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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Feeling Worried Already

16 replies

kayzisexpecting · 03/06/2008 15:48

I am 12 weeks with my second DC. I am worrying about BF already because I had a hard time with DS and he ended up being entirely FF.

I tried BF and DS wouldn't latch on and when I tried to express I never seemed to get a lot. The MW and HV never helped and were quite nasty, saying that Social Services would have to get involved as he wasn't putting on much weight. He put on 4lbs in his first week but that was with a few 4oz ff. He then lost 2lbs in his second week and that is when we were told that SS would have to be involved unless I solely FF him, which I did as I didn't want him taken away.

My DH made a complaint about the MW as she was an agency one due to my MW breaking her ankle 4 days before he was born. After speaking to the MW that broke her ankle she was horrified and said I should have rung her even if she was off and she would have come round. She also said that because I had pethedine about 30 minutes before he was born it can make them a bit sleepy for a while and they sometimes wont latch on and because they gave him bottles in the hospital he may have got used to a teat.

Now I am worried I can't bf and I won't be able to bf this one. I know I have ages to go but I want to be prepared. Also I have posted this before but MIL and someone else have said that I cant BF this one as your body doesn't make milk if you don't bf your first and that DS will end up in care as he will know I didn't BF him and it will upset him.

I am so so so so so sorry that I have rambled and don't worry if you want to ignore me!!

OP posts:

scorpio1 · 03/06/2008 15:52

i didnt bf my 1st or 2nd dc but am bfing my 3rd, of course you will make milk if you didnt bf last time.

so sorry about the previous troubles.

sorry im not much help

DonDons · 03/06/2008 15:53

OMG - am gob smacked at some of the things you have been told. Not an expert by any means but in response to 2 things you have said, firstly one of my friends didn't BF DD1 for various reasons but 2 years later is BF DD2 with no supply issues and secondly, how likely is it that your first child will even remember that he wasn't BF? (and with ref to my friend mentioned above, her DD1 has no issue with her sister being BF). Sorry can't help any more than that. Hope things work out for you.

Original poster

kayzisexpecting · 03/06/2008 15:53

Its ok Scorpio. I don't think I make much sense really.

OP posts:

tiktok · 03/06/2008 15:54

kayz - hope we can help. I am confused by your figures - he cannot have put on 4 lbs in the first week - you must mean 4 oz??? But did he lose 2 pounds or 2 oz in the second week?

Many, many women bf happily and joyfully after a bad experience first time round - of course your body makes milk for the next one. What a preposterous idea! How would nature work that one out, eh??! Many, many mothers have different feeding 'methods' for different children, and I have never, ever heard of any child being resentful or upset about it. They respond to your love and your care, not differences in feeding - my goodness, you have some real 'helpful' people whispering in your ear!!

Can you contact Nice Midwife and let her know how wobbly you are feeling this time round?

Original poster

kayzisexpecting · 03/06/2008 15:55

Ooops I meant 4oz!!!! Then he lost 2oz in his second week.

OP posts:

scorpio1 · 03/06/2008 15:56

Millie lost 11oz in her first week, mw said as long as not 10% of birthweight its ok.

that mw sounds nasty.

cmotdibbler · 03/06/2008 15:56

Sounds like you had crap advice the first time, and that yout MIL is still dishing it out now.

Your body will make milk whatever. What you can express is no indication whatever of what your baby is getting into themselves. Unless they really, really need it, new babies shouldn't be given bottles if you are trying to bf as they will get used to the easy life of drinking a bottle.

You can get great advice from the NCT, LLL etc for free and on here

Ecmo · 03/06/2008 15:56

What a lot of crappy advice you've been given. The MW and the HV sound as if they should be struck off telling you things like that.
My dd1 had pethedine really late during birth too and she was really sleepy and in fact slept all day when she was 2 days old. Even when visitors passed her round.

The pethedinge and the fact that you were probably stressing from all the crap remarks from MW and HV wouldnt have helped.

I really think with the support of a better MW and completely ignoring your MIL that you will be fine, and if it doesn't work out don't beat yourself up about it.

Original poster

kayzisexpecting · 03/06/2008 15:59

I have a new MW this time round and I am going to talk to her about it. I am determined to BF this time.

I don't think DS will remember how he was fed. I don't, I only know I was FF because I asked my mum when I was expecting DS.

MIL is always dishing out shite advice.

OP posts:

tiktok · 03/06/2008 16:00

Aha! Thanks for setting the weights right, kayz!

Well, that does clarify things. A 4 oz weight gain in week one - four oz above birth weight? - shows things were going well, and in fact, 4 oz above birthweight in week one is a lot. A 2 oz drop shows maybe you needed a bit of help to make things better....or, more likely, one or both of those weights was wrong. This is very common - poor practice (weighing the baby clothed), crappy scales (spring balance are no good for accuracy), sloppy record keeping (translating metric wrongly, reading the scales wrongly)....it all leads to errors.

No one can force you to stop bf. You know this now. You also know that if things are not going well, there is help for you here.

Skin to skin contact and lots of in-bed cuddles right from birth, with no timing, no clock watching - that's the best recipe for a good start

Original poster

kayzisexpecting · 03/06/2008 16:04

Both of the weights were right. He was 7lb 2oz at birth 7lb 6oz at a week and 7lb 4oz at 2 weeks. Which by the doctor at his is 6 week check said was fairly normal.

I am going to take my laptop to bed if I have to, to get some help. I never thought of coming on here when I was struggling.

OP posts:

TinkerbellesMum · 03/06/2008 16:16

Have a look here and find your local group.

You can breastfeed, the problems you had aren't related to your ability to do so, they're related to the terrible support you had. My HV used the words "failure to thrive" which scared me because Mum is a CP social worker and I'm used to hearing them from her so I believed she would report me. She made me add formula which I was upset about because it was a struggle to get her feeding in the first place (she was 31 weeks) It was only finding a support group and having support from the paediatrician that I carried on.

Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. My Mum was unable to feed me and my brother for long due to the lack of support in those days, but my sister she did really well with. She was born at 44 weeks, wasn't a small baby and BF till she was nearly one refusing solids till after six months.

Your son won't remember how he was breastfed and he will think nothing of you doing it with his little brother/sister. I know a few children who weren't breastfed and after seeing me doing it were perfectly happy that that was what was normal. It would take a lot more than you not breastfeeding your first but breastfeeding your second for social services to get involved. Next time they try to tell you he will be removed, tell them to save the wait, call them now and say they're worried about your son because you didn't breastfeed him but want to breastfeed your second and think it's abusive to your son. It would be interesting if they try! They'd be laughed at.

chipmonkey · 03/06/2008 16:49

I was ff, the rest of my siblings were bf and I didn't end up in care! Sorry kayz but you do seem very unfortunate in the number of numpties who have given you advice!

VictorianSqualor · 03/06/2008 17:04

kayz, I didn't bf DD, she knows this and also knows why, she is fine, and certainly not going to end up in care because of it!!

I did BF DS1 and am now BFing DS2 so it's perfectly possible

Also DS2 lost nearly 15% of his birthweight in the first week, the midwife was not concerned, nor was I really, because all other indicators showed he was feeding well, plus he was a large birthweight so could afford to lose quite a bit, she just kept an eye on him and wouldn't discharge him from her books until he had gained back to his birthweight.

It's very probable you can breastfeed(people who physically cannot bf their babies are very rare) with the right support, which you will get both here and from the breastfeeding helplines. Good Luck

Original poster

kayzisexpecting · 03/06/2008 17:22

Thanks everyone. It helps to know there is support on here.

OP posts:

Piccalilli2 · 03/06/2008 19:31

kayz I had a very similar experience with my first baby, traumatic birth and dd completely unable/refusing to latch, no support, tried expressing for a few weeks but it really is hard to establish an adequate supply that way. However, I now have 6 wk old dd2 and although breastfeeding has been far from problem-free neither dd2's latch nor supply are a problem. It really has been a completely different experience. This is partly I think because all babies are different but mainly because I have had excellent support this time and haven't been afraid to ask for help when I need it. You absolutely can do it second time round. And my dd1 has absolutely no issues at all with me breastfeeding dd2.

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