Should I wean my 18 month old before baby 3 is born or tandem feed?

[MrsHf]

Currently pregnant with baby no 3 and still breastfeeding my DD 18months old. I had planned to keep feeding her even when the baby comes as I had no plans to stop feeding before 2 and fed my eldest until he was 2.5. But the last few weeks have started to be really difficult, I’m finding it painful to feed her and getting the occasional feeding aversion if she’s feeding too long. Also feeding her over night doesn’t seem to have the same effect as she used to just feed for a few minutes then go straight back to sleep but now once she has the boob she won’t come off again without waking up and crying so I’m feeding her for an hour or two overnight, not every night but the nights that she does I feel like I’m at my wits end.
I’m starting to worry that I’m just not going to cope with feeding a newborn and a toddler but the thought of weaning her is making me so sad as I know it’s such a comfort to her and I was hoping to be able to ease the transition into having a new sibling by being able to give her the comfort of the boob. Does anyone have any experience of tandem feeding positive or negative? I just don’t know how hard it will be and if I’m setting myself up to fail if I keep feeding her.

Wean. Get her used to being fed by her Dad so she will not be feeling jealous when new sibling is drinking etc..and can be attended to in the night by Dad.

Hmmmmm…
I bf for yonks and tandem fed DD and DS (24 months between them).
I remember toddler DD going from a couple of feeds a day during late pregnancy to all the fucking time when DS was born and my milk came in!
Ended up carrying on for ages and it was handy although I felt touched out and annoyed sometimes.

I do remember DD and DS holding hands when I occasionally fed them at the same time and, might be coincidence, but there was never any jealousy. It was really sweet.

However, I don’t know if I’d make exactly the same choice again and if you’ve had enough then you certainly don’t have to tandem bf. It did feel strange going from feeling like I hadn’t much milk (and sore!) when feeding during late pregnancy to my bosoms being the fountain of fucking plenty when I had DS.

They’re both young adults now and best friends, they both know I tandem fed them and took the piss in a good natured way recently by recreating a photo of them (2 and a few days old and bf) with cans of beer on my lap 😂😂

And, to add to my madness, I was also pumping and donating to the milk bank as I had a great supply!
Perimenopausal me is in awe at how much energy and patience 30 year old me had (4 kids under 8 too)

@CrackingOn50 I’ve heard this about tandem feeding and no jealousy and a good sibling bond before! It was one of the reasons I was planning to keep going. Did you wean them both at the same time or the older one first?
The feeling touched out and annoyed bit is the biggest worry for me, I just don’t want to feel frustrated with my toddler for feeding loads when the baby comes as I know she’ll need loads of attention and love during the transition into having a new baby in the house. It’s such an impossible decision for me!

@user1492757084 Im so used to doing it all myself, she doesn’t go to dad if I’m in the room when she’s tired or upset which is another thing we definitely need to sort out before the next baby comes! Both my kids have just been all for mummy so DH has gotten away with not having to do any night wake ups with either of them apart from when they were newborns. He’ll be in for a shock 😂

I planned to tandem feed my last 2 but 3m into my pregnancy I knew it wasn't going to be possible. I didn't enjoy bfing while pregnant and started to resent the requests for milk, which felt wrong. To be angry with my 2 year old for just asking felt really unkind. I weaned the toddler pretty soon after that and never once felt guilty. Get the weaning done asap, you want as long as possible between the toddler stopping and the newborns arrival.
Siblings without rivalry is a brilliant book for helping the transition to no longer being tje baby of the house, and for doing all you can to start a great sibling relationship.

I ended up weaning DD around bloody 4! She’s autistic and I’m sure the routine and closeness helped her immensely.
DS ended up going from easy home birth (like DD) to emergency transfer to hospital as he had a knot in his cord and in nicu after being born blue.
I was in hospital a few days with him and DD being able to visit and bf helped my supply as well as reassured her.
After the initial couple of months of DD reverting back to bf like a younger baby (from a toddler pattern of about 3 times a day to loads) she calmed down.
DS, apart from having silent reflux, was a really chilled baby and has always been independent. He weaned at about 3, the earliest of them all.

Bf is an excellent tool for managing babies and toddlers, as you know, and it really did help.

Also made easier by exDH doing the heavy lifting with the kids, housework, looking after me too so I could bf etc.
It was hard but I’m glad I did and it got easier.

How far along are you in your pregnancy? Each of my elder two self-weaned in turn while I was pregnant with their younger sibling, after temporarily ramping up the feeding in early pregnancy - they were completely finished by the end of the first trimester, and it actually made it very easy and not traumatic for anyone. It’s quite common for this to happen as milk can change a lot in both quantity and taste when you’re pregnant.

I planned to tandem feed number 2 and 3 but in the end number 2 self weaned, deciding that my milk wasn’t nice any more, when I was about 6 months pregnant 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don't know how true it is but a midwife told me it was much harder to wean after 18 months. I knew I didn't want to go until they naturally gave up so I decided that was my cut off each time. It was done in a day or two, my children are still v young but I barely even remember it. It probably depends on how long you want to feed for - weaning an unwilling toddler when you have a 6 month old, for example, sounds more stressful to me.