Breastfeeding is destroying me

[Sayshesheshe]

We have a 2 week old and feeding / latching has been rubbish from the beginning so we’ve combi fed.

She’s lost weight and not regained so now we’re in the danger window for needing more support or being admitted to hospital which I’m desperate to avoid.

But trying to feed her is wrecking my mental health, I’ve cried so much over her latch / lack of latch / no suction / falling asleep on the boob as soon as she latches. I’ve paid for a lactation consultant, gone to breast feeding cafes and spoken to midwives, started pumping to increase supply and nothing is making a difference.

I feel like I’m massively failing her and it’s ruined our newborn bubble bonding.

Does it get easier? Is it worth persevering with a baby who just doesn’t seem to latch (no one has identified a tongue tie) or should I just accept that I should give up and move to solely formula?

@Sayshesheshe sounds like you have a supportive and level headed husband, he’s obviously concerned and rightly so, he’s hit the nail on the head when he says you need to be happy and your mental health is so important. Try formula and give yourself a break, if baby takes this better then go with it, it won’t be detrimental to baby’s health or growth and you may find you can relax and enjoy this time much more with your little one. Best of luck 😊

Honestly. Let go of the guilt. Your baby will be fine. If you need permission to stop - here it is. It's ok to stop.

I was in a very similar situation to you with my first. I needed someone to tell me I was allowed to stop. It was the hardest month of my life. We switched to formula and baby thrived.

Second baby I exclusively breast fed for 18 months but I was in a very different place mentally.

I used nipple shields for the whole 15 months I bf for. I have flat nipples and my baby never did manage to latch. They were a mild faff but no big deal. Using them long term is an option if it works for you, even if it does affect the latch!

I saw 6 or 7 NHS professionals who missed DD2's 90% tongue tie 🫠 If you haven't seen a private TT specialist, I'd try that before making any final decisions. If you are anywhere near South London, I can recommend the lady I went to.

I've done the whole combi feeding / pumping thing (twice) and it is brutal. You are doing amazingly well, OP. If you want to stop, there is no shame in doing so. Baby will have had lots of benefits from what you have given so far. But if you want to carry on, it can get easier. Please take care of your MH, because I believe that my PND was hugely exacerbated by the stress i put on myself about breastfeeding. 💐

I too had a baby who lost too much weight and was on the cusp of being admitted back to hospital but put on a combi feeding plan plus told to express all the bloody time. It was the expressing that I hated the most and I don't think helped at all really. There was NO time for just enjoying the baby. I used nipple shields for maybe 6 ish weeks with both my babies and the first (also lost too much weight) was combi fed until 1 and the second is 1 and still breastfeeding and I did manage to wean off the combi feeding back to just breastfeeding her. Personally, from your info, I'd say give the nipple shields a proper go and if that doesn't work go with formula. I do think they just grow in strength and their mouths get bigger so it gets easier. I found it so hard with both of mine when they were tiny. You've given them a great start and formula is great these days.

Let go of the guilt. I can't even conceive doing all the things you are doing, you are an absolute hero.

I didn't have major challenges breastfeeding and I am still finding it horrible. The cluster feeding, the feeling of NEVER having a break, it's the stuff of nightmares. I would have a better bond with my baby if I formula fed. Breastfeeding got easier around 8-10 weeks so feels silly to give up now and I can’t be arsed with learning about formula after all this. But if I ever have a second baby, they're getting formula from day 1. Why did I have to be a martyr and breastfeed, i don't know.