EBF vs EP

[justamum98]

Hi, LONG POST. Sorry x

just need a bit of advice. I have a 6 week old and a 3 year old. Since bringing the baby home my toddler has endless tantrums. He is really sweet around the baby and brings me fresh nappies and wipes whenever I change the baby and he holds her hand but he screams all the time when something doesn’t go his way (which is all day long) for example when he can’t have chocolate for dinner…

anyways. This is my first time breastfeeding and the baby is glued to me all day long. She cluster feeds at random times. Sometimes all morning and sometimes all evening there is no predicting what tomorrow will look like. I’m exclusively breastfeeding and whilst doing that I’m struggling to give my toddler the time he needs- for example to play etc.

when I do get 10mins away from the baby (which is all I seem to get) in between feeds etc I make my toddler food or change him or something but I don’t seem to have time to play with him. Not like I used to.

he is throwing tantrums like there’s no tomorrow. Screaming all the time and waking the baby or hitting our dog for no reason etc so I feel like this is because all of a sudden his mummy is too busy with another baby and he’s screaming for attention.

ive tried baby carriers but the baby isn’t a fan. I’ve also tried going for walks and the longest I’ve gone was 15-20mins because she screams the place down and wants to be on the boob all the time.

my sister has suggested I pump instead. Because with my first born he was formula fed and we obviously didn’t have this problem. The baby would just feed in 10min, burp, change nappy then sleep for the other hour. So it was a lot easier. My toddler doesn’t go to nursery so the struggle is real.

my baby is so glued to me I sometimes don’t have a shower for 2 days because I don’t want her crying. She also doesn’t settle in anyone else arms like her dads (not for very long anyways) and we have no other family around.

how do you all do it? Those of you that EBF second or third baby, how do you manage both without neglecting the other?

anyways, I’m not thrilled about the idea of exclusively pumping. It sounds like more work and for some reason makes me feel like a failure like I’m giving up on breastfeeding all together.

just want to hear thoughts. Any advice would be fab xx

Only had my first (pregnant with 2nd) but EBF her, at 6 weeks the cluster feeding should’ve calmed according to the feeding support I got. I would say go to your infant feeding team for support, mine were brilliant! It turned out mine had a tongue tie which hadn’t been caught. Because she was feeding all day she was still gaining weight but it was very hard for her which is why she fed all day. Might not be a tongue tie but could be latch issues making it difficult to get what she needs.

crying will likely be at its peak now but the feeding should be steadier.

You are definitely not going to have time to pump. It’s a lot of work. It’s so much easier to whip out your boob.

I know it’s so hard now. It’s a big transition for your toddler so their emotions are going to be all over.

It wouldn’t hurt to pump once a day so dad could give a feed to give you some free time. I pumped at the same time every evening and my husband gave her the milk while i had a bath. It really helped me.

I agree with the previous poster about seeing a lactation consultant. Sounds like she’s having trouble getting enough milk (this is not because you’re failing!! It’s most likely a feeding mechanics issue not your supply 💕)

do you have a breastfeeding support group where you are?

First of all, you are not a failure in any way, shape or form. Whatever you decide to do will be the right decision. That said, it’s still early days and the baby will settle down but it’s hard when you have a toddler coping with change and a million other demands on your time. Don’t be pressured by other people. Do what feels right for you and your family. And remember the goal is happy healthy children AND happy healthy mum.

I lowered my standards housekeeping wise and sat on the floor a lot with toddler and baby. Nursed baby while being on the same level as toddler. I could interact better with both at the same time.

I’m not thrilled about the idea of exclusively pumping. It sounds like more work
It is! I certainly wouldn't exclusively pump. I would consider mixed - pumping a bit(get a wearable so you can pump while snuggling toddler) and even formula to reduce the demand on you and your body. Look up the paced bottle feeding method.

my sister has suggested I pump instead. Because with my first born he was formula fed and we obviously didn’t have this problem. The baby would just feed in 10min, burp, change nappy then sleep for the other hour. So it was a lot easier. My toddler doesn’t go to nursery so the struggle is real.

I’m assuming your sister has never EP. EP takes a massive amount of time and faff, but people who have never done it seem to think it’s an easier option than EBF. It’s very different to expressing for the odd bottle. You need a hospital grade pump, which are mostly plug in, though spectra do make one which you can charge for up to three hours of use and put in a bag, but it is still difficult to hold a baby while using it. If EP, you need to do it every two to three hours to keep your supply up, around the clock. Washing and sterilising the pump parts and bottles is a faff.

I know two people who EP for six months, both with their first child and both said that they wouldn’t do it again as it was hard and took a toll on their mental health. I tried it for a few weeks and couldn’t hack it as had no help at home, and I only had one baby to look after!

I would also say that there is no guarantee that EBM would fill your baby up as well as formula, they digest BM faster than formula.