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Infant feeding

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I hate my husband post partum

6 replies

An89 · 12/04/2025 13:41

My husband and I have always has super highs and super lows. He has his own family issues to work through but refuses we have generally had an ok marriage, the lows dont last long I guess just like any other marriage
We gave birth to a beautiful baby after years of trying - we were unable to conceive naturally.
Through the course of IVF I built up a lot of resentment, I wanted to move closer to my support system. Rightfully or wrongfully I thought he owed me. This resulted in arguments until 38 weeks pregnant it came to ahead and we were screaming in each other's faces, I asked him to leave the house because I was so upset and knew it wasn't good for baby...he didnt and we continued arguing.
Post baby we had one amazing day in the recovery room and then after that was horrible. We never ended up moving, we got into a huge argument and he punched a wall and scared both me and baby - i probably provoked him a lot.
His family wss always over, he wanted the baby downstairs, he was rude to my support network because he didn't want them there, so much so they left. I didnt have a chance to bond with baby or bf because he wanted baby with him and his family. He was a total dick tbh.
The issue is I hate him, I hate him for the way he treated me during ivf, I hate him for the way he treated me during my pp period and I hate the way he is now. He is stubborn but also extra sensitive- he can never be wrong. I tell him not to do something with baby and he get all upset snd insists his way is right ...which makes me hate him even more. I also hate we are surrounded by his family and he couldn't bring me my support my network.
I want to leave him but my baby loves him so much and he loves my baby and is so so good with baby. It's not fair to baby?
I told him to look into therapy but he hasn't. I am just so fragile and i feel i am this way becauee of him and I hate him so much, not a day goes by where I dont hate him and I dont know what to do

OP posts:
H7529 · 12/04/2025 13:53

Sorry that you’re in this situation…as difficult as it is when there’s a baby involved, I think you need to ask yourself if there’s still a way forward. Judging by the strong words you use, it may be the end of the road. In some situations a separation with a good, civilised and ideally amicable co-patenting relationship can be the better option for the child as well.

DustyLee123 · 12/04/2025 13:54

Go and move to your support network, now is the time to do it while baby is young.

annoyedandbored · 12/04/2025 13:58

How old is the baby now? And how far away is your support system- you might run into problems just trying to move now with the baby as he can take you to court to prevent baby moving

ThejoyofNC · 12/04/2025 14:01

I'm going to be honest, this sounds toxic from both sides and is not the type of environment to be raising a baby in.

ginasevern · 12/04/2025 14:01

Why did you carry on with the ivf treatment if he was behaving like this?

Superscientist · 12/04/2025 20:09

Go spend some time with your support network and think everything through
Some red flags here that he's been prioritising his families time with the baby and not yours and your support network
It sounds like a toxic potentially abusive relationship currently and I think the question you have to ask your self is whether you will be better parents to your baby together or apart?
My sister was in an abusive relationship and in the relationship neither could fulfill their true parenting potential, her husband especially. He has been a much better father since they separated. Its been over 10 years and they have found a nice balance with co-parenting together... Most of the time at least

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