Exhaustion during night feeds with 7 week old, how to help or reduce these?

[Attheyard]

I have a 7 week old baby (tomorrow) who has had severe reflux since about week 3-4. Things have improved with omeprazole and gaviscon and we’ve had one stretch of a 4 hour sleep which was honestly incredible. But after that first longer sleep at night he will typically only go back down for 45 minutes to an hour, so a typical night will look something like this:
9pm - start bedtime feed, burping, change nappy, give gaviscon, burping, feed to sleep. Sit upright for 20 minutes (he’s asleep) then transfer. It’s usually about 10:30-11pm at this point.
1-2am: on a good night he will wake up for a feed. The process of feed, nappy, gaviscon and sitting upright takes 1.5 hours.
45 mins later: awake. Repeat.

Every now and then I have managed to shush him back to sleep by rocking the next to me but usually I have to get him up because I’m not sure what he wants and if he wants to feed or doesn’t like his wet nappy or he just wants a cuddle. He never feels cold, he’s currently sleeping in a long sleeved vest and 1.0 grobag.

I don’t have help overnight because my husband is back working and really struggles without sleep, so he goes back to sleep immediately. (He does all cooking, cleaning, laundry etc).

I get that he’s still really little but other friends’ babies and babies on the internet seem to be sleeping with just one overnight wake up for a feed. The multiple wakes after hardly any time plus the reflux are really taking their toll on my mental health and I am exhausted. I also can’t really catch up on sleep during the day as he tends to nap on me, in the carrier or in the pram. If transferred to the Moses basket he usually wakes up pretty quickly. Is there something I can change to get him to sleep for longer during the second part of the night? He is EBF, does have a bottle sometimes and no issues with him taking it so sometimes we give him a bedtime bottle but it makes no difference. It also makes no difference what we do in the day, or whether he has a “schedule” and I try to make him nap at specific times or just go with it. I therefore don’t pay attention to wake windows or whatever during the day as it suits us better to be able to go and do things whenever we like, or I’d be absolutely miserable. But I just desperately need more sleep! Co-sleeping and lying down feeding aren’t options for us due to no safe environment for this.

Sorry for the essay, I don’t know anyone who is going through what we are so have no one to talk to in real life.

Hi OP,

Agree with PP’s about an earlier bed time. Grab something easy or leftovers from the night before, eat with your husband at the weekend. It’s not forever but rest and the baby are priority at the moment. It won’t last forever, you’ll wake up one day in 4 months and be like, wow when did this improve so much!

And respectfully, you’re making a rod for your own back with the reasons you have said your DH can’t do a night feed/settle. In the long run you’ll need help and it’s better for DH and your DC to work out their own rhythm sooner than later (of course unless you’re not going back to work and planning to remain the one to do all the settles).

I also wouldn’t disturb baby doing a nappy change at every wake! Put plenty of barrier cream on before bed and just change it if there is a poo. Be kind to yourself and minimise the work you need to do in the night. I know reflux is awful to deal with as it is; have you had him reviewed if it’s this severe despite the gaviscon?

I understand your worry about SIDS but honestly SIDS is unexplaned - we don’t know why it happened and it can happen regardless of what you do or don’t do. I didn’t have any specific ‘set up’ but i BF my baby to sleep for the first 8 months because he woke 2 hourly that whole time (and had reflux). What I personally did was either side fed or fed with him on my chest and a pillow under each arm so he couldn’t roll anywhere if my arms dropped because they couldn’t. Honestly you have to weigh up the pros and cons of co sleeping, and I always preferred to be able to feel my baby and their breathing which i wouldnt have been able to do if he was in his next to me.

My next baby is currently 12w old and only wakes up once for a bottle (EFF this time bc of how bad her reflux is buttt she’s a good sleeper unlike my first). She’s always in her next to me and has no issue with being put down in it and only wakes up once. I do sympathise with how long it takes tho because it’s the same for me, one waking takes like 1hr+ after holding her upright etc. I would also say BF baby doesn’t need to burp as often so don’t stress if they don’t burp easily. Obviously this wasn’t the case w my first and i did what needed to be done to survive those first 8+ months. Try and put your anxieties about co sleeping aside, think about what’s best for you and your baby and if that’s a well rested mum then maybe co sleeping is what you need to survive. I didn’t even know how much my baby woke in the night because i was pretty much asleep myself lol

if you really really really can’t / won’t co sleep, why don’t you try making the next to me cosier? Try the najell sleep carrier (approved for overnight sleep) + a swaddle and they may go longer stretches? Hope you get some sleep soon 🥺

You can have CMPA and reflux. My baby does

Definitely don't change and nappy after a feed (unless poo) as that just means the milk can flow back up from the stomach.

Utter sympathy for you, reflux is a total bastard for killing your sleep! I had one with silent reflux who screamed all day/night, then one with reflux who vommed all day/night. Both had CMPA and soya allergy so I had to remove those entirely from my diet.

Are you joking that a baby so tiny is only going to wake you once in a night cmon that's very very rare so young. Sounds like your dh is very good at taking on some house responsibilities you just gotta plod on it will get better I promise just to early yet

@Attheyard sending solidarity. This is really hard. I was very lucky and I had what I think was good sleeper but even then I was doing 2 night feeds. I know it’s hard not to but don’t compare to others, you r baby will grow out of this reflux/colic phase but it does feel like it will last forever when you’re in it I get that completely .

Lots of previous good advice about changing routines around so you can get more sleep. You being exhausted doesn’t help you, baby or yYou r husband and I wonder how much of that 1hr of you and your husband having dinner together is quality time? EVERYTHING is a phase when you have a little - so no one is suggesting you never have dinner with your husband again - it might just be you need to do it for 3 nights a week or something so you can feel rested enough to enjoy your day most of the time and get anything else you need doing done.

agree with pp who suggested infant bf support - they’re amazing and may have something that drs haven’t thought about especially as they actually watch you bf and can give you live feedback.

also echo what others say about co-sleeping / side feeding. It’s worth a try isn’t it. We come to parenthood with all these preconceived ideas about what we’re going to do and what it’s going to be like. One of the best pieces of advice the HV gave me is you may have read all the books (I certainly hadn’t) but your baby hasn’t. Sometimes you have to focus on the baby you have in front of you. Lullaby trust has good info on how to safely co-sleep and it is done throughout the worlds. A pp has also shared a good video of how to do it chest to chest. I understand the anxiety and if you were coping as you were we wouldn’t be suggesting it but you’re finding things difficult and this is a possible solution so you can get some sleep. Again doesn’t have to be for every single Night. (Although if it works it will be as you won’t want to go back)

if you have any other support friends / family utilise them - they can come over and hold baby’s whilst you sleep in the day if needed

good luck

You can’t. And it’s not just breastfed babies. Mine woke every 2 hours in the first two years and then every three until he was 3.5. He’s slept through from then on 🥴

Do the best you can, but it’s futile trying to influence it. That way madness and frustration lies

Well this isn’t quite true. Once old enough you can sleep train.

Not everyone agrees with sleep training and there’s the occasional baby it doesn’t work for but it worked brilliantly for us - DC still woke plenty afterwards but only with teething, growth spurt, illness etc - we never went back to those clockwork wake ups that you get when they can’t resettle themselves between sleep cycles.

Obviously OP’s baby is far too young for sleep training but didn’t want to leave her with the idea she may have to live with this for years and there will be nothing she can do.

Thanks all, some good advice here. Maybe we will revisit co-sleeping, but we’d have to pack our bed away and put our mattress on the floor and my husband would have to sleep on the sofa so it doesn’t really seem ideal. We struggle a lot for space in our flat so a lot of more practical things age a challenge.

I think the best plan is to shift timings around. Last night was better in that we both had a 45 minute nap at 5pm and I did feel more refreshed going into the night. I also managed to go back to sleep this morning and so did the baby after my husband left for work at 6:30am so that really helped. I still fell asleep feeding him in the chair in the night but really that’s the length of time I have to sit up for with the reflux and side lying or co-sleeping won’t actually help with that. So hopefully the omeprazole does the trick properly soon. I appreciate all the reflux sympathy, it really is dreadful!