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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

how to stop[ a night breast fed?

47 replies

hermykne · 15/01/2005 12:11

ds is nearly 6mths and totally breast fed, i'd like to stop the night one at 2/3am, do i just go cold turkey on him and see if he settles back to sleep. he doesnt really take a good feed a this time anymore, however he still wakes for it.he has never slept thru, he wakes 6/7am for morning feed and i feel its not a great feed for starting the day. and he feeds at 10/11pm still.

he is on solids since 20wks. eek! i confess!!!

OP posts:

morningpaper · 15/01/2005 13:47

NQC: some of us DO snack in the night...

morningpaper · 15/01/2005 13:47

(I'm just a pig though)

crazy · 15/01/2005 13:48

if you read my earlier message, I totally agree with notquitecockney and offered exactly the same advice.

This involves little upset for the baby, as I am all for teaching babies gradually to avoid little upset, prevention is definately the way to go. Unfortunately if this isn't done, and want problems rectified at a later stage, then controlled crying is usually the only way of solving the problem.

hercules · 15/01/2005 13:48

I feed dd (15 months) at night if she wants to. It's only for a few minutes and as we cosleep I barely notice it. I know she's not hungry and it's habit but I also come from the other side.

I can understand why people use cc etc but it's not for everybody. I'm happy with the way things are and I guess that's the point for us anyway.

crazy · 15/01/2005 13:54

good on you smellymelly, thats a good attitude to have! we need a life too!

morningpaper · 15/01/2005 13:56

Probably got another 50 years to 'have a life' after my daughter's grown up and left home. Life's too short to stress about night feeds IMO...

NotQuiteCockney · 15/01/2005 14:11

I think night feeds work better for some mums and babies than for others. I can cope with much of the disruption of motherhood, but disrupted sleep just makes me horrid. I can't seem to nap, and I spend days in a fog, or with headaches.

Cosleeping works fine for me, with night feeds, but when we move DS2 out, he'll be off night feeds very soon afterwards.

smellymelly · 15/01/2005 14:17

I would do anything to keep my kids happy to, but I need a hell of alot more sleep than what I have been getting for the past 6 months, due to a bloody hard pregnancy, and now looking after twins. It would make me a much better mother, if only I could get a full nights sleep, so that is what I will be working towards, for me and my family.

But like anything we all have to do what makes us happy!

bakedpotato · 15/01/2005 14:20

IMHO people who cope well with night feeds are very lucky. i wasn't one of them. that's why the recent 'whether to feed one yr olds in the night' thread was so fascinating. i think it showed how night feeds, after a certain point, and for certain women who struggle with broken nights, can really screw up early motherhood. equally it showed that women with a different attitude to sleep, who find it easy to dip in and out, found it hard to understand what it's like for the rest.

i think it's wrong to make those women (ie me) feel bad for wanting to structure things after a few months so that they, as well as their babies, are happy. i don't begrudge the night-wakers their night feeds, which so many people obviously find pleasurable and cosy: equally, please don't suggest we are in any way failing our babies by gently coaxing our babies into a pattern of sleep/feeding. surely both ways are right depending on the sort of person you are.

crazy · 15/01/2005 14:26

I totally agree with you baked potato, what works for one, is another persons nightmare. Go with what you feel comfortable with. I knew I'm useless on little sleep, so encouraged my d1 to sleep well from an early age. This made my d1 a very happy baby, and me a happy mum, she still loves her sleep and sleeps well night and day.

Original poster

hermykne · 15/01/2005 16:20

just been out shopping will print off and read and reply thanks in advance

OP posts:

aloha · 15/01/2005 16:34

Morningpaper, IMO getting your 'needs' met and getting your 'wants' met are not by any means always the same thing - even in babies. There are plenty of babies who really, really want to stick their fingers in plug sockets/eat batteries/catfood, and will cry and cry when you stop them, but you do it without worrying about scarring them for life IME. Life is not to short to worry about night feeds/night waking if they are making you feel ill, exhausted, stressed and unhappy. Nobody is the best mother they can be under those circumstances. Sleep deprivation is/was used as torture all over the world and through history so it clearly is very, very unpleasant for most people. I deeply envy people how have or have had babies that wake for two minutes, have a quick feed, drop straight off to sleep, leaving their mother to drop off equally quickly. I'm sure it is wonderful This is NOT the case for everyone, and frankly, if you are suffering from sleep deprivation and looking for some kind of solution it can seem pretty harsh and unkind to be told you are a bad or selfish person for doing so. My lovely ds was -as I'm sure everyone on MN knows by now - a terrible sleeper for his first eight months. He woke constantly, and stayed awake for hours, and generally put us through hell. Not his fault, not our fault, but it was truly appalling and upsetting at times. If you don't know what that feels like, then lucky you - count your blessings.
Crazy, please stick around! My next baby is due on 7 Feb and though I am keeping my fingers crossed she will be one of those fabulous sleepers I have heard about, I am already really worried about how we are going to cope if she is like ds, so I may well be posting for advice!

Original poster

hermykne · 15/01/2005 16:50

twiglett i saw mears thread and foound it encouraging. my ds is similar to your dd feed wise so maybe a 8mths he'll have grown out of it.
crazy i have done the time reduction thing in the night but not consistently and when my ds roars he roars , so dont want to wake dd either.
kate my friend has a bay who hasd grown out of it natually at 8mths.

baked potato - tonights dinner thanks- my sleep is NOW ok, i alternate nights of going to bed early and compensate like that. to be honest i have gotten use to it.
my ds is big so i just thought maybe he can go without the feed, he must be about 21lb now, 5mths +2,
NQC c/c worked on him for his naps and bed fairly easily sdo i could use it in the night if i knew dd wouldnt wake.

i honestly dont mind the night feeds, i enjoy the breast feeding now, and thought i might continue longer than with dd 6mths.

thanks for the support all

OP posts:

aloha · 15/01/2005 18:05

If it's OK for you and you only have one night feed and you all go back to sleep afterwards then I don't really think you have a major problem - and you might not be motivated enough to change anything! I know I wouldn't have been. Not that anything I did worked at that stage anyway....

morningpaper · 15/01/2005 18:25

Aloha, I realise I made you and others feel bad and I'm very sorry, that was NOT my intention. I do apologise.

My dd woke every 90 minutes at night until she was just over a year old, then started waking once or twice a night, then slept through from 18 months. So I know what it is like to feel so tired you wonder whether parents of young children should actually be banned from driving.

However I REALLY REALLY wish that I hadn't received so much advice to try CC and all the other methods, because frankly I just felt like I was a failure because nothing worked with dd. I have a whole shelf of books to testify. My HV gave me weekly lectures on what I was doing wrong and how I was making a rod for my own back etc etc. But I honestly DO think that CC is wrong if it's seen as the routine think that 'you should do.'

No one ever said to me "Well just keep feeding her" and if they had I would have been very grateful.

One day I was talking to an old lady and she said she was so jealous of me and that one day I'd want to cry at the thought of my babies asking for me in the night. After that I just thought, it, I'll just keep feeding her and enjoy it. I kept thinking that she'll be 9 and hate me soon enough.

And I'll soon be 80 and not wanting to die any more than I did when I was 21, as my friend cheerily put it.

aloha · 15/01/2005 18:45

Don't worry really. It is a bit of a raw subject (even now, more than two years later). It was very hard for me and for dh despite sharing the load. I so envied people who could a/sleep and b/go places as we were always too knackered and ds slept even worse (if possible) in other people's houses so we couldn't visit friends or go on holiday really (well we did and it was HIDEOUS!). But nothing seemed to work to improve things at all - and yes, I read all the books too and felt dreadful and as if it was all my fault. Feeding did nothing to help him sleep sadly, and he'd feed for up to a hour at a time at night and then poo everywhere so I know that this doesn't work for everyone, nor does co-sleeping, nor does GF or the Babywhisperer or anything!!

crazy · 15/01/2005 18:51

Aloha, of course I'll give you as much advice as you need.
I actually have my own company which does just that! with fully qualified Maternity nurses most of them mothers themselves, so are very sympathetic to your needs, they come to your home, to offer the much needed support that new mothers need, it works on a consultation basis they come for an hour or a whole day, whatever you would prefer.

Giving you all the tips on getting your newborn into a nice sleeping pattern, with minimum crying.

let me know, if you want to know more my website is under construction at the moment, but will be up and running shortly.

aloha · 15/01/2005 18:54

OOh yes, maybe you could CAT me (contact a talker) with your info. In what passes for my real life I am a journalist for women's magazines and (she says, mind whirring!) it might make a feature of some kind.... (hmm....who for?)...

crazy · 15/01/2005 19:16

sorry just put little one to bed! sounds great, advice for publicity, like it!

I'm off on holiday first thing tomorrow, but will be sure to be in touch on my return. I'll try and get round to sending you some info this evening.

Original poster

hermykne · 15/01/2005 19:36

aloha, i suppose my situation is no where near yours with your ds, you must have been demented.

my dd didnt start sleeping thru until about 3mths ago, aged 2. so up to ds being 3mths i was up practically every hour of the night, and dd was awake, maybe twice but usually once, plus an early riser of sometimes 6.30 now its 7.30.
now she is so busy and really wrecked i then she conks out as head hits pillow.

so the breast feeding was hard with so little sleep, but since her nights have gotten better and ds has settled into a very predictable routine i am keen to continue with 1/2 feeds.

is it a bit cliched of me to say no 2 babies are the same with regards to your next baby!
dont mean to be

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 15/01/2005 19:43

aloha, babies really do differ for sleep - DS1 refused to sleep except attached to me. I could not move. If I wanted him to nap during the day, I had to use a sling, or sit perfectly still for the duration, with him attached. We co-slept, but I couldn't roll over without him waking. (He wasn't a complete nightmare, though, he did sleep at night, albeit with us.) We did CC at three months, and it seemed to help all of us.

DS2 sleeps excellently in the pram, and reasonably well if I sneak off, leaving him asleep in our bed. I can roll over in the night. DH accidentally hit him in the head with a soft toy the other night, while he was asleep, and he didn't really notice.

So I think you have reasonable grounds for hope. And if things come out the same, at least you know it ends!

aloha · 16/01/2005 19:00

It's true, I will know that one day it will end...probably...if it doesn't kill me first!
I have bought a thing to swaddle her in and a baby swing this time around - had neither last time and could never get the hang of swaddling ds.
Oh well, it's only three weeks to go. I suppose I should go and wash stuff, or something!

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