Toxic relationship with breastfeeding

Win100 · 2025-04-21T07:35:29+00:00

I have no idea if the title is click bait but I am reallly looking for solidarity. Does anyone else feel they have a toxic relationship with breastfeeeding? I LOVE breastfeeding. I feel so blessed that my early c section baby latched straight away and we had a fairly smooth journey. I love the bond, I love that my baby needs me and the feeling when he feeds is indescribable. However the flip side is I am so so so miserable in my body. I was lucky in pregnancy (well had GD so not lucky) which meant a week after the baby was born I was back to my pre pregnancy weight. However since breastfeeding my appetite is insatiable, all I eat is sugar and every time I try a calorie deficit my supply drops and I am STARVING. I feel so alien in my body even more so than when pregnant as all be done is put weight on whilst breastfeeding. It really is the ultimate sacrifice. Not looking for advice really , just solidarity!! Baby is 5 months

vincettenoir · 21/04/2025 08:54

I think a lot of women feel v strongly about bf which is why it is an emotive subject. I liked bf when it was going well but I was shocked by how many hours in a day my dd fed so it was a sacrifice at times and then became more difficult when my baby starting weaning and it was more difficult to understand her cues.

Kitchensnails · 21/04/2025 08:56

I found breastfeeding really hard, like you I found it wonderful in some respects and struggled with other aspects. Looking back now I realise it was a short time really, but at the time it felt overwhelming and a lot! I don't regret it.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 21/04/2025 09:00

I loved that I was able to do it for so long, but resented that I was the only person able to, nevertheless knew it was best for us as a family and I didn't begrudge having to do it iykwim just the hard slog of always having to....

I managed 19 months (self wean) and 25 months (me saying Enough!).

I am glad I stuck at it and I feel it was a good thing to do, overall.
Was pleased when it ended. 😏

123EndOfRope67 · 21/04/2025 20:38

Yeah I think a lot of us feel the same. Being the baby's only source of food is incredibly exhausting.

I remember childless friends asking why don't I just pump to give myself a break. I just wanted to fucking SCREAM because that is not a fucking break, that's actually MORE work for me.

I go through periods when I just love it. But I also hate it.

I want my body back. But I know I will miss this bond so much I can't give up yet.

My baby is 8 months.

Original poster

Win100 · 21/04/2025 21:07

i hear this! All day I’ve been like ahhhh I just want to stop, now here I am doing the first feed of the night and actually doing a sigh of relief when he’s latched because I love how I can instantly soothe him 😩. I love it so much, but the fact I gave my body up for IVF, pregnancy and now breastfeeding just feels all too much sometimes. I feel selfish for feeling this way and i definitely don’t want to stop breastfeeding but sometimes I just think wow, I forget what my body used to look like/ feel like ? But then I look at my healthy happy growing baby and it somehow feels ok 🥹

OP posts:

Original poster

Win100 · 21/04/2025 21:09

Also 123EndOfRope67 pumping is most deffo not a break!! Everyone saying oh why doesn’t your husband do some night feeds etc to give you a break, oooo that’s cos I still gotta pump when he does it haha!

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123EndOfRope67 · 22/04/2025 15:19

I am finding that my whole life is lived in 2 hour increments and there's no room for me. I've also had to go back to work at 7 months and between pumping, breastfeeding when home, and working, I have zero time to myself. Like, zero, nada.

It completely puts me off having a second child as I would feel guilty not breastfeeding the second one but I also can't sacrifice myself to this extent again.

kalokagathos · 22/04/2025 20:30

For me it was easy after 8 weeks. It was a very steep climb. But then, I reaped all the benefits. No cost. No cleaning of bottles. I could be proper lazy:) from 6 months you wean anyway. I had all the sleep I wanted as we co slept from 6m and baby helped herself to my boob. I lost weight quickly but I was shamed into stopping when my daughter was 16-18months by family asking „if I’m planning to stop when she is 16 years old…” and rolling their eyes a lot.

in terms of your actual question and pull to sugar . It’s your brain tricking you into going to sugar. You’ve just formed a habit and your brain registered it. Get loads and loads of protein foods - eggs, tofu, avocado, lentils. It will do the job. And nuts. Plenty of those. May prevent nut alergies in future.

Dairymilkisminging · 22/04/2025 20:39

I'm with you. Hated having to be on tap all the time. I had really fussy babies that wouldn't take a dummy. My boobs had to be comfort, hunger and thirst at all times. Not even me just the boobs. I felt detached from them. I don't mind they've changed Shape or look like snoopy ears.

I've had two terrible sleepers with reflux and cmpa. I had to restrict my diet alot to try stop the wind effect.

Also when they get to that stage where they are doing handstands while trying to feed or pulling hair or want to play with the other nipple. Drove me batty.

But then in the quiet just as they are drifting off to sleep and they look at you not much replaces that or the magic when they've hurt themselves and boob makes it better.

LuluDelulu · 22/04/2025 21:07

Out of interest, why are you trying a calorie deficit if you’re already back to your pre pregnancy weight?

Make sure you’re eating a healthy diet and getting calories from healthy sources (nuts, cheese, bigger meal portions) rather than sugar where possible, which makes everyone feel like crap.

I am being harsh here as I love sugar too, but it helped me to eat less of it where I could.

It gets so much easier — especially once they are eating food at 6 months and feeding less. You feel less guilty about having the odd wine or too much coffee etc when they are eating food too so the amount of BF reduces. I’m still feeding my 21 month old which I never imagined. Hang in there!

Original poster

Win100 · 22/04/2025 21:13

LuluDelulu · 22/04/2025 21:07

Out of interest, why are you trying a calorie deficit if you’re already back to your pre pregnancy weight?

Make sure you’re eating a healthy diet and getting calories from healthy sources (nuts, cheese, bigger meal portions) rather than sugar where possible, which makes everyone feel like crap.

I am being harsh here as I love sugar too, but it helped me to eat less of it where I could.

It gets so much easier — especially once they are eating food at 6 months and feeding less. You feel less guilty about having the odd wine or too much coffee etc when they are eating food too so the amount of BF reduces. I’m still feeding my 21 month old which I never imagined. Hang in there!

Ah, sorry I’m not back to pre pregnancy… I was, then breastfeeding appetite and all that…. 10lbs up! Not the end of the world as 10lb isn’t loads as just feeling uncomfortable!

Thank you for the kind words and advice, I very much know how to eat healthy I just bloody can’t haha! Hopefully once he’s Weaning I’ll also wean myself off sugar! I hope I manage to BF for as long as poss! The night feeds when it’s quiet and just you and them is my fave

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Odras · 22/04/2025 21:26

You need so many calories when you are breastfeeding. Add in a second dinner rather than go for all the sugar. Would a skimmed milk hot chocolate or a muller light thing satisfy you?

But yes I totally understand. I think most people have a love hate relationship with breastfeeding.

Somanylemons · 22/04/2025 21:35

Such solidarity!

I was also quite sickly during pregnancy and 3 weeks post partum I found myself 7lb below my pregnancy weight. I was also insatiable for sugar and in all gained 2 stone through 10 months of BF.

The actual BF was easy once it got going and I don’t regret it for a moment.

The positive once the BF was finished and I returned to work the weight dropped off fairly naturally. But I’ve definitely gone through quite a journey with my body and struggling to feel myself.

Strangeworldtoday · 28/04/2025 09:22

As someone who couldn't breastfeed, I would have been upset by someone evangelising breast feeding and saying that it was their research and effort that enabled them to be able to do it. Don't think that formula feeding mums took the easy way out, many of us would have spent day and night trying and failing and crying and being told to keep trying and being judged when it doesn't work, so expect that if you bring up the subject with formula feeding mums that they will not want to discuss the subject of how your efforts were superior and that we have concluded after going through the mill that we just don't care how well others breast feeding is going.
We did all the same research as you, put int he same effort but it just didn't work.
Hence the dismissive comments you might be getting.

Original poster

Win100 · 28/04/2025 09:25

Strangeworldtoday · 28/04/2025 09:22

As someone who couldn't breastfeed, I would have been upset by someone evangelising breast feeding and saying that it was their research and effort that enabled them to be able to do it. Don't think that formula feeding mums took the easy way out, many of us would have spent day and night trying and failing and crying and being told to keep trying and being judged when it doesn't work, so expect that if you bring up the subject with formula feeding mums that they will not want to discuss the subject of how your efforts were superior and that we have concluded after going through the mill that we just don't care how well others breast feeding is going.
We did all the same research as you, put int he same effort but it just didn't work.
Hence the dismissive comments you might be getting.

Sorry not sure anyone mentioned formula feeding or breastfeeding research? I said I was lucky that everything went smoothly for me but I’m struggling with my body image…. I have such respect for formula mums as I feel it has a huge level of organisation required xx

OP posts:

vincettenoir · 28/04/2025 10:23

Strangeworldtoday · 28/04/2025 09:22

As someone who couldn't breastfeed, I would have been upset by someone evangelising breast feeding and saying that it was their research and effort that enabled them to be able to do it. Don't think that formula feeding mums took the easy way out, many of us would have spent day and night trying and failing and crying and being told to keep trying and being judged when it doesn't work, so expect that if you bring up the subject with formula feeding mums that they will not want to discuss the subject of how your efforts were superior and that we have concluded after going through the mill that we just don't care how well others breast feeding is going.
We did all the same research as you, put int he same effort but it just didn't work.
Hence the dismissive comments you might be getting.

OP didn’t say anything like that. In fact they said they were grateful that their baby latched easily. There’s no bf mums attacking ff mums on this thread. Only the other way around.

123EndOfRope67 · 28/04/2025 13:22

Strangeworldtoday · 28/04/2025 09:22

As someone who couldn't breastfeed, I would have been upset by someone evangelising breast feeding and saying that it was their research and effort that enabled them to be able to do it. Don't think that formula feeding mums took the easy way out, many of us would have spent day and night trying and failing and crying and being told to keep trying and being judged when it doesn't work, so expect that if you bring up the subject with formula feeding mums that they will not want to discuss the subject of how your efforts were superior and that we have concluded after going through the mill that we just don't care how well others breast feeding is going.
We did all the same research as you, put int he same effort but it just didn't work.
Hence the dismissive comments you might be getting.

@Strangeworldtoday literally no one on this thread has said anything of the kind. Breastfeeding and formula each have their own challenges. This thread is about breastfeeding so you may want to leave this thread if the topic of breastfeeding upsets you.