Why do I feel like a failure when I'm obviously not?

[turtle23]

DS is 8 weeks and exclusively BF and appears to be gaining ok as has always been at about 60th%. His feeding pattern is erratic, my boobs don't know what to do and are always too full/empty. He seems to feed every 2 hrs for 10-20 minutes then goes 7pm-2 and between2 and 6 has 2 5 min feeds. Is this normal?

Oops...forgot to finish...anyway, I am very tired and keep being told to stretch out time between feeds as I'll sleep more, but try telling him that. He can't possibly be getting very much in 10 mins though, can he? We've already overcome the breast implants and nipple piercings, tongue tie, thrush and a hospital stay so am trying to keep going. Add tis to a bit of reflux and I just feel a bit rubbish about the whole thing.

Don't feel rubbish about it all, it sounds like you are doing a great job.
Babies do become more efficient at feeding and do get quicker. He'll be establishing a pattern according to his needs. Don't give up now, it does get easier and you did that in reply to his weight gain and growth.
By the way, I'm at almost 17 months and have had a few bfing drama's along the way, in total contrast to my Ds who was a dream at feeding.

dd fed every 2 hrs and never changed that pattern even after being weaned onto solids, was and still is on the 25th, and was a rubbish sleeper too. She went into immediate meltdown if i tried to delay feeding her.

But she has always been bright, cheerful, inquisitive and intelligent so i can't be that big of a failure.

The only way i felt human sometimes was to cosleep with her in the afternoons. Eventually we moved to cosleeping fully at night as it meant maximum quality sleep for everyone.

turtle

Can I make a guess at why you feel a bit rubbish?

You are listening to people who don't know much about bf. Your baby's feeding is totally normal - I mean, probably bang on in the middle of what we would expect an 8 week old baby to do. A baby who has that 7 hour gap in the evening has to feed 2 hrly or so in the day to get the calories in. 10 mins is quite enough time for some babies to get what they need.

Breasts at this stage are often 'volatile' - it doesn't matter a bit from the baby's point of view and as he is clearly thriving, it's not an issue

"turtle

Can I make a guess at why you feel a bit rubbish?

You are listening to people who don't know much about bf. Your baby's feeding is totally normal - I mean, probably bang on in the middle of what we would expect an 8 week old baby to do. A baby who has that 7 hour gap in the evening has to feed 2 hrly or so in the day to get the calories in. 10 mins is quite enough time for some babies to get what they need.

Breasts at this stage are often 'volatile' - it doesn't matter a bit from the baby's point of view and as he is clearly thriving, it's not an issue "

Round of applause, very well said. Ignore the dimwitswho say to pace out his feeds and just respond to his needs, which up til now you have been doing. Just keep doing it!

(is there a Baby Cafe near you? a bit of moral support might be just what you need)

Monkies

Oh turtle, I was hoping you'd be feeling a bit happier by now.

As Tiktok says your baby knows what he is doing, he will take feeds as and when he needs them, you're doing great.
Well done for sticking it out.

Oh also, if he is sleeping 7-1 can you not crash out at 7 to get a bit more sleep in, I guess that's part of the problem?

Sleep deprivation is a bitch!

VS- you must think i'm a terrible whinger. I went to HV today which sparked today's sadness as she was one who told me i'm prob not producing good enough milk or just feeding him too often and to let him scream it out a bit. Also told me i look very tired.

turtle, your HV has just given the game away - she cannot understand about breastfeeding if she is talking about quality of milk (and the rest of what she says is rubbish, too). Milk quality remains tip-top whatever the mother's state of tiredness and however often the baby feeds. How horrible of her to undermine you like that

That's terrible. I like my HV but if she ever so much as suggested I should leave DS to cry I would stop seeing her.

She clearly doesn't know what she's talking about and should not be allowed to make you feel bad, especially when you seem to be doing so well!

If it helps, 4 monthDS has never had a feeding pattern really - he's very affected by what we're doing and how he's feeling - he can go for a 3 hour walk with DH or his auntie and not even ask for food straight away when he gets back, but if he's sniffly or his teeth are hurting (well if he's grumbly and chewing his hands a lot) he can ask for feeds hourly, or even want to sleep on the boob for a couple of hours (this normally puts him in a good mood when he wakes up)

My boobs settled down around that time, and only ever feel at all full first thing in the morning - the rest of the time they feel "normal" - DS's irregular feeds don't seem to affect them.

We ignore the people around who say things like "he's a bit of a snacker isn't he" or "ooh he's still feeding a lot" and just do our own thing. Co-sleeping makes the nights quite easy, and he spends the first, longest sleep in his cot (parent time!) so we're all happy. If you're really not happy with the timings, I would look strategies to cope rather than trying to change your DC's sleeping pattern - because its got to be easier in the long run (I can't see how I could convince DS that he's not hungry when he actually is!)

turtle, tiktok is spot on about HV, have you considered other people for support? ( NCT, La leche ?)
YOU'RE DOING GREAT and yes the tiredness is PANTS!!

Not at all turtle!

I'm feeding my second ds (dd was bottle fed) and I've sat and cried to DP about being tired, with DS1 I put him on the bed, crying for yet more food at 6 weeks old(growth spurt anyone?), walked into my living room and screamed!

I left him to cry for a good ten minutes cos I was just so frustrated!

That was without any other issues, just me not understanding what to expect and just how time-consuming it is for the first few months.

At least this time around I know about bfing, I know why things happen, what my baby and my body are doing and most of all what to expect.

Still sucks when you're tired, but oh soamazing to be able to do this, me! by myself!I not only made this baby, but am all he needs for at least the next six months!Go me!!!

Plus it really does get much easier, as they grow and feed less it's much more freedom than bottle-feeding.

You're doing really well, whinge as much as you need to, it helps keep you sane(ish)

Turtle you are doing a fab job!!

My DD2 (14wks) had a very similar pattern at the same age and I also questioned whether she could get enough in 5mins. But she was happy and producing plenty of wet nappies, etc. At 14wks she has now settled into more of a "routine*"

I don't know if it's an option for you, but when I really don't want to deal with the whole HV issue I go to another clinic where they don't know me. Then I can just have her weighed, grab my book and run without anyone bothering me.

*Subject to frequent variation without warning

Calm..what a fab idea! On second thought, do I actually HAVE TO go to the baby clinic? Maybe I should just weigh him at home. Or not at all unless I'm worried...

Turtle,none of it is compulsory. Just avoid the arses who undermine you like this.
You are doing fabulously and shame on your HV.

Tirtle, you do not have to go to baby clinic, weight doesn't even need to be recorded unless you are worried.

As DS2 is my third I have been pretty much left alone, saw HV once after he was born and was told if I want to weigh him to self-weigh (it's something they do in a lot of clinics apparently, you weigh them and mark it in your book so as to save the HV's time for people with queries). Is there possibly a clinic that does self-weigh near you?? That way you can weigh him yourself, or don't bother, it's down to you.

VS-no, and the only baby clinic around is a 10 minute drive. On the other hand, could just weigh him at home. Much easier and wont have to pay for parking! Don't know why i thought it necessary.

Just wanted to add a message of support, turtle, as you're doing a brilliant job in the face of adversity, by the sounds of things. I am also totally aghast at your HV's total lack of understanding and seeming inability to provide you with support. As for her supersleuth comment that you look tired ... you've got an 8 week old baby FFS, you'd think in her line of work she'd realise you're meant to look that way!

Keep at it, you're managing just fine