Breast feeding issues - time to stop?

[Kirby20]

Hi all,

not sure what I am hoping to get out of this, but I don’t have the biggest mum network, so any advice is appreciated.

some back story;

• DS was born in December two weeks late with some small complications, due to this was bottle fed as top up in ICU alongside his colostrum for the week he was admitted
• Once home we continued the same Trend, bottle top up with breastfeeding to help him gain weight whilst fighting infection.
• this continued as he seemed unsatisfied with breast only, and down the line would cry being put on the breast (not every time just occasionally)
• two months later he was check for tongue tie, which he has slightly but not enough for us to do anything. However he has a misaligned jaw which is likely the reason he dislikes breastfeeding and finds it difficult.
• since Birth I have pumped to try and keep up supply but his difficulty latching and feeding efficiently has likely affected my milk supply.
• lactation consultation ended with keep trying and hopefully as he grows his jaw will improve, and take domperidone to help him along the way as well as my milk supply.

Leading us here, 4 months later.

I am still taking domperidone but haven’t seen drastic improvements and still cannot pump enough to sustain him, formula is needed.
DS is still frustrated at breast only occasion, during the night he will take the breast but doesn’t seem to get enough.

my partner will often bottle feed him in the night whilst I pump, or during the day I bottle feed him and then pump around his naps. It’s hard as you can imagine and many family members have said to stop pumping and just stick to formula.

that’s easier said than done, I seem to be struggling to let go and feel like I am failing him if I don’t persevere, despite knowing it may never get better. I feel selfish stopping just to have an ‘easier’ life when I know any breast milk I can give him is great for him.

has anyone experienced anything like this?

Thanks in advance!

It’s not about an easier life, it’s about you both being settled, bonding, and you enjoying being a mum. Bottle feeding is not a cop out, and in about 2 months you’ll be weaning anyway.

Call the breastfeeding network, they are experts in this and are open 24/7

I've been where you are. Baby did improve his feeding technique at this age - before that he wasn't opening his mouth properly; I found breastfeeding directly first then a small top up of formula at most feeds did keep the breastfeeding going. And breastfeeding at night as often as required, no top ups. Prolactin levels are higher at night
Pumping is actually very stressful and no reflection of the milk you have.
Don't be afraid to mix breastfeeding with formula top ups. But pumping is not very everyone. There's nothing like actually breastfeeding to stimulate your supply! Have you looked up babymoons? A breastfeeding advisor might really help here, as babies get older lots of advice given earlier needs tweaking.

If this doesn't appeal, your baby will be absolutely fine if you switch to formula fully and probably benefit enormously from your reduced stress levels and closeness to you when you are feeding him, rather than pumping in background

I see now that babymoons means something different! When I had my eldest a babymoon meant going to bed with your baby and just breastfeeding and resting, no routine, no housework, definitely no pumping. It boosted my supply a lot.

I stopped trying to breastfeed around this point, as I felt it was stopping us getting out and about as much as I would have liked, which also worried me for his development. I kind of figured it was never going to magically kick in by that point. Still makes me sad nearly 3 years later, but I think trying in vain for another couple of months or whatever wouldn’t have made me any less sad.

It’s horrible having all of the ‘breast is best’ propaganda going around when you’re at your wits end trying to give them that, and also the ‘don’t see why you bothered, formula is easier’ people smugly watching you fail at the same time.

I wish I had advice but I guess you just need to try and do what you are least uncomfortable with with. It’s unfair and you’re not allowed to think that. But it is. ☹️

I had a lot of difficulty breastfeeding my premature baby, he couldn't latch properly partly because of muscle development in his jaw. I did breast compressions at every feed for months until his muscles improved, and his latch was never perfect but seemed to get the job done.

One of the lactation consultants I spoke with (and I'm paraphrasing) said that the women who regretted stopping breastfeeding were the ones who felt outside forces stopped them. That resonated with me, because I did feel I wanted to continue despite the struggles. Someone I was friends with on NICU stopped trying and that was definitely the right the decision for her, she was much happier after. So I do think it needs to be a choice you make.

OP great job! Breastfeeding is tough and you have done so well. But so so so worth it.

I would say everyone will give their own experience or advice but really you should do what you want to do.

Don't let anyone pressure you to stop if that doesn’t make you happy and topping up is perfectly fine too.

Also, if you feel you can’t continue because YOU can’t then that’s fine too.

Be aware stopping is a process as your boobs can get engorged and uncomfortable so cutting down to gradual stop can be best. You may want to consider this around your timings.

Good luck!

Fed is best. You have really tried, please give yourself credit. You’ll get a bunch of people here saying breastfeed or you’ve failed so take everything with a pinch of salt. My NICU premie never breastfed easily or right. It felt like trying to feed a dying cat. Do what’s right for you, whatever that is.

I would give one of the BFing Helplines a call. The BFCs aren’t just there fir emergencies, they can talk you through how you’re feeling and support you with stopping, if that’s what you decide to do