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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

I'm so anti bfing, it's disgusting, makes my stomach turn

45 replies

BumperliciousNeedsToSleep · 28/04/2008 18:53

...is what I was told today.

To be fair it wasn't in reference to me bfing. I met a friend at work and was chatting to her about her pregnancy and she was sat with a friend. I asked my friend if she thought she might try bfing (she has had a breast reduction so doesn't know if she can) but I said I could get her some info if she needed is as I am a peer supporter, at which point her friend shuddered and said she was so anti-bfing, she thought it was disgusting and made her stomach turn.

I just gritted my teeth and said "really? I'm still feeding mine". What else could I have said? I didn't want to wax lyrical about bfing as I normally would have with a friend who probably can't bf.

I was and still am speechless. I have never in my 10 months of feeding heard such negativity towards bfing.

OP posts:

lackaDAISYcal · 28/04/2008 19:59

My jaw would have been on the table I think; then I'd have gotten into an argument....

but,as a retort if you come across this in future; there was something someone said on a thread on here once to the effect of "what, more disgusting than feeding your child reconstituted milk from another mammal through a plastic breast"

apologies for the probably terrible paraphrase, and no offence intended to those who formula feed.

harpsichordcarrier · 28/04/2008 20:03

I think keeping quiet when people say such outrageously nasty and hurtful things is part of the problem tbh.
if someone said (to someone who was ff) I am so antibottlefeeding, it's disgusting, it makes my stomach turn, would you still say she was entitled to her opinion?

Original poster

BumperliciousNeedsToSleep · 28/04/2008 20:05

What do you think would have been the answer Mercy? How else can you educate people? It was such an extreme reaction.

Daisy, if it wasn't for my pg friend I would have had more to say.

OP posts:

harpsichordcarrier · 28/04/2008 20:08

I might have said something like: that is really a very nasty thing to say, you coul really hurt someone's feelings very badly saying something like that.

or I might say, oh I am sorry you feel that way, how sad that you both missed out, that must have been awful for you.

or I might pretend she was joking and say ha ha yes that is very funny, BF being unnatural, you crack me up you really do."

but I probably wouldn't let it pass.

Fllight · 28/04/2008 20:10

I have had one woman say similar to me - we were forced to chat as we were both early to pick up our kids from preschool, and I was very pregnant.
I mentioned breastfeeding and the shudder and look of disgust I got was horrid 'Oh I could never do that'

We're not close

Mercy · 28/04/2008 20:12

I've certainly had adverse comments adn assumptions harpsi (re bottle feeding)

But I think (well guess, really) that for some women breasts are at teh same time a sexual thing and a feeding mechanism. I can understand that.

Nobody should feel free to comment adversley re how you feed your baby though. Extolling virtues either way is unhelpful imo.

chunkychips · 28/04/2008 20:17

I think it's a type of person isn't it, a bit sort of squeamish, probably don't like mess of any sort and shudder at the mention of bodily functions.

ShowOfHands · 28/04/2008 20:21

I have a friend who is quite frank in her assertion that if she ever has a dd she will not bf as it is "lesbian".

lackaDAISYcal · 28/04/2008 20:23

I just hope she hasn't really put your friend off the idea bumper.

at your friend SoH. I suppose that just exemplifies the fact that breasts have just become sexual objects in our culture.

QuintessentialShadows · 28/04/2008 20:27

Well, maybe she was also trying to be supportive of a friend who might not be able to breastfeed, but in a very OTT way?

Or, maybe she was trying to justify her own choice to NOT bf?

Califrau · 28/04/2008 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

BumperliciousNeedsToSleep · 28/04/2008 21:48

I don't know why I didn't say anything, it's really unlike me, I guess I didn't want to make my friend feel uncomfortable, she's not a good friend, more of a colleague really.

Instead I went away feeling bad as I shouldn't have bought the subject up, it was none of my business in the first place. If the conversation had been about me and my decision then I certainly would have spoken up, but it wasn't.

Why does this have to be so fraught?

OP posts:

FairyMum · 28/04/2008 21:52

Friend said to me: "You don't need to breastfeed these days. We are not animals".

unknownrebelbang · 28/04/2008 21:54

A woman I worked with (late 50s? no children) once said the thought of breastfeeding made her toes curl.

I don't have particularly strong feelings about how a mum chooses to feed her baby, but I felt the need to say something because I was so shocked (I just wasn't expecting this reaction from this woman iykwim).

Anyway, she went home and discussed with her mum the conversation we'd had - and her mum told her off for what she'd said.

preggersplayspop · 28/04/2008 22:06

When I had just had my DS I asked my mother in law if she had bf my DH and she told me "Oh no, I would never have done that". She still can't bring herself to say the word breastfeeding, when I last saw her she asked me "are you still....you know....?". Its just a generational thing with her I think, but it does make me feel a bit awkward when I visit but as we are 11 months in, I'm not letting it put me off!

verylittlecarrot · 28/04/2008 22:09

I always feel a little incredulous when someone pg or already a mum feels this way.

Push another, rather slimy, human being out of your most private place whilst baying like a cow and being scrutinised by onlookers who may also remove your poo which you inadvertently expelled at some point in the proceedings...yup, that's fine.

Breastfeed? Eeeeuuuuuuwwwww noooooo!!!!!!!!!! yuk.

Priceless.

Wisknit · 29/04/2008 09:45

This whole it's not natural/it's disgusting thing bugs me.

I think it it says something about our attitudes to our bodies. I was v. lucky. All my family BF, in particular I saw my aunt BF my cousins (10 & 12 years younger than me) so to me that was the norm. It wasn't til I met other mums and became a peer supporter that I realised for most people Bottle is the norm.

Scary.

serant · 30/04/2008 13:20

We only have breasts to feed babies!

what do these women think they are for fgs!!

I really don't know how we got to this point.

nervousal · 30/04/2008 13:24

why are you all so surprised that some people find bfing disgusting/unnatural etc etc? I certainly don't agree with this point of view - but given bfing rates round here are below 40% at 6 weeks I'm not surprised.

serant · 30/04/2008 13:35

It has def surprised me, I didn't realise the sats were so low!

what went wrong?

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