ABOUT TO QUIT BFEEDING, PLEASE HELP

[3madboys]

ds4 is proving to be a nightmare bfeeder, he will only feed when asleep or very sleepy, to get him sleepy i have to jiggle him, rock him feed him standing up etc sometimes it i have to get him to suck on my finger till he is nearly asleep and then put him to the breast.

this whole process takes forever and even when he is asleep he may not feed well or at all, it depends, he doesnt always like my letdown reflex, and i can be sat holding him, or lying in bed with him for two hours, for him to feed.

i am knackered, and stressed and at the end of my tether, i am fed up of his fighting and wriggling at the breast.

he is generally a bit better at night or in a darkened room with no distractions but this is no guarantee and i have three other children to consider, right now i am a crap mummy to them always telling them to go away or be quiet as i am feeding/trying to feed...

so do i carry on, or do i offer a bottle, i can express milk easily so shall offer expressed bmilk to begin with and will still bfeed at night when he seems to be ok with it (tho can sometimes still be a pain) and depending on how things go i can either gradually transfer him onto a bottle?

any thoughts/ suggestions?

i bfed my other children till they were three years old, so i feel crap at coming to this decision, but i need to be able to look after ALL my children, not just the one baby, at the moment life revolves around feeding ds4, and i darent even go out as his feeding is so bad

i feel miserable at the thought of not bfeeding but equally i cant carry on and tbh i want a break, i have been bfeeding for the past 6 yrs and they have all been faddy difficult feeders at times, but ds4 is just the worst and i dont think i can cope this time

do you think there could be some reason why he just doesn't like feeding (bottle or breast) have you tried craniel osteopathy, mine had very tight jaws and I think certain positions were uncomfortable for them. Or perhaps a lactose intolerance type problem???

Hi 3madboys. Hopefully one of the experts will be along with some advice for you soon. You poor thing, it just sounds exhausting.

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but a friend of mines DD was like this. She switched to formula... and she was still like it. So for the first 6 months or so she was rocked or white-noised to sleep for a feed. Would you regret switching if it didn't solve the problem? At the very least expressing would give you a break, I'm sorry I don't have any good advice for you though

thanks guys

sorry didnt reply earlier been feeding etc, have actully been out and bought bottles and steriliser so that i can at least express and feed him with a bottle, BUT we have had some okish feeds, well i had to stand up and sway a bit but he had a bit of a feed at 3ish and then a really GOOD big feed at 5 (again standing up) well for the first side and then i lay down on the bed and he had the second side he went to sleep whilst feeding but woke up shortly afterwards

i think the problems are that he gets overtired and overstimulated and so cant relax to feed/sleep

and that he doesnt like my letdown reflex.

i am going to take him to drs to rule out thrush/ reflux etc and i will try cutting out dairy, i had to do this with ds3.

i am taking it a feed at a time and we shall see how we go

i really WANT to bfeed as i fed the other 3, but i dont want to be so stressed...

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE RIDDICULOUS THING IS, THE LITTLE SWINE WILL ONLY GO TO SLEEP AT MY BREAST, I JUST SPENT MORE THAN AN HOUR FEEDING HIM TO SLEEP IN BED if i am lucky i will get two hours before he feeds again, during the night he sometimes faffs a bit, but he isnt anywhere near as bad and he uses the breast to sleep, its like his little pillow, he likes to sleep in my arm with his head resting on my boob

any ideas how to get him to sleep any other way?

have tried a dummy and he was sooooo not interested, he does keep trying to suck his thumb, and is quite good at getting it in, but not keeping it there, am hoping he will crack the thumb sucking and that will help us get more sleep, only hope it doesnt intefere with the bfeeding?

3madboys (you need to changfe your name to 4madboys )

Just wanted to offer support. Am having similar times with ds2, feel ever so guilty shooing ds1 away as ds2 so easily distracted etc It has been getting better again though and he is settling down abit. Am currently avoid public feeding though till he is more settled, feed in car etc. Well done you for feeding all of your boys so far. Stick with it and come on here for a moan when it gets tough.

Lol at the pillow comment (made me think of song - everyone needs a bossom for a pillow - which ds1 sings to me). Must have gotten through to ds2 as he will only fall asleep pretty much at boob. I resassure myself with the fact that they arent small for long and also how lovely it must feel to be comforted that way for him. Remember dummys replaced breasts not other way round and boobs are just for food but for comfort too. xx

lol awen you are right i do need to change my name, but dont know how, do i email someone?

also that song is brimful of asher by kulashaker, i have it on cd, all the boys have been the same and we have always said what an apt song it is, funny of you to mention it but lovely reminds me of the good bits of feeding, they look so sweet asleep like that and he kind of pulls of the breast when asleep and then rests his head on it VERY CUTE but knackering for me, it does get easier is the mantra i need to repeat to myself....

how old is your ds2? the bfeeding counsellor i spoke to this evening said this is often a difficult age (he is 9wks) and that it tends to get better by twelve weeks....

Has he been like this since birth? Has something changed to make him behave like this?

i think he is just finding it too hard to relax and settle into feeding or sleep, for the first two weeks he either slept or fed, and since then his feeding has been variable, he is ALWAYS trying to get to sleep when he goes on the breast and if he doesnt relax and sleep straight away then he starts to fuss and get frustrated

also from around 6wks ish, he has at times found my letdown a bit too forceful and that sometimes puts him off, tho i try and take him off or lean back etc, have tried block feeding, all sorts really,

he lOVES being at the breast when he is asleep its just getting him sleepy and to sleep that is the problem...... my others were similar but not as bad

ds2 is 20 weeks. Had hell of a night but think that is because he now has a cold. Kellymom is a fab site i have looked at and it gives advice about all kinds of issues.

actually awen, i have decided enough is enough had an utterly crap night and he has been a nightmare this morning so have a friend coming round who is going to help me put him on bottles.

Cant offer any advice on bottles. Seems a shame to stop, understand must be hard having 3 other children but this stage really doesnt last. Is there any other way of managing? Extra family help?

Whatever you go with though wish you all the best

no family near by to help, dp and i both moved here to go to uni and settled, family a good 2hr drive away and my parents both work anyway.

seriously i actually feel enormously relieved, he has had two bottles and taken them fine, 15mins on the bottle compared to two hours faffing on the breast, and he has slept and been a happy wee soul, obviously realising that i am more relaxed, am worried about tonight i have NO idea how to get him to sleep but really its the best thing all round

i have been able to take the boys to the park, sit and play with them etc, the differnece is amazing

Seems a shame to stop breatfeeding altogether. Could you not combine the two? IME babies often seem more settled on formula till their systems get used to it them you can be back to square one.

What about giving expressed breastmilk via bottle? Might you not regret that he is not haqving the same healthy start as your other babies?

Sorry for the questions but I find it hard to understand how you can come to terms with bottle feeding so quickly given your breastfeeding history.

how can i come to terms with it? i cried and cried and cried and cried, but i was at breaking point, utterly exhausted, i couldnt function, could feel myself slipping into depression and could see the effect it was having on the WHOLE family, i have three other children to consider, and yes i would love it if bfeeding was working and ds4 was getting that but tbh i couldnt go on at all.

i have been bfeeding for the past 6yrs without a break and it was just ENOUGH, i need the chance of a break and tho it may seem incredibly selfish, the positives of bottlefeeding and the things i can do, drink, eat what i like, wear nice bras and fitted tops etc, go out on my own, or take one or all of the others out, start going swimming again (normally have to wait till the babies have been twelve months before i could relialby leave them for the three hours i needed to get to the pool and swim 80 lenghts, i am a long distance swimmer) etc all little things that add up and mean i can feel human again.

and ds4 is like a diff baby, he slept brilliantly last night, and has been a dream this morning, he is still co sleeping and i use the sling etc so he is getting all that closeness and dp can be more involved as can his elder siblings, we are all happier already

will i regret it? maybe a bit, i have had pangs of guilt and sadness as he roots for the breast but he has taken the bottles from me just fine, staring up at me with hid big blue eyes and grinning etc he gave his first proper belly laugh as i sneezed this morning seriously we are a diff family now, how can i regret something which has made such an immediate and good impact on my life?

and fwiw, i have bought organic formula and am making sure that i get the best one that i can etc, so it may not be the best but its still good for him

I think you seem so much happier that it's worth it :D I hope you continue to feel this fab!

Thanks for answering my question which may have sounded insensitive, but it is good to hear others' points of view.

Could it be that extended brteastfeeding has taken it's toll? I have 4 children but the longest I fed was 15 months - they all self weaned.

I did have time for myself between babies so therefore never got the feelings you describe. Interesting.

Have you tried breast compression? Often works for fussy feeders.
How old is your baby?
You sound down. Can you talk to a breastfeeding counsellor? Even if it's just to find closure? It is tempting to treat breastfeeding as the scapegoat when things are difficult. Sudden weaning can lead to postpartum depression with the big hormonal swing. The fact that you breastfed the others so long shows the value you place on it.
Good luck

mears i think you have hit the nail on the head, i have been bfeeding for 6 years and i only had a short break in between ds1 and ds2, then havent had a break since, and yes i do think it has taken its toll.

seriously i lOVE bfeeding, but i have always foud the baby bit difficult, all the boys were fussy feeders when young, but then got better and then once ten months ish they all became boob mad, they all bfed during the night till they were two year plus etc, and i know you do get so you sleep through it but i thin physically it takes a toll on your body and also mentally, i have a fab close relationship with my boys BUT as i am their full time carer and we flexi school so the two eldest are part hom educated, i really dont get a break (the flexi school is another reason that i need to bottle feed) i NEED the time to do activities etc with the elder two.

sorry off track a bit there, back to what i was saying, yes bfeeding for that length of time has taken its toll, i think i have had mild depression on and off for years and not really acknowledged it, as i love my boys and want to do whats best for them, right now they need a happy mummy and that means bottles for ds4, i do feel sad but seriously i am so much calmer have had a fabulous day being a mummy to all the boys and i ENJOYED feeding my baby, i have dreaded every bfeed.

sorry if i seemed abrupt in my answer earlier, i think i am taking everything very personally at the mo, tiredness and hormones going mad

Glad you feel better

Please excuse me butting in, I'm new on MN, but I'd like to encourage you that you have given ds4 a great start in life by breastfeeding, and should be congratulated Now you have to do what is best for your whole family, including yourself. I felt very upset when I stopped breastfeeding, but the rest of the family needed me. At least I gave all my children a few months start (I had to express to feed all of them).

thanks mulittaskingmum (great name btw)

that means a lot

You are right it is about thinking about the WHOLE family, my other children were really suffering as i was permanently stressed and trying to bfeed, and it just wasnt working.

i have to say the relief i feel is enormous and ds4 is thriving, he is soo content now and feeds like a dream, plus he has learnt to suck his thumb, which is amazing, he looks sooooo cute and it means he is sleeping well i still have him in bed with us, we have co-slept with all the boys, and as we dont have a cot he is staying in with us so i have that closeness and seriously when i sit and give him a bottle and he gives me a big grin its great

dont get me wrong i think bfeeding is fab and i loved it, but i am actually enjoying bottlefeeding and its transformed our day to day life, i can be a mum to all my kids, which given that ds3 was ill today and i had to collect ds2 from school early as he fell out of a tree........ the joys of parenting... lol

anyway, thanks again it really means a lot

I have 3DC's.I breastfed my DS until he was 10mths with no problems.I (smugly)expected my 2nd DC to be the same,at 6 weeks she just pulled off and screamed,this went on for 24hrs,I was distraught,everyone I turned to for advice BF counsellor/HV/Family and friends could offer no explanation,after eliminating all the "usual" causes ie Thrush/Reflux etc.So I carried on despairing,and my baby stopped feeding after 3 minutes,and then refused all together,so my DH went out and got bottles,and she took a full bottle straight off and never looked back.She thrived and was very content.I was heartbroken at first,but when you realise how content they are,you cant really complain.My 3rd DC came along,and I was determined to "try" harder to succeed,she was very happy feeding and I continued to BF exclusively for 6 mths,and then introduced Formula at 11pm,when she'd sleep for 4-6 hrs.To me it seems that some children are different from their siblings and don't always "enjoy" a BF,or thrive on it.Sometimes you just have to take their lead,and do what benefits them most,and hopefully you too.

Is it worth expressing for some feeds and giving him ebm in a bottle so that you can keep up your supply, you say elsewhere you are able to express?
That way if you change your mind you still have the option to continue breastfeeding, even if on a part time basis?
Am thinking also of the fact that its often much easier to breastfeed once they are past the small baby stage.