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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Attitudes to bf

14 replies

ChocolateHobnob · 27/05/2008 11:45

I have a six and a half month old DD, excl bf until 6 months when we started weaning, but still bf, just food as well now. Anyway this w/e I was at my parents house and my SIL was there. She's pregnant with her first. I started to bf DD in the livingroom as I usually do, and my SIL was horrified: she said it made her uncomfortable and she thought it was rude of me. I just said oh you get used to it, and carried on. But she clearly wasnt happy and she kept saying I would make people uncomfortable and it wasnt fair and why couldnt the baby be fed in a private room. I am a discreet and careful feeder and I have fed wherever needs be (on a train, in mortgage interview, etc) and noone has ever complained before! I asked if she intended to bf and she shuddered and said 'yes because I feel I have to but for as short a time as possible and I'd rather just express milk and feed baby that'. I'm not blaming her for her attitudes, I just find it sad that a pregnant woman can feel so repulsed by bf. Her antenatal care has included nothing about bf other than a brief mention in one of her 2 2 hour classes. How can we change attitudes?

OP posts:
belgo · 27/05/2008 11:49

Carry on what you are doing, which is bfing as if it's the most normal thing in the world (which it is!) - that's how we can change attitudes.

jammi · 27/05/2008 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

VictorianSqualor · 27/05/2008 11:54

I would have been horrified and told her just how rudeshe was being personally.

But yes, belgo is right, just keep doing it, the more people see it the more they'll get used to it.

I was ever so unsure about feeding DS2 n front of DP's family, but I've just fed when needed and everyone has been great, thankfully, but I like to think that as dp's cousins are there along with my elder two children, it will be seen as normal for them and that they'll feel more comfortable doing it when it's their turn.

Original poster
ChocolateHobnob · 27/05/2008 11:58

I guess Belgo is right and I did carry on (she left the room). I guess I was just surprised that someone about to have a baby would be bothered when noone else has seemed to be, anywhere I've been!

Jammi, that sounds tough and horrible. My mum bf me until 9 months which was uncommon in the seventies apparently, so is v supportive, and basically all my friends bf, so I'm used to people being very used to it, iyswim. Well done for keeping going despite lack of support!

OP posts:
decaffeinated · 27/05/2008 12:01

I think it's rude of her to tell you what to do at your parents house!

A friend of mine never imagined that she would breastfeed as it grossed her out. As soon as her son arrived, she said her instinct kicked in, and she exclusively breastfed for 5 months (despite most of her family telling her she ought to be formula feeding - a view she had once shared!!).

My stepdaughter didn't understand why I didn't feed my son from a bottle, but was in awe when I explained how my body made all the milk my baby needed - she thought it was magic! She didn't know it was possible til I explained it!

Just keep doing what you're doing!

Tommy · 27/05/2008 12:05

you just have to keep going and keep at it - that is how attitudes will change.

A friend of mine said recently that me breastfeeding in church gave her the confidence to do it No-one bats an eyelid. If it is a normal part of life then eventually it will be accepted by everyone

Here's hoping

PortAndLemon · 27/05/2008 12:07

To be honest after she said "yes because I feel I have to but for as short a time as possible and I'd rather just express milk and feed baby that" I would probably have said "I won't lecture you about how uncomfortable that makes me feel or suggest you do it in a private room, because it's your choice, and I'd appreciate it if you'd show me the same courtesy".

I suspect you can't change entrenched attitudes in adults; the best hope is to normalise it for the next generaton.

jingleyjen · 27/05/2008 12:08

I think it is up to you how you feed your baby.
I only hope she doesn't encounter anyone as judgemental about her parenting choices (whatever they are) once she becomes a Mum.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 27/05/2008 12:08

It's sad that she has that attitude, but it's more to do with her hang-ups than anything else.

All you can do is keep calmly feeding your baby - and nobody should make you feel uncomfortable about doing such a Good Thing

Original poster
ChocolateHobnob · 27/05/2008 12:11

I didn't feel uncomfortable about feeding, because I don't - I just think it's the most normal thing and so I am not bothered in myself about what people think. I am just sad that this attitude continues!

OP posts:
Rachmumoftwo · 27/05/2008 12:14

She is going to feel very uncomfortable at any mother and baby groups, baby clinics etc. if she is that uptight about it.

When she has had her baby, tell her bottle feeding offends you and ask her to go and feed her baby in the toilet. See how she likes it!

Blueskythinker · 27/05/2008 12:18

After the indgnity of childbirth, I imagine she will probably not so precious in her views

Rachmumoftwo · 27/05/2008 12:31

LOL @ Blueskythinker

VictorianSqualor · 27/05/2008 12:32

The first time I ever saw anyone breastfeed (and in fact the only time, still!) it was my cousin, at her house, with quite a few visitors, all extended family, but still.
It made me feel very uncomfortable, because it was something I wasn't used to.

I'd imagine once your SIL has started feeding her own baby she'll get over it.

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