How to stop the bedtime feed for 2 year old

[EvelynSalt]

Can anyone give me any advice or experiences in practical steps for stopping the bedtime breastfeed for my 2 yr old please? For context she’s just 2.

We have stopped all other feeds and it’s just this one left, but it’s the one most ingrained in our routine. I’m going away for work very soon and want to wean completely before this so she has some time to adjust.

Current routine is:

1. DH bathes her, brushes teeth
2. I come up and help her get dressed for bed
3. I sit in rocking chair in nursery and feed her while DH reads a bedtime story, then he leaves
4. Continue the feed for c. 10 mins then I kiss her good night and put her in the cot before leaving the room

Should I just not go up at all at bedtime for a few nights? Or…be there but put her down right after story?

Feeling sad, emotional, confused and generally in need of advice from other mums please

I recently did this with my 2 year old. We started talking about mummy’s milk running out and I’d shorten his feeds by a little bit each evening. I don’t think there was much (if any) milk left by this point. Eventually he’d “just check” to see if there was milk, but not feed. He told everyone he met that “mummy’s milk has run out” and still talks about it but seems to understand it’s all done. Our bedtime routine didn’t really change, we still have a cuddle just without milk. Good luck, it’s such an emotional time! x

Following this thread for advice too!

I stopped the bedtime feed with my eldest a couple of weeks before her second birthday. I was really worried about it. Same as you, it was the only feed left but was integral to our routine.

I just told her the milk was gone. She moaned for about five minutes, drank some cows’ milk out of a sippy cup, and went to bed. The second night she expected to be breastfed. I told her the milk was gone, she moaned for a couple of minutes, drank some cows’ milk, and went to bed. The third night she didn’t ask and that was that.

It was so easy I kicked myself for not doing it sooner tbh.

Ask your husband to do story time alone for a few nights. He can offer her water casually. She might ask for you but she'll soon accept that it's the new routine. We tried this approach when our son turned 2 with success. He's now nearly 2.5 and I've just fully weaned him from the morning feed in the last month. It's sad and I miss it but after 4.5 years of bf two dc I'm excited to buy new bras and not have to worry about a bf summer wardrobe.

Really hope we have a similar experience as this sounds amazing! Fingers crossed. She has warm cows milk in the morning now before getting up so I’ll give it a go at night as well.

This was what I was thinking of doing, actually staying away but I was worried about totally extracting myself from bedtime. Although I assume after a little while she would be ok with me going back in

I went out. DH offered then a cup of milk and they accepted it. Did this for 3 nights and they were weaned.

I wouldn’t introduce milk at night as you’ve already done teeth so that would be bad for them. As others have said, talk about it and change the routine slightly to avoid the associations. Could you move the nursing chair out and maybe even get her a “big girl” treat in the space that she’d like (DS got a mini tiny snooker table when he stopped having “milko”)

I would also wear a crop top or bra under your nightwear to stop ease of access when cuddling!!

We cut down on night time feeding by DH doing bedtimes. But we took turns doing bedtimes for quite a while before stopping completely. DS wanted BFing when I was there and coped fine when it was just DH. It surprised me how flexible he was, as he certainly wasn't flexible when I was in the room! It turned out when he knew BFing wasn't possible because I wasn't there, he was fine with it. Who knew?!

From your plan, I'd suggest trying you do 1 and 2 and DH does 3 and 4.

Also, maybe reassess whether you need to have completely stopped BFing to sleep by the time you go away?

Perhaps instead aim for your DD being able to get to sleep without you with DH, but still BFing with you when you're there if she wants to, so you know she can cope with you being away but you don't have to stress about her being completely weaned at night before you go.

We did this for some time and it worked fine, and was much less stressful for everyone. Over time I was able to stop BFing to sleep as DS had got used to not BFing at night all the time.

My DS was a breeze ONLY becuase we started talking about it 6 months before we stopped. Reminders and countdown. It took 3 nights to night wean and 4 days to say wean.
I would offer him water and i told him before bed as a warning that no milk just water. And we did the routine with me as normal. Cuddles story and kisses and then a sip of water and falling asleep next to me / in my arms and then put down while drowsy.
He is 3.5 and he still asks to nurse sometimes.
What worked was warnings and reninders often. With countdown and just transparency. He got it and the first night was a shock but reminded him and he acceoter the new situation with some tears.

Hi op,

put her to bed and see if she notices? If she does notice, well…then you will have to decide if you want to give it more time or not but that will be a good opp to talk with a her and see how it goes?

I had an evening where I felt absolutely awful and just couldn't face feeding my twins so my husband did bedtime with bottles of milk. They never asked again so I think it was the right time for them. One thing I learnt though is we replaced the feed with a bottle of oat milk (as they're allergic to dairy) and they have now got identical fillings and I suspect because the milk was drunk after teeth cleaning, so I would substitute for water or no drink rather than giving a different liquid.

My Ds just naturally stopped at 3 he just no
more , much easier to get him to sleep when bf
is there a reason you want to stop

I had a similar thing…with both mine we introduced ‘big girl supper’ of either half a weetabix with milk or a little pot of rice pudding or custard before bed… and before teeth… I was worried that going to bed on an ‘empty’ tummy would disturb their sleep (both of mine were awful sleepers… I definitely didn’t need it to get worse) sometimes we would read whilst they ate… sometimes we would do another book upstairs… and said no milky… tummy is full of yummy ‘custard/pudding/cereal… after a few nights there was no more asking

I told mine that my boobs were already asleep and that we could have a cuddle instead. After about a week he stopped asking and that was that… I felt quite sad about it afterwards, I think it’s normal as your hormone levels adjust

It was a long time ago for me now, but I simply cuddled her and gave her a cup of warm milk and she took it without any trouble. I didn't talk to her about it, she was used to having milk from a cup during the day.
She was my last baby of four and I did feel rather sad about it, but had already gone on breastfeeding her for longer than the other three. It was time.

Haha I remember my daughter at five still liked a bottle at bedtime so one night I ( stupidly) said ‘what do you think at school if they knew you still had a bottle at night? ‘ she lay there thinking then said ‘we won’t tell them’ . She always made me laugh. However when her younger brother got too attached to his bottle and walked around with it hanging from his lips it annoyed her so she just took it and hid it. And that was it. He was two. I was astonished how easy it was. I always found it hard to prioritise my needs above theirs. But you should. Be unwavering.

Swap for a bottle of expressed or warm, ready made formula or fresh milk?

I didn't get my DD to stop till she was 3...was beginning to think if she would ever stop 🤣 she stopped completely by accident. left my DD at home with my DP to go to a performance my eldest DD was in...we got home from the performance v late about 11. And youngest DD was asleep! Slept all night fot the first time too ( would wake 2-3 times a night before stopping BF). I never breastfed again after that and her full nights sleeping began!
So maybe stay out one night at your parents or a friend, come back next day and never offer it again.