Weaning toddler off breastfeeding whilst keep feeding baby

[FaeTheGreenWitch]

Hello there,

I wonder if there is any mums that could share a bit of experience or tricks.

I'm currently tandem breastfeeding my 2y11m old and 1y6m old. I want to wean the older one off but keep feeding his younger brother.

Currently I have set healthy bounderies with my older one, where he only gets breastfed after he eats a meal (before his nursing was on demand). And he has a boobie before bed and if he wakes up. I want to wean him off during daytime fully a once that is established to start weaning him off the night feed too.
I'm jist worried that my older one is going to become resentful of his brother because of it so I do want to know how to go well about it.

Many thanks in advance :)

Personally I'd do it the other way around. It's much easier to night wean if they are still having daytime feeds. Then gradually drop those.

Have you read the Dr Jay Gordon method?

Hello! Thank you for your message. That's interesting that you found the night feeds easier to wean off. I may have to try that! Would be nice not to wake up so much during the night. No, I haven't read about his method but I definitely will now! :) x

It wasn't that the night feeds were easier to wean off, just that night weaning seems so much easier if they are still having milk in the day? With my first I dropped the day feeds first but then though about it with my second and dropped the night feeds first then the day feeds. I could just be coincidence but it was easier dropping the night feeds first and getting them used to having their calories in the day

I've done this twice and whichever feeds you choose to drop first the main thing to prevent resentment is making sure the older child gets enough attention and care during the transition. Maybe make time for extra stories/whatever time they most enjoy.

If you drop day feeds first they may want to bf more overnight (when I found it harder to say no because I just wanted to sleep).

Yeah I absolutely get that. It's just so easy to flop it out and keep sleeping isn't 😑😅
We have drop one of the main feeds yesterday and made cookies together instead and had lots of fun. I have been keeping them both busy, went outside and as silly as it sounds, trying to not to sit down as much as that is a trigger for feeding session. 😅 I will see how we get on during the day and then if not working as well for us, try the night weaning first :)

have been keeping them both busy, went outside and as silly as it sounds, trying to not to sit down as much as that is a trigger for feeding session

I totally get that. That's the thing I was advised to do on here when I was cutting down DC2's daytime feeds. Choose one place to sit when you feed in the day and then just never sit there, be up and busy

I didn't have tandem feeding, but linked weaning to a birthday. In build up to birthday made a lot of "getting big" and preparing them that at their birthday milestone (2yrs in one case, 3 yrs in the other) they were too old for breastfeeding and that they would stop. I did the last feed on the night before their birthday. For 3 year old especially that worked brilliantly. As yours is 2y11 could try that with upcoming birthday?

That is a really brilliant idea! Thank you for sharing that 😊

I did a lot of distraction and having something else cool and fun to do which preempted wanting to feed. I fed baby more in a sling and less in that particular feeding chair.

I am currently attempting to wean my two tandem feeding toddlers who are almost 4 and almost 2. I night weaned my eldest at about 2.5yrs and my youngest was 6months so still feeding a lot. I’ve just night weaned my youngest a month or two ago. I would say I found night weaning first easier as they don’t see each other feed in the night all that often so didn’t gave a chance to get jealous. I’m struggling cutting down in the day as they argue over who’s had more.

@DanceToTheMusicInMyHead I’m liking the idea of linking weaning to a birthday. I’m feeling very done with tandem feeding now having done it for almost 2 years so thinking of maybe saying to my eldest Milkies will stop when he turns 4.

I know it is very demanding, tandem nursing. I really enjoyed breastfeeding my 1st and I still do enjoy breastfeeding but the tandem feeding does use lots of energy and also you are demanded almost constantly. We didn't do dummys so I'm their dummy too and I'm literally tapped out by the end of the day.
Did you find they slept better after weaning off at night? Mine still wake up frequently to feed through the night 😅

@FaeTheGreenWitch we didn’t do dummies either and definitely feel like I’m their constant source of comfort.

yes I did find both slept better since night weaning. My eldest still wakes but just brings himself into our bed, and I often don’t even notice he has until I wake and find him. My youngest will sometimes wake once and ask for milk but I tell her it’s still asleep, and she throws a paddy and goes back to sleep. But before nightweaning I’d be up 3/4 times a night so it’s definitely an improvement and I feel better for it. Its also improved my relationship with breastfeeding in the day and I don’t feel as touched out and resentful

Please don't say "throw a paddy", it's an anti-Irish slur.

Well, that sounds very positive. I feel exactly like you feel and cannot wait for a little break and also a bit more sleep 😅 I do just feel so touched out constantly. I'm starting tomorrow so wish me luck :)

Apologies @BarbaraHoward I had no idea! I thought it was like ‘throwing a wobbly’.

It means "behaving like an Irish person". Thanks for the apology, I've had awful abuse on here for pointing it out in the past.