Bit sad - think will have to wean to try for DC2

[alittleteapot]

DD is one now - AP style demand bf and I am v happy with the way things are but it's time to start trying for number 2 I think but still no sign of AF. I'm late 30s and can't hang around for nature to take its course - DD could happily go on for a couple more years and maybe I'm one of those women who doesn't get fertile again till completely stopped bfing. Most of my peers have got their periods back now. DD still feeds quite a bit at night but hardly at all in the day now. Anyone been in this position - what do I do and how do I do it? Feel sad at having to make a change but will be sadder to miss the chance of another DC...

I was like this - could not conceive until I finished bfing. We had been TTC DC2 for a few months until I stopped bfing my 1st DC at 18 months - I got pregnant practically the day after I stopped feeding. I had no AF, even though I was down to 1 feed a day in the last month or two.

Same happened when I was bfeeding DC2 - stopped at 16 months and again got pg straight away (again no AF). If I had not been TTC I would have bfed for a couple more months at least.

with both DCs I was demand feeding for the 1st year and then down to set feeds - both on 1 feed a day at the end. In my case nothing was happening until I stopped completely. Will be able to feed this one for as long as I like - DC3 will be our last!

the thing is, he has me 100% convinced that some of his night feeds, he is genuinely hungry. hell, I'm often hungry in the night! So haven't quite got my head round how to handle that aspect of it...

PHD yes please let's hold hands - your'e identical to me. Haven't really tried anything yet. it's so easy to theorise here and make grand plans but fact is i find it pretty much impossible to withhold the breast. And handing over to DH is a) not practical and b) completely ineffective.

DD feeds roughly at 5am and 7am then usually not till lunchtime then at supper time. She still wakes quite frequently in the evenings and has to be fed back to sleep. This is the bit that's going to be most difficult to crack. She often sleeps from about 12 till 5 though sometimes still wakes at 2ish. It's much worse when she's teething.

My latest thought is to give reflexology a quick whirl to see if it can give things a bit of a quick start. Also to gently try and get DD into her cot, away from temptation at night. But I must say I'm feeling a bit panicky about it all - clock is ticking loudly but DD's needs and wants still feel so paramount. We got pg very quickly and easy last time but I know that doesn't mean anything when it comes to trying again.

Have looked at Kellymom, yes, and will check out fertilityfriend too.

PHD - let's stay in touch - maybe keep this up as a support thread?

meant kick start, though quick start would also be good!

Morning, spoke to reflexologist who said she could definitely help. she would say that wouldn't she? but good to be trying something while working out how to help move dd on. will keep you posted...

lol your dd sounds SO much like my ds! - the teething is the worst, after the 10th time I've been woken in the night I get all muddled and can't tell difference between "teeth hurt", "hungry", "cold" and "wet" cries!

but ds is very good now about going back to sleep without bfing if he wakes in the evening. In fact he did it all last night - fussed several times, but when I finally did give him the breast, around 4am, I got thoroughly chewed for my pains.

It's not going to be easy, is it? need to sit down with my dh and come up with a plan. and then, I guess, some time-frame to make it work in. sigh.

PhD if your DS can now go to sleep on his own I think you're half way there. For us any night weaning implicitly means we have to sleep train, something I'm not keen on AT ALL.
Good luck and let me know how you get on.

Also, wanted to say to those who had posted and had had miscarriages how incredibly sorry I am. Part of the reason I'm keen to crack on is because I'm discovering all the time how incredibly common mc is and I seem to have lots of friends who've mc their second pgs so I'm well aware it's a possibility i have to factor into my timescale. sorry that sounds a bit cold - i don't mean it that way far from it, just that i'm having to be a bit cold and practical because of the realities of my age.

DD slept from 11.30 till 5 last night. the 5 o'clock feed is like clockwork. can't imagine how i'll ever get her to give it up!

good luck to all and thanks again for all your useful posts.

yes he's good at that
I realised last night, to some extent it's ME that has the habit of feeding, not him! He whinged a few times and I kept trying to feed him. Got thoroughly chewed, so am going to try not feeding at all tonight. Wish me luck...

and good luck with the sleep training. I hate the thought of it too, but he seems to have sorted himself more or less. ('Course, I've just jinxed it by saying that!)

Except for the 5am feed - if that's the one fixed in stone, leave it for last I reckon.

Alittleteapot - I've not had a period for three years and I'm pregnant for the third time. DD is 19 months, I conceived, then miscarried then conceived this baby and I'm now 32 weeks pregnant - all with demand feeding.

Before you decide to quit, have you tried monitoring cervical mucous or doing ovulation tests to find out what is actually going on?

I felt the same - got a bit twitchy a bit earlier, and I did give dd formula to stop some feeds - got my period back when she was about 11 months, and down to a feed at bedtime, pretty much. On the plus side, I could then keep up bedtime feed, and still am at 19 months. I did get pregnant again, though it didn't work out (molar pregnancy), and now will have to wait to try again - ho hum. We did super super gentle sleep training which was very gradual, and took weeks, but we all enjoyed the process, no stress, no crying, etc, and it worked well.

Second advice on night weaning.

I got pregnant at 39 while bf ds1 who was 13 months. I had polycystic ovaries and endometriosis. DH had a low sperm count. We'd been told we needed IVF with ICSI after dd1 (6 at the time), but had conceived ds1 naturally 6 months later when I was 37.

DS2 was an accidental conception BTW as I'd meant to stop at 2 children. We'd had sex ONCE that month. ONCE.

wow, tittybangbang, that's a wonderful story!

alittleteapot, I've just been thinking about something I did do, which may have started ds off on self-settling - I thought he was getting too much in the habit of going to sleep on the nipple, so I started popping him off. I'd wait until there were long (10sec) gaps in his sucking (suck suck suck... suck suck suck suck....) and then wet the end of my finger, slip it into his mouth, pop him off. Sometimes this annoyed him and he had a little squawk, but if he still wanted something in his mouth his fingers'd go in. (Sometimes he'd be so far gone, his fingers would start but not quite make it all the way in, bless.)

now he's got the hang of it so well, all I have to do is pop my little finger in and out of my mouth, making a little pop! noise as I do, and he lets go of the nipple. He still protests sometimes, mind, but that might be a way for you to gently start breaking her of the habit of going to sleep on the breast?

just a thought...

ooh some lovely positive stories. Thank you!

whomovedmychocolate isn't it the case that if you ovulate and don't conceive you have a period, so people who conceive before getting a period have been lucky and caught the first egg? if not will def do a bit of monitoring as you suggest.

Habbibu - did you do No Cry Sleep Solution? I've been trying the delatch thing (like you PhD) for months, and it's definitely better but she's a long way from falling asleep without boob in her mouth. However, she's nearly walking now so properly tired in a way she's not been before, so I think the Jay Gordon type approach might not be too painful - she's just too whacked to protest for long (I hope...) and how much formula did you give for a feed? (Have no idea about that stuff...)

Tittybangbang (and others) what exactly constitutes night weaning? Stop anything after the 7pm feed?

Yes, it was sort of NCSS - didn't buy book, but browsed it A Lot at Borders. She gave up feeding to sleep herself, actually - was not pleased, myself, as it had all seemed quite straightforward! Anyway - cuddled till very sleepy, in cot, shh/pat till fast asleep for a few nights, then shh/pat till sleepy, then hand on but still until fast asleep, and just gradually reducing contact once something had worked for a few days. We took it in turns, listened to radio through earphones, and the one not at the cotside brought tea/wine. Really glad we did it this way - took ages, but just felt right.

Good to know it worked for you. I've had occasional success with patting when resettling in the last month since she got more tired with walking-practice. Till then it was out of the question. maybe we're getting to a stage where it will work. Maybe (she said hopefully) it will all just sort itself out

huh, guess I've sort of been doing a version of that - ds oges down on our bed. I used to sing/rock, then sing/pat, then just sing, now I just lie near him. Sometimes he wants to be pressed close, other times not. I usually end up briefly asleep alongside him!

We only did the patting thing at bedtime at first - if she woke in the night we picked her up, gave her a drink or bf and cuddled her back to sleep (she started to get really wakeful after bf - I'd swear I was lactating espresso at one point). Once we'd cracked bedtime, then we started to try resettling with shh/pat, because she understood what that meant then, if you see what I mean.
Now what I do is stand by the door and recite the Going to Bed Book by Sandra Boynton - dd loves it, and it's short so I know if off by heart. It's very cute to hear her mumbling "moon high... sea deep ... rock..a rock a rock... sleep" as she drops off!

Hmm, you see I'm now in the habit of feeding DD lying down, so she feeds to sleep in position she'll sleep in. I did this because I thought it would teach her to fall asleep in teh right place, but maybe I should have stuck to feeding her then putting her down. Might be too late now. She's a bit too lively at bedtime now!

Well look, I must have been ovulating for more than one month without a period, I conceived so, then miscarried at five weeks, then conceived again a month later, but I was showing signs of fertility much earlier than that - definitely egg white cervical mucous, plus positive OPKs.

The other thing I'd say is that I was told I wasn't ovulating prior to conceiving DD - then I had a laporoscopy and they saw the actual corpus luteum and were stumped. By blood tests, there was no chance of me having ovulated, but whoops there it is. I have PCOS too.

Some people's hormone levels do not fall within the medical 'norms' and yet they still manage to conceive.

One thing that I did do (and I did with DD and it worked then to ) was listened to a hypnoconception CD because I think you can 'think' yourself into a negative state of mind where you are focused on time limits and it doesn't help you get pregnant. Might be worth thinking about?

well i think i've been getting the right mucous anyway - glad that's a good sign. but couldn't you have just caught first egg each time? think you're so right about becoming negative and that not helping... must be careful not to obsess...

Not really - I had a positive OPK the month before I conceived the baby I miscarried. I also had considerably less cervical mucous - probably because of breastfeeding DD - than I did when I conceived her.

what exactly is opk? interesting story, thank you.

Ovulation predictor kit. More widdling on sticks I'm afraid!

teapot, I'm also in the habit of feeding ds lying down (this is getting SCARY btw!). I used to sing/rock him, then sing/pat, then just sing, now we just lie down together. Once he's really unconscious, I shift him to his cot for safety (he comes back later when we're in bed.) So it can be done!

Evening everyone! All this is sounding scarily familiar...
Am in the same boat with regards to no periods, DD 8months old and wanting to start TTC number 2.
DD has cut down her daytime feeds herself with increased solids and is now on 4 feeds a day (early morning, mid morning, mid afternoon and bedtime) but is still waking for feeding at night.
She has just started going to sleep on her own at bedtime, I sit next to her and read my book so she knows I am there, but its been very organic in the sense that before weaning she had so much milk and bedtime she was comatose before falling off, now she ha slightly less and so is only sleepy.
She has 2 feeds usually during the night, 10.30/11pm ish (don't think it is a coincidence that this is when I go to bed - she is i her cot but in our room) and then at 3am ish. Lately she has been not feeding just sucking and sleeping at the 3ish feed so that is the one we are currently cutting out... I say currently as tonight will be the second night! I do the same as at bedtime, pat and shush intermittantly so she knows I am there but she can take a while to settle!

Sorry this has been such a long post, but its just wonderful to hear that I'm not in the boat on my lonesome!