Given up on BF :(

[butterfly245]

DS (2 weeks old) has tongue tie which isn’t going to get looked at for another week. I wanted to breastfeed but he really can’t latch on. Nipple shields help, but getting the position right is also tricky and really he’s just sucking like he would a dummy and not getting an awful lot out. I’ve been able to express a bit but he’s mostly bottle fed.

I wanted to keep trying him on the breast and pumping for another week until we get tongue tie sorted, but I really don’t have the energy anymore, I also have a toddler at home so it’s difficult feeling like a good parent when I’m stuck on a pump eight times a day.

I’ve been torn for a while between keeping it going for another week and just switching to bottle fed only, but today decided the best thing for him is formula as that’s what he’s mostly getting already. I just feel so let down I couldn’t keep it up 😥I’m also worried I’ll think “what if” if the problem does turn out to be the tongue tie.

Could you reduce/stop pumping if that’s the main challenge at the moment but continue to offer the breast and let him feed direct when he wants? If you have been pumping 8 times a day then your body will be used to producing that level of milk which your baby can get directly from you instead (even if you think it will be smaller amounts because of current issues extracting the milk). I assume it will also feel uncomfortable if you go from that to no feeding altogether (from my knowledge should be gradual reduction to avoid pain/issues with your breasts) If you think the baby’s suck is weak/latch is poor you could try to help massage to get the milk out (sure lots of advice online on how to).

The fact that you’ve been pumping 8 times a day with a newborn and toddler is impressive - I’m not sure how you’ve found the time! Triple feeding can feel completely overwhelming. I assume you’ve also done the usual advice regarding local breastfeeding groups, national breastfeeding helpline and asking midwife/HV about the infant feeding team.

From the information in your post, you have nothing to loose at this stage by continuing to offer the breast and trying different positions to latch, different times (before or after bottle, when more sleepy/when more awake). If it doesn’t work out, well you had decided that he can move fully to formula, if he does feed from you sometimes then you could continue to combination feed if it’s something you want (even if it ends up being majority bottle, majority breast or any combination that you’re happy with). As the baby gets older, their mouth will be bigger, feeding pain should reduce and feeds are quicker so all should get easier anyway (with of course the various ups and downs you face along the way!) so by continuing to offer the breast it can just keep the door open to continuing to breastfeed in the future.

Sometimes one of the hardest things with breastfeeding, especially when you’re in the thick of all the challenges around it, is the pressure you put on yourself. Today you’ve removed that pressure so cuddle your gorgeous DS, remind yourself that you are a good parent, and see how things go, one day at a time.

Thanks for your message, pumping hasn’t been producing that much, a few syringes if anything. I’ve also not always been able to reach the goal of 8 times a day, which was the advice of the infant feeding team if I wanted to keep it up.

We’ve tried different breastfeeding positions and the best one seems to be the rugby hold one with about four cushions propping me up, so it doesn’t seem practical and something I can do when out of the house. Just wish we could get the tongue tie sorted quicker so I could know for sure if that’s the problem

@butterfly245 my DD had bad tongue tie when born - I was also told to pump/ bf/ top up with formula.

Absolute nightmare! I stopped pumping - nothing was coming out (by the way some people just can't pump well - it can't mimic a baby exactly and some bodies are more reluctant than others!) and I found it mentally exhausting.

If you keep him on the boob frequently you'll keep producing some milk, which the quantity of which can be sorted after tongue tie 🥰 are you going with a private lactation consultant? They're quicker than the NHS - if you want to continue BF you can do, just remove the pressure of pumping, top up with formula after every breastfeed and focus on getting back to EBF (IF that's what you want) when his TT is sorted xx

If you want to stop just stop op no point driving yourself crazy at all well done for trying this long it sounds like it’s been really rough!

if you actually don’t want to stop but feel like you have no choice then a few things I’d suggest are to stop worrying about 8 times a day. Just do what you can, 8 is just a goal not a requirement or ‘failure’ if you don’t meet it. It’s the same as feeding every 3 hours, but if he’s feeding at all you’re hitting some of that goal that way too.
you have a two week old don’t be worrying about going out, hope you’ll feel out and about or your toddler too much. You’re already doing so much!! Just take each day and get through that day. Or that hour even. Can other people help you too?
Give yourself some grace, your toddler will be ok with reduced attention just for a few weeks whilst you get sorted.
try skin to skin, try keeping the baby on the boob and you could try wearable battery pumps too though obviously that is expensive. Look for ways to interact with toddler whilst baby is on the boob, can you play card games or have toddler draw pictures for you or snuggle and watch their fave tv (now is the time not to worry about screen time!). The more time baby is on the boob the better. Even if you do formula right after, they’ll be stimulating production and likely getting a little bit at least
it’s so hard in the early days, well done

I wouldn’t worry long term about the feeding position as their/your preferred position will likely change over time, even if it currently feels like that’s the only way you’ll ever be able to feed them. You could also use a breastfeeding pillow to support you in the interim while it’s awkward (may be easier than fiddling with multiple cushions and some people think it makes a big difference). When you’re out the baby can have formula if your current breastfeeding position is not viable outside.

As previous posters, these are just ideas IF you want to keep the door open to breastfeeding in some capacity. You can then decide exactly what capacity that is in the future. You can feel forced to stop if things are not going how you imagined, or you’re not EBF, or on some gruelling pumping schedule and you feel like your supply will diminish if you stop it. These first weeks are so difficult and going from one feed to the next can feel like such a battle.

I assume the bottle feeding side of things is under control and wet/dirty nappies and weight gain are ok so hopefully that should also remove some of the pressure. Even if it feels like an inconvenient position, you’ve also found a breastfeeding position which you think currently is working better than the others. That’s also a step forward. Focus on any small wins and take things as they come. However much it doesn’t feel like it currently, things will be very different in one week, one months, six months. You don’t have to make any permanent decisions at this stage if you do not want to. Thinking of you and hope today is a better day for you OP.