Please cheer me up!

[alexpolismum]

I'm feeling terrible today, I need someone to give me a virtual hug!

My son who is 13 months now self weaned at about 11 months. I am expecting number 2 in just over 4 weeks.

Last night my dh had a real go at me for stopping breastfeeding. He said I left the job unfinished in the middle and I should have tried harder to keep it going. I felt terrible. I still feel terrible. I already feel guilty, I keep asking myself what else I should have done to keep it going. My son just refused to breastfeed - could I have done anything to start it up again?

Now I've got the second baby arriving soon and dh says that my breastfeeding is to blame for our son's sleeping problems and that I mustn't feed baby no2 in the evening to go to sleep. Could he be right? Have I really caused the problem? Our son just won't drop off in the evenings, and even though he's tired he cries and doesn't sleep - it takes ages of walking him round on the shoulder to get him off to sleep.

Now I'm just getting upset about the whole thing. Am I just being silly letting it get to me? Is it just pregnancy hormones stopping me from thinking straight?

Thanks hanaflower.

Dh's sister went on breastfeeding for 18 months, so I haven't managed to live up to her example. He thought I would tandem breastfeed with the new baby - and I would have done if we could have kept going.

O.M.G.

i can't believe your dh is being so inconsiderate and unsupportive. He sounds like he knows nothing about bfing despite watching you bf for so long.

I am afraid that if it was my dh I would have lost it and behaved like a pissed off mama bear so I may not be the best person to give advice on constructive responses.

all i can say is that

1. you can't force a child to bf. (but some who self wean when the milk goes also go back to bfing once the milk comes back with the new baby)

1. bfing does not cause sleep problems. grown ups may view normal baby sleep patterns and breastfeeding patterns as a 'problem' or 'inconvenient' but that is our issues, not those of the baby.

do you think he is talking crazy because he is scared of the lack of control a new baby initially brings to the house?

would you ask him outright, for dialogue's sake, if he would rather you ff from the start and then he can do the evening feeds and putting to bed feeds and maybe even at least one night feed from day one?

What a twunt!
you've done so well to feed for that long, my dd self weaned at the same age as your ds and nothing could be done about it....don't compare yourself to your sil-everyone is different, so is each baby. I would do whatever you need to do get some sleep with a newborn and ignore your unhelpful and unsupportive dh. sorry you've had to go through this too

you did 11 months which is amazing and something to be proud of and dont let anyone else tell you otherwise!

kiskidee - I'm interested in what you say about starting up again when the new baby arrives. Do you think this is a good idea? I didn't know you could do that. Do I just take it slowly and offer him the breast to see what he does?

Perhaps you're right, maybe he's just starting to feel the pressure because we haven't got long now until the baby arrives, and he's just taking it out on me.

He would be horrified if I suggested formula from the beginning! Maybe I should tell him I've decided to try that this time to see if it resolves the sleep problem! For the record, he never had to do any night feeds, because until 11 months I always breastfed ds at night, and then (once we've actually got him off to sleep) he hasn't been waking up hungry since he stopped breastfeeding. He wakes up, but doesn't want to eat.

at your dh!

You have done a fantastic job to breastfeed your son as long as he wanted to.

Big virtual hugs to you.

i wouldn't necessarily encourage him to start up again as after all, you can't make a child bf against his will. if he is inclined to start up again, he will ask.

it can help him feel more secure that he is not being sidelined by the new baby and it will help them to bond as siblings later on. or so i have heard. plus there is the advantage of the antibodies to take him through toddlerhood.

i am due in sept and have an avid 3yo who is down to 2 feeds or so. at bedtime and most mornings and i fully expect she will want to feed more often when dd2 arrives.

yes, i think he is forgetting that he has the advantage of never doing night feeds so mentioning formula will be one way of making him begin to think rationally again.

i think dh quickly learnt that bfing dd to sleep (which we still do, but she will not let him cuddle her to sleep if i am not around) had some great advantages for him!

OK, now I have heard it all! He is being an arse! Tell him to get on here and explain to a bunch of bfing Mums how you stop a baby from self-weaning! for you!
btw tell him that the taste of your milk changes when you're pg which could explain why your ds self-weaned.

it sounds like this dh is in competition-by-proxy with his ds, doesnt' it.

are you still pg or have i missed a birth announcement?

Kiskidee, there is a picture of brand-new ds4 on my profile!

You have to admit it is funny - usually people post on here saying their DPs want them to give up breastfeeding!
Well done on getting to 11 months, and I echo where everyone else says - you cannot force a child to bf, but he might get interested when he sees the new baby feeding.
Your Dh is still a twunt and needs a good kick up the backside, though!

Why on earth does he feel like this? (Job unfinished etc) Do you have any idea what's causing these comments?