Exhausted. Hopeless. Confused.

[Dfjackson]

Hoping anyone can give me some reassurance as I feel like such a sh*t mum.

You will need a stern drink by the time you finished reading this I think...

Background info - Baby is 7 months, exclusively breast fed. Refuses dummy, hoping to try expressed breast milk in a bottle or cup but that ships probably sailed?
Baby has dairy and egg intolerance so I am on a dairy free diet, I've gone from a size 14/16 to a size 8. Weaning has been terrible and very slow. Baby would just vomit EVERYTHING OFFERED. Referrals to diet ion and allergy clinics in process.
Baby basically has a little porridge in the morning with breast milk and maybe a little rusk or some banana in those chewy dummy looking things.

My issues -
We feed to sleep...does it ever get better? I hate baby crying will she naturally stop needing this or do I really need to tackle this head on?
Still contact napping - I am hoping to feed her to sleep then try and start putting her into her crib (she usually wakes after seconds so I'm setting myself up for a very sh*t long overtired week of trying to break the contact naps)

Breast feeding is happening ALL DAY AND NIGHT. I'm exhausted. Baby snacks all day never really taking a full feed as she then feeds at least 3-4 times at night usually full feeds so she's either really hungry because she is not weaning or is this just habit and she has got used to the calories at night instead of the day?

I feel terrible eating in front of my baby, she is so intrigued by food now and clearly wants to be involved, but now it's traumatised me her vomitting literally everything. Has anyone else unsuccessfully weaned by this point because I feel like I'm depriving my baby :(

I am exhausted from the night wake ups.
The weight loss and muscle loss is terrible I do not recognise myself i feel so low but then at the same time I almost couldn't even care how I look.

To sum this post up and ask an actual question....Am I failing completely at being a mum ? Do things get better ever? Has anyone else not weaned there baby at 7 months? Is anyone else still feeding there baby so much all night long? Anyone still contact napping feeling depressed in a dark room?

I feel like I'm failing at this parent life.

You are not failing at all, you are both going through a really tough time. You have done amazingly well to get as far as you have with breastfeeding and dietary adjustments.
Sounds like you need to get some outside support for both of you - possibly approach NCT, some HV are good but few from what I generally hear) or GP practice. A nutritionist or dietician might be able to help you both. Your health is clearly suffering, and you need to get yourself in a better place to support your DC.
Good luck

You poor thing. Why have you lost so much weight - are you eating enough?

Lots of babies don’t wean until a bit older. My daughter was closer to ten months before she started eating much in the way of solids. This is fine as long as they are getting enough milk and continue gaining weight.

When you say your baby always vomits, does she vomit/ spit the food out immediately, or is it a bit later on?

does the porridge and banana stay down?

are you offering her purées of fruit and veg?

You are not a shit mum.

Thank you both for your replies

Baby is literally huge! She just loves breast milk I think. Snacks all day especially feeding to sleep for naps she's getting extra calories in, then wants it all night long too!

We have been to the GP and are awaiting to speak with the dietitian and some other referrals for her vomiting so hoping to get some support there regarding the weaning side of things - I'm glad to hear your baby is was 10 months before they were actually eating properly. I thought we were so so far behind. I see all these videos of mums feeding there babies 3 quite big meals plus snacks and milk at 6 months and I'm sat thinking Im getting something so wrong here as baby just throws it up!

we would purée veg or fruit and say 10 mins into feeding or sometimes up to an hour later she will vomit the lot up! The dr seems to think as we didn't know about the egg intolerance at the time that her lil tum was just really irritated so anything other than milk was too much for her. Which appears correct so far as now we're egg free too she's keeping down the porridge and banana so I'm just taking it really really slow and keeping a food diary.
The whole weaning just makes me feel like I'm depriving her even though she's huge and clearly is getting enough with milk.

I think I'm just exhausted with all the night feedings still, you know you get to a point when everything just feels like it's wrong and your doing such a shit job :(

Im unsure on my weight loss, I'm assuming cutting out diary has had a huge impact maybe? Probably a lot of stress as well but there's just nothing left of me! I'm assuming muscle loss as I've literally been sat down for every single nap for 7 months!! :/

Food before one is just for fun. Don’t worry about the calorie intake - babies at that age are supposed to get most of their nutrition from milk and weaning is about introducing new flavours, textures etc.

DD didn’t have allergies (that we knew of) but still had reflux a lot and spat a lot of food back up. Memorably, once on the top of my head. At 7 months, she was still feeding to sleep, feeding multiple times during the night and napped on me. I eventually night weaned her in desperation when I went back to work at 10 months - worked like a charm and I wished I’d done it earlier. You aren’t the only one! You’re not doing anything wrong, and weaning is bloody stressful.

My son was mixed fed for maybe 6 weeks - 8 weeks. Exclusively breast fed until about 5 months, then introduced solids again. At about 10 months LO started biting and I gave up BF and moved to lidded cups of cows milk and water, along with solids. Baby sounds like she's getting plenty. Could you try expressing and then feeding from a cup? You are doing well, and it's hard going, but you'll get there.

You're doing a brilliant job in very difficult circumstances. It's lucky that you're breastfeeding because it sounds like formula would have been tricky for her.

I had similar to you and also lost a lot of weight. Have you been to the GP for you? Have you had your thyroid checked? Pregnancy can send it out of whack. I imagine they'd also also want to run a few other blood tests.

If a medical cause is ruled out then you need to eat more. I had to add extra virgin olive oil to my food, sprinkle seeds on top, eat handfuls of nuts, lots of avocado etc to keep weight on.

Have you tried avoiding soya in what you give her? It's in a suprising amount of things like a lot of bread and it can be a problem to babies with dairy allergies.

Don't worry that she's not eating much yet. Some babies take longer than others. Many don't eat much before a year. It sounds in your case like there are underlying medical issues which need resolving, it's not just that she's too full of milk to eat.

And don't worry about the feeding to sleep. There's a whole industry which revolves around telling you that there's a problem with your baby's sleep, but what you describe is completely biologically normal.

Is there a breastfeeding support group you could go to for.solidarity?

Can you create a safe shared sleep.surface following the Safe Sleep Seven and nap next to her? The La Leche book Sweet Sleep has excellent advice on this.

Can I ask if your baby was born premature? There's an emerging consensus in the gastro field that weaning age should be predicted birth date + 6 months because the gut takes time to develop. So if baby was born 2 months premature then she weans at 8 months and so on.

I never expected such reassurance 🥲 thank you all your replies have made me feel less of a shit mum! I'm really trying my best.

i will get a drs appointment booked for a health check on myself for the weight loss to rule out anything serious, in the meantime try eat some good fats as you've suggested.

I was getting so worried about the feeding to sleep as her night wakes are so often I felt like she wasn't connecting sleep cycles and needed me as a soother when she wakes but she genuinely feeds. I'd love for her to get some more solid blocks of sleep more so for her than me 😣 I co sleep when I go to my mums as she's a huge bed that sort of pulls out bigger than a king size so more comfortable with her between me and my partner but if I'm honest it doesn't stop the night wakes, the feed to sleep is slightly easier when we co sleep but the majority of the time I need to hold her upright after a feed anyway with the reflux and lots of extra gas. So I think I'll keep trying the crib for now until I probably give up with exhaustion and need the extra 10 minutes of sleep whilst she feeds. Like you said even for naps would help so I could sleep in the day that would give me a boost of energy, in the day she just wakes the minute she touches anything but me! The world is lava except mums chest!!!! I will really try feeding in the bed lay down and pray naps can be done that way x

i will look into soya, when I first started the dairy journey the dietitian said not to avoid soya but I'll give it a go if it helps baby! There's probably a lot of soya in my diet at the moment too when I think about it

i have started expressing again as everything I expressed is when I had diary in my diet so will need donating to the milk bank. So I'm hoping once I'm a few days in front I can introduce cup. Would everyone avoid bottles now?

Really interesting new research about the weaning for prem babies. She was born at 36+5 so a little early. We started weaning ar aeoubd 5 and a half months as she was showing all the readiness signs but maybe just too soon for her little gut. Hopefully all the referrals will come back in and we can be certain there's nothing more going on as I'm so worried 😔

Would you all say night weaning is a bad idea considering she isn't eating solids? I don't want her to start losing weight. Or will she just start to feed more/longer in the day perhaps if she needs it?
How did you successfully night wean may I ask?

You have all truly made me feel so much better about everything I genuinely cannot thank you enough for taking time to reply.
I will make a start on going to groups I think as it does become a lonely place especially when things aren't going as smoothly.
We stayed at my parents for around a week for Christmas and new year so I had so much support around me, once we got home it hit like a tonne of bricks, the loneliness and stress of it all. I'll give myself a few days to get back into the swing of normal life and try for some self care where I can for my own mental health and then crack on with some tweaks to our routines

You are all amazing and I wish every one of you a healthy 2025 filled with love and happiness x

I only have a 4 month old baby with CMPA, also exclusively breastfed, but just wanted to say our doctor also advised us not to cut out eggs and soy, just dairy. However, baby was definitely reacting and it only got better once I cut soy. He can tolerate the odd egg in my milk but the smallest bit of soy makes him vomit for a week.

I don't know why doctors are so adamant you don't need to give up soy when so many babies react to it.

Avoid rusks , they are sugary and not great nutrition-wise. If you want to introduce other flavours, add a small amount to cereal they do tolerate and gradually increase the ratio of food to cereal. Try not to make the purees too watery (potato or sweet potato can be denser for example so a more solid base) and sit her upright after feeding. Let her suck on some foods which will pulp, such as banana or very soft veg. Is there a weaning course available for parents locally, ask your hv perhaps.

This sounds like a nightmare and I think you are tough and strong for coping and being on here asking for advice!

I am sorry that I have no practical advice as my DC was rather straightforward at this age (boy did she make up for it later though...) but just wanted to say you can think of yourself as a tough cookie and in no way are you failing.

I night weaned by slow withdrawal - I put her down in her crib, said night night and went out. Set a timer for 2 mins. She cried and stood up in the cot. I went back in, laid her back down, patted her and said night night again. Didn’t pick her up. Set timer for 4 mins. Went back in, patted, night night. Set next timer for 6 mins, but I didn’t need it - she fell asleep and slept right through until 5am! It was like witchcraft. It was the longest sleep she’d ever had. So she did cry but only for a total of 7 minutes. She was 10 months old and I was about to go back to work and until then she’d been up (and I’d been feeding her) 4-5 times a night every night. It did the trick - the next night she hardly cried at all and then I could put her down and go out and she would go to sleep.

I did try it on DS when he was 7-8 months and it did work but not quite as well. However, different babies and different approaches - with DD I was scared of co-sleeping, so I would put her back in the Moses basket every time (and she behaved like the basket was lava), but when DS came along I let him co-sleep and we had a much more peaceful first 6 months! However he did sleep in longer chunks than DD ever did so it didn’t matter as much.

When bedsharing the baby goes on just your side of the bed, not between parents, not until they’re much much older. Get a bed rail and pop baby in on your side of the bed, so you in the middle and following safe sleep guidelines and you’ll both probably get some much better sleep.

My babies didn’t night wean until much older, all 3 didn’t really establish on meals until over 12 months, just snacking and trying different foods until then, it’s totally normal. Your breastmilk is to be her main food until 12 months, it contains all she needs, you’re doing an amazing job. Especially with the allergy issues you’re dealing with 👏

I think it improved her appetite in the day - she certainly didn’t lose weight. She started nursery when I went back to work as well so was given food there, and she had formula at nursery and breast milk at home - my supply regulated. I did try expressing to give to the nursery but after spending ages expressing the lid wasn’t on the bottle properly and it leaked all over her nursery bag on her clean clothes and I gave up. It felt a bit silly fussing about the virgin gut when she was putting literally anything she could find on the floor in her mouth.

Personally I wouldn't night wean yet given that there are unidentified issues making it difficult for her to have solids. I know a lot of advice says cut down milk and they'll eat more, but there's really no rush to get them on to solids, and it sounds like she'll likely vomit them back up anyway. You're obviously doing a fabulous job nourishing her so don't let all the advice online (which ultimately comes from so called experts who make their money from telling people how to solve "problems" with their babies) undermine that.

I think for now you need to focus on doing what you can to get through, cosleeping naps, going to visit family regularly if they're the sort to take care of you etc. Would finances allow a mother's help to do a few hours here and there?

I would cut out soy from both your diets for a month and see if that helps whilst you're waiting for more professional input.

Honestly you sound like a brilliant mum, not a shit one. Your baby is lucky to have you.

Hi OP just wondered how it’s all going for you 6 months on?

That’s so kind of you to check in!

Things are better definitely :)
I have just learnt to embrace the chaos somehow! Things could always be worse so trying not to stress to much about things and see the positives. I really feel in a much better place x

Baby has outgrown the CMPA thankfully so that has really helped things, still has egg intolerance but no as hard to deal with thankfully.

My LO has a feed to sleep association so still up through the night. What is confusing is one minute she will sleep 9 hours? Then for the next few days up every 2 hours then another 6-7 hours straight again. Very confusing x

thanks so much for checking in that’s very kind of you x

Aw so glad it’s going better for you!!
good luck x