Stopping EBF because of relationship?

[DepressingMumLife234]

My baby is 7.5 months old and EBF. I had to go back to work 3 weeks ago and pumping is taking its toll. Breastfeeding itself is going wonderfully and baby is thriving and I will be absolutely heartbroken. I have a demanding job and a useless DH and the hours of pumping are too much. I can't get my work done. I can't focus on work at all as I keep having to stop and pump. So I have to work extra hours after baby goes to sleep. My DH is useless, he doesn't understand what I'm going through and doesn't do anything extra for baby/around the house to free up some time for me.

Stopping breastfeeding seems to be the only answer. If I had a helpful DH, it would be different. But he's not. So that's my life right now.

Baby has CMPA so formula won't be straightforward.

I don't live in the UK, I didn't have any more maternity entitlement, so I didn'thave a choice in going back (we technically only get 12 weeks but my employer offers longer).

Get dh to pay a housekeeper.
Or swap him for a housekeeper as he seems to be pointless

Do you have the most efficient pumping system?
Is there not a system (electric) that you can buy that can be used while you work?

At 7.5 months it should be possible to combination feed - solids, bottle and breast only when you are available (no pumping). I don't think you need to stop at all.

I have the Spectra and the Elvie. I'm quite senior, I'm constantly in meetings and required to read through pretty complicated stuff. With pumping, I have to stop absolutely everything every 2.5 hours, pump for 25 minutes then wash and dry everything. I can send a few emails but I can't be on important calls or get into anything complicated. Plus I spend half an hour each evening sterilising everything. Then pack everything for the morning. It's just extremely disruptive.

That sounds incredibly hard and not conducive to milk production either. Baby must be trying solid foods by now so the BF is a part of how they eat, but also a bonding comfort thing. There are suitable formulas for CMPA during the day.
I do wonder if you and the baby would benefit from.a happier less stressed Mummy who fed and cuddled morning and night but wasn't pulled in all directions by pumping and trying to be present at work?
It's a very emotional thing, I know.

Pumping is incredibly hard work.

can you do bottles of formula in the day but still breast feed each morning and evening? Your body will easily adapt to producing milk on that schedule and it should make things much easier.

you’ve do a great job on ebf so far but baby is big enough now to take a regular bottle sometimes.

My DC had cmpa, I pumped once a day (6am) but bf at other times. If I couldn't bf, I used a special formula. Are you still feeding at night and are you working full time? It sounds like you have a great milk supply, so you might be able to reduce the amount of pumping without stopping bf.

The problem is the CMPA. We tried some of the prescription formula and baby hated. The paedetrician recommended adding Nesquik to it and then slowly tapering that off because allergy formula does indeed taste foul (it did smell horrible too). When I heard that, I was sort of horrified at the idea of giving Nesquik to a small baby so I said I'll continue EBF. Might need to revisit it.

Can you encourage baby to reverse cycle? (Feed more from you overnight) So baby would only be taking milk directly from you, probably least disruptive if you're bed sharing/cosleeping but feeds in evening/early morning if you've got a good sleeper would make up the bulk. Baby is offered water & solids in the day time.

Obviously this would have to be a gradual process for the sake of baby and your boobs!

My baby barely drank formula during the day when I went back to work. He ate food and reverse cycled so fed while I coslept at night. I wouldn’t remember how many times he fed. Could he 4-5 times.We took the side off his cot and he just came into the bed and I slept and then pushed him back if he was keeping me awake but usually he fed, I slept.

@Arglefraster what? So wake up every 2 hours to feed the baby and work a 50 hour week on top?

Why do you have to pump so frequently? Are you not getting very much?

When I was pumping I did not have not wash and dry my pump parts every single time once dd got to 6 weeks. My lactation consultant just had me refrigerate them and then sterilize a couple of times a day and eventually once a day. That saved a huge amount of work and time.

of course my husband wasn’t useless and he did all the washing and sterilizing. In 3 years of breastfeeding the only time I had to clean pump parts was when he had to travel for work.

with cmpa I would really look for something else to let go, some other way to save on labor. Honestly, I’d probably also scream at the man for not acting like a father and doing everything needed to support you and this his child.

Will baby feed as you cosleep? Mine would help themselves by this age and I don’t really wake up.
I used vanilla essence in the formula and gave it from a sippy cup. Still only took a couple of cupfuls a day though.

I never got on with pumping. Get baby drinking water from a sippy cup during the day, and feed morning/evening/overnight as you need to. I did this with my three.

@Silsatrip 3x in an 8/9 hour work day is what is recommended. I breastfeed when I'm home. I know women who exclusively pump can train themselves to only pump 3 times in 24 hours but that's usually done in the early days and it's not compatible with feeding responsively on days I'm at home.

I was back working full time from 4 months and was pumping and trying to do the same kind of hours you’re doing. My supply dropped considerably and I switched to formula for my own sanity.

If you can find one your baby can tolerate Id definitely try and do that. It’ll save you the hassle, and you can continue morning/evening feeds. I definitely wouldn’t be pumping during the night. I feel for you, I nursed for 9 months with both babies and as although I pumped with my second baby, I switched to formula much sooner (once my ridiculous amount of frozen milk ran out). Couldn’t face pumping at work any longer!

Do you have enough spare cash that you could pay for someone to come in every day (or every other day) for a few hours to clean and sterilise the pump parts, cook a meal for you and something suitable for the baby, and do anything else that your husband should do but isn’t (laundry, change bedding, quick tidy, clean, unload dishwasher, sort through outgrown baby clothes etc)?

Stoping breastfeeding can cause you to feel weepy and sad as the hormones adjust, so may not be a short term fix in terms of feeling better. And it sounds like you don’t really want to, anyway.

I know this isn’t about your DH, but I’m really cross on your behalf. You shouldn’t have to buy in help, but maybe it’s the only solution.

It was just a suggestion if you don't want to wean.
Some BF babies do this naturally because they won't take a bottle. If you can feed while cosleeping baby it isn't as disruptive to sleep as you'd think.

Best of luck

Is that recommended long term or just when establishing supply?

I had a 10 hour work day and only ever pumped once, at lunch time. What I pumped then was was given in a bottle the next day. Bf as normal while at home.

I made sure all the solids were taken within work hours, so all the bf was out of work hours if that makes sense! So bf at 8am, dc would get breakfast 10am, bottle of ebm 1pm plus lunch, dinner at 5pm. The bf at 6.30pm when I got home.

I used to say my boobs knew the days of the week, there was never an issue with supply when I was at home all day.

My issues were more with oversupply though. If supply is an issue, then more frequent pumping may be required.

When trying to pump a supply of milk for the freezer, I did the put the pump in a lunchbox in the fridge trick too, and only washed it once a day then.

Hope you feel better soon, mastitis is rough

@Silsatrip how old was your baby? If he was on 3 meals a day, he must have been older than 7 months? Mine can't go more than 2.5 hours without milk. He's on 2 meals a day but hasn't dropped the milk yet and only reliably eats dinner, he rejects most of the breakfast.

I actually started with pumping 4x in a working day and moved down to 3 and got mastitis LOL.

Why do you tolerate such a useless husband?

If you want to explore formula then I would go back and ask for a different formula, there are a few different ones. My youngest has CMPA, we were prescribed nutramigen (sp?) First and he absolutely hated it, refused all bottles and would rather go hungry (was before weaning) i only tried a day then asked for something else, was prescribed neocate next and he took to that fine!

Have you tried a Haakaa or similar when you’re feeding? It might help build up your stash and let you pump a bit less.

FWIW I bf for years incl thru CMPA. I didn’t pump at work after the first few weeks. So you and your supply may be ok.