Breastfeeding Misery 5 weeks

[Keggles36]

I want to quit breastfeeding but have so much guilt and sadness at the thought of doing it.

I've been trying for 5 weeks. It all seemed fine until day 12 when she hadn't regained birthweight. She then continued to gain but really slowly.

I've been triple feeding, and was told to introduce small formula top ups.

The midwives have discharged us, and I can't get hold of health visitors they've just said they'll see us at 6-8 weeks. I'm livid at how crap they have been.

Baby is just really sleepy at the breast, and every feed is a fight to get her to feed for longer than 5 seconds. She had tongue tie which was separated at 11 days. And everyone says her latch is fine. But even when I think she's fed well she is demanding bigger and bigger top ups. I have a good supply, able to pump 60 -120mls each time I express.

This plan is just unsustainable, but there's no one to ask for help as can't get hold of anyone. I feel so alone and so sad.

I just want to quit but feel like a complete failure. My mental health is completely shot. I'm also worried that side we introduced formula top ups she's only pooing every 3-4 days and is gassy and uncomfy.

I really don't know what to do but I'm hating this so much and just want to feel supported with a proper plan that isn't triple feeding indefinitely... Or I want to quit the breast completely.

@WhereIsMyLight i used to not understand why people would destroy their mental health over breastfeeding and not just give bottles... And now I'm doing just that 😓

Oh OP. What a pickle. You are doing an excellent job in difficult circumstances.

This week the local bf groups should start up again. I can highly recommend The LLL groups I attended. Albeit was a little
While ago.

ABM is also meant to be very good.

And depending where you are often the NCT BF groups are excellent.

For my first child it took 4 months to establish breastfeeding. Weight loss. TT. Milk drying up. I took domperidone in the end. And that plus the exhausting feed / pump routine, is what got us to 3
Months.

I started weaning off the domperidone shortly after that and it was only at 5 months that I felt confident in my ability to bf my baby.

They are a healthy slim active 12yo now!!!!

With my 2nd child I didn't need that help but they put on weight extremely slowly and I felt very judged by family and HCPs. Who I ignored for the most part. That baby is still very slim at 8yo. But also active and hilarious like the 12yo.

Good luck with the groups
I used to follow one of the LLL leaders and make sure I saw her for
Support each week.

LLL also run a great helpline. Worth contacting it as they can provide ongoing support that way.

Good luck.

I think it’s hormones. I said I wasn’t going to push breastfeeding if it wasn’t working and I did. The guilt fades with time though and by a year you won’t care.

I have been there. It's so hard.

£200!! It's around £75 ish where I am.

This will influence your practice as a MW going forward. Whatever you decide to do, you will be able to support women in a similar situation with more empathy and understand when they don't want to give up.

You are doing an amazing job, I do understand how you feel x

@Keggles36 I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow, we're all rooting for you to get proper support regardless of which feeding method you opt for.

Just to echo again what a PP mentioned, there's so many ways to nurture your baby but the best way is to nurture yourself first. Choose what will help you enjoy motherhood the most, whatever that may be.

The first few weeks of breastfeeding are challenging for sure, but if it reaches a point where it's draining your happiness every day, it's not the best option anymore.The guilt at the thought of changing feeding methods is so intense, but FF isn't the devil and your baby will thrive with you as its mom irregardless. You deserve to enjoy your early motherhood too.

And on practical advise, a lot of lactation consultants do virtual sessions if you're comfortable with it. The in person components are usually checking for tongue tie, that baby has good lateral tongue movement, that there's no clicky sound when they latch, and that the swallow is deep when they're latched on. And on my first journey the IBLC checked that there were enough milk ducts releasing milk by literally squeezing and counting how many droplets formed. 🫠 I felt like I was being milked like a cow tbh and it wasn't my finest moment in life, but helpful to know!

But there's lots they can do online as well, like advising on reducing triple feeding, combi feeding practices, positioning, supplements, etc.,

@Keggles36 sorry I missed this the other day. How are you getting on? Also - which pump are you using? I rented one of the Medela hospital grade pumps and it was the only thing that really increased supply.

if your hubbie can help with some night feeds so that you can pump that would be a huge help. It is hard waking them up as I don’t think they are as automatically switched on by the baby like mums are. But the night pumps are so hard as they used to wake me up fully & I would struggle to go back to sleep…

On Tuesday she had made good weight gain... So have been able to cut a couple of top ups and also a couple of pumping sessions...

Today we found out she needs a Pavlik Harness for hip dysplasia and I can't feed her in the one position she likes anymore. I'm so sad. It's like I persevered so hard and this is now the end as I haven't got the brain power to do this anymore with the harness as well! Can't stop crying.

Fed is best. If you need to put baby on formula for their health or yours (including your mental health), that’s ok.

of all the people you know, do you know who was breastfed and who was formula fed? No. Do you know why you don’t know this? Because it doesn’t matter.

whilst I applaud the movement to support and normalise breastfeeding, it should not be at the expense of mothers being in agony or babies being hungry.

best of luck OP, I hope you find a solution that works for you and your baby.

Thank you ❤️

Thinking of you @Keggles36. After everything you’ve been through this must be so hard to come to terms with. It’s totally normal to grieve the loss of breastfeeding. I didn’t think I was bothered with my first but when I couldn’t do it I was heartbroken. I think there is something very primal about breastfeeding and so it will take some time to adjust. I echo everything that @Beebsta said.

A few positives on bottle feeding - you can share the feeds with other people, your baby might well be more social and comfortable going to others as a result of this, you might feel less ‘touched out’ and more balanced in the long run, and there is no science behind this but from everything I’ve heard formula fed babie ‘can’ sometimes sleep better it would seem - maybe because it’s more calorie dense.

You did your absolute best. Having a newborn is so so tough. Crying daily is par for the cause. It was in my case anyway. I recommend reading a book called Matrescence by Lucy Jones - when you have any time (I tend to read on the Kindle app on my phone while baby sleeps). That book has totally changed my life and how I feel about motherhood. She talks a lot about the breastfeeding struggles too. ❤️

You’ve given it your all (and some) but sometimes it still doesn’t work. You get to be sad that it ends but this is now for your wellbeing and hers. With time, it’ll ease.

My ds was like this, sleepy and would not feed. Formula top ups made him gain weight initially, but made him very gassy and refluxy, and he wouldn't poo.

It turned out he had CMPA and reflux, so severe that by the time we had a proper diagnosis and managed to get him on medication he was very severely failing to thrive. Medication (and a dairy and beef free diet for me) made all the difference, and he went from being off the bottom of the weight charts to the 90th percentile in 6 months. He got over his CMPA by the time he was 1.

Have you considered that he might have an intolerance of some kind? It's really quite common.