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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

How do I stop dd wanting bf at bedtime?!?

12 replies

egypt · 07/05/2008 14:10

Been done a million times I am sure, but dd2 is 13 months and I would really like to drop the bf now.

She takes a bottle of milk fine in the morning/daytime but as soon as it's bedtime totally refuses. She pushes it away and squirms to try and bf. I give her the milk in the lounge like at other times of the day but she just knows it's bedtime and won't drink it. I don't even know if she wants milk full stop at that time of the day. But she will take a bf. I have tried the tough approach and said well ok, if you don't want it night night anyway, but she screams and screams. For ages. I go in and try the milk again, but pushes it away just the same. So I bf her.

A few weeks ago we were doing really well. She would take a bedtime bottle, or if not was still going down ok without a bf. Then in the night (she wakes once still) I would just cuddle her for a minute and put her back. She started sleeping through. Then she got ill and we're facing this.

I need to stop. How?

OP posts:

CantSleepWontSleep · 07/05/2008 14:12

Why do you need to stop? If it is providing her with comfort and helping her to sleep, then wouldn't it be easier/kinder to just carry on?

Tommy · 07/05/2008 14:13

I had this trouble with DS2 and am just about to start with DS3 I'm sure....

I gave up offering him a drink of milk at bedtime and he was fine - he didn't want the milk - he just wanted the lovely Mummy snuggle

I think I thought it was the law that babies had to have milk before bed but, apparently, it isn't

Original poster

egypt · 07/05/2008 14:29

just a snuggle tommy? not a bf?

I feel the need to stop for me CSWS. maybe that's selfish. Tbh, when I hit 7 months I was feeling ready to stop (dd1 was that age). Then my benchmark was 1... I worry that the longer it goes on the harder it will be. No offence to anyone but extended bf isn't for me.

OP posts:

Original poster

egypt · 07/05/2008 14:36

I also know she was going down ok before she got ill, and i was just feeding her in the morning to ease the engorgement, with the idea of lessening that over a few weeks to nothing. I think because I went back to feeding her when she was sick has brought us back to square one.

Also going away for 4 nights when my parents are here and how on earth is she going to sleep!??! that's NOT the main reason, but a big pressure too.

OP posts:

Tommy · 07/05/2008 14:47

exactly why I'm thinking I should stop too egypt. I'm too scared to start though!

What you could do is get someone else to get her to sleep - by rocking or something - if possible. DS3 has been know to go off with DH when I am not there. You really need help I think unless you want to have lots of crying

Original poster

egypt · 07/05/2008 14:51

Thing is I'm on my own most of the time as dh works away for a week at a time. We did do the cc thing after the bottle, weeks back and she was brilliant. Not so sure why it's gone wrong and even the cc isn't doing it. I can't leave her for so long. Plus I am trying to get dd1 in bed too. It's a stressful time. Perhaps should just bf for another week and try again. really want a solution though. How old is your's tommy?

OP posts:

CantSleepWontSleep · 07/05/2008 15:02

That's ok egypt - just trying to understand your reasons in case it helps with a solution. You've done really well to keep going this long (and at 13 months are probably classed as an extended bf'er anyway ).

Have you tried not being there at bedtime at all? If so, then how does she react? I have been pleasantly surprised that despite dd insisting on a feed if she knows that I'm in the house, she is actually much more accepting and goes down fine if I'm not here - little madam!

I'm not clear whether the bedtime bf is the only one that she's having now, or whether there are more since she got ill? If there are more then I would cut those out first, to ease any engorgement, as you mention, and leaving her favourite feed until last.

I think you then need to be really firm about it for a few nights. You will probably find that after the first couple of nights it gets much easier (rather like the cc theory, if you've ever looked at that).

Does she ever use a straw to drink? Maybe you could try an open cup with a straw for her bedtime milk, and make it a special cup that she can help decorate with stickers/transfers. If she refuses it then don't make a fuss - simply give her a cuddle and put her to bed, then if she cries go back and cuddle her every few minutes, or give one big cuddle whilst she flails around objecting (basing this on my dd's behaviour) and burns herself out and gives up!

Best of luck.

Pidge · 07/05/2008 15:04

egypt - you may well find she goes to sleep absolutely fine when you're not there. My dd was very flexible - totally happy to be put to bed with a cup of milk when I was out, but definitely determined to breastfeed when I was there (which was fine by me - she dropped that feed anyway around 18 months, as she was more interested in having stories read than in feeding!!).

Hope that helps. Both my dds have naturally dropped the bedtime feed around 18 months, and then we kept up morning feeds till they were 2, and those were dropped without any trouble too - they just gradually lost interest.

I know you don't want to keep feeding, but just to reassure you that by keeping going it doesn't necessarily make the stopping any harder if you see what I mean!

Good luck

CantSleepWontSleep · 07/05/2008 15:04

Ah, we cross posted - obviously you are familiar with the cc theory!

She's not teething or sickening for something else is she? We always ended up increasing feeding when dd was. It was an 'all bets are off' time!

Original poster

egypt · 07/05/2008 15:15

aw, thank you so much for your help.

The bedtime is the only feed she is having, yes, except today! Gosh, I am so inconsistent. I actually tried to cut out her afternoon feed to see if she would take the bedtime one. She got so tetchy and pulling at my top (heartstrings) and dd1 was being so demanding, I just whipped the boob out. She didn't take a great deal but she certainly ate more dinner than she usually does. Still no bottle though (I am in Singapore btw, incase you are wondering why I am talking about tonight already!)

So, I shall drop all daytime feeds totally, that's fine. Also, SHOULD she be having a bottle in the afternoon? She generally falls asleep in the day, after lunch no problem - just put her to bed.

I'm q sure she isn't coming down with anything; she is full of beans.

I am also bf her in the night when she wakes - just once. As I said, I had managed to stop that. Tonight, I shall try just the cuddle and put back to bed.

OP posts:

Original poster

egypt · 07/05/2008 15:16

Great idea about the cup btw. She can drink through a straw so may try that one. Thank you.

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Tommy · 07/05/2008 16:13

mine is 14 months egypt.
It is so difficult isn't it? I hate that time of day - all of them demanding my attention! You sound just like me - theoretically have stopped daytime feeds but had to go to a funeral the other day and DS3 fell over and bumped his head - it was easier (and quieter!) to just give him a feed.
FWIW, I don't give him a bottle at all - just a beaker of milk at breakfast and tea time and a breastfeed last thing and usually once in the night too - I have no idea if he's getting "enough" but I do remember DS2 totally went off milk when I stopped b/feeding and it took him a year or so to be happy drinking it it aain

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