in mind. But I know that the emotional impact of that can stay even if you logically know you’ve made the right decision. Have a look at “Breastfeeding Psychology” on Google on instagram it may be reassuring or supportive

I gave up bf both of mine after two weeks, I cracked, it hurt like hell and I hated it. They were pretty healthy children and are now parents themselves. We have always had a great relationship, they both went to uni. You have given them the important few weeks and they’ll be fine, you will enjoy them more too.