I'm thinking about just going straight to bottles ...

[Disenchanted]

I had an awful time trying to BF with both my sons, never made it past 4 days. I always thought I would try again but everytime I think about it I get down

It was an awful time and actully made it really hard for me to bond with DS1.

The thought of trying it again just scares me and makes me think that Im not going to do it so just cut out the heartache and go straight to the bottle!

Though I can't imagine not trying to latch after the birth IYKWIM, that was one of the happiest times after having my boys, but after that first feed it all went down hill

you do sound worried and upset. it sounds as though you could really benefit from talking to a bf counsellor, they are trained to counsel you about all the issues around feeding, not just to advise about the practical bf stuff.

Disenchanted, do you want to BF even though you have found it difficult previously? it isn't clear from your post - it sounds like you do but are scared after having a bad time?

Would it help to talk through with us and/or a BF counsellor, what happened last time(s)? it sounds like you had a really bad time...

I don't know Wilf,

I do want to breastfeed as I know its the best I can do for my child, but the thought of starting it up again and repeating the last 2 times just makes me shudder and want to FF. Which I know is quite selfish but I want to enjoy my baby this time.

Things don't have to go the same way each time. What went wrong last time?

this is a thread I started recently in which I was sure I wanted to try again and was asking for help in prepearing myself but since then Im not sure I want to ...

Given you've posted there, and here, I suspect deep down you would like a better BF experience? I'm not surprised you feel apprehensive about it at all given what you've gone through.

I think some of the other posters were right: you really need to find a local BF counsellor who can talk to you before the birth and support you afterwards - can you ring a helpline to see if there is someone?

You don't have to make a decision yet (when is baby due?) just talk things through...