At what age does BF become more about the mum than the child - when to stop

[horseshoe]

Did anyone choose to stop because they felt their child was getting too old? What age is too old?

A few years ago I would have said 2 years + is too old for breastfeeding. then suddenly I found myself breastfeeding a 2 year-old and it was the most natural thing in the world. Breastfeeding was one of his favourite things in the world, so why would I stop him? now i don't think there is an age which is too old. If yo want to feed a school-aged child, then go for it as far as I am concerned.

Btw, my friend is still feeding her 5 year-old at bedtime.

Thanks for the encouraging comments guys, it's really encouraging.

We just had a lovely feed where she latched straight on, sucked away for about half an hour, and by the end was doing that really cute thing where when you try to take your nipple out because they've stopped sucking they start chomping really insistently again Actually sometimes I pretend to take my nipple away just to get the reaction, it's so lovely.

From what I've seen in my family the older a child gets the more it becomes "about the child" in that once they can talk they tell their mother how the feeding is going to go.

It sort of pisses me off though when people go on about it "being about the mother" as though this is a bad thing. Isn't it meant to be mutually enjoyable?

One of my aunts fed her son until he was around 5 but not just at bedtimes, she did it everywhere and the things people used to say about it were Honestly, you'd have thought she was a pervert.

skidoodle - I'm with you.

Breast feeding is a realtionship between two people.

IMO when the baby is tiny all the onus is on the mother to keep with the feeding as long as she can.

However whne there is a walking, talking egocentric "feed me now or I will scream" toddler being fed I think the balance of power is definately more equal. Breast feeding mothers have rights too!

Both mother and child can say "no" to feeding when they don't want to and both can decide to end the feeding relationship too.

Starlight - the thing that has most helped me keep going with BFing is my utter laziness. FFing seems like such a faff and I just can't be arsed with it. In my lowest moments (increasingly infrequent) I think about having to worry about mixing up feeds and work out how many ounces and it makes me weary.

I'm sure it wouldn't really be that hard. I had to learn all about sterilising and bottles right at the start and totally against my will because for a few days I was expressing exclusively while she wasn't latching on. It wasn't that bad and now I'm totally used to it.

gagarin that's an interesting way to think of it - a relationship that changes over time, with the balance shifting as the baby develops. I guess the work to reward ratio changes too.

Skidoodle yes it is meant to be mutually enjoyable but nature doesn't always work things out quite right IME

personally I found it very difficult for about 6 weeks and then it was MUCH easier
however I know many people never really find it enjoyable and just do it for their children's sakes

skidoodle, i found it very tough going for a long time, at 6 months i was looking forward to stopping but had to continue as dd turned out to have a cows milk intolerance,. i started to enjoy it more after that but it ground to halt on both sides at 12 months as i was 3 months pregnant with ds, i was too tried and sore and she wasn't really interested.

I'm now still feeding ds at 21 months and quite enjoy it... i never saw myself feeding an older baby but i regret not getting this far with dd now. yes i'm more tired than i would be if i wasn't feeding and am quite looking forward to one day not having a child dependant on me but the day to day benefits and his ejoyment of it outweigh those feelings 200 to 1.

hang in there and kick dh if he dares comment on furniture spraying again... how the hell is he going to cope with a messy toddler on his precious couch?!

"At what age does nappy changing become more about the mum than the child"

"At what age does napping become more about the mum than the child"

I find it interesting that on the whole, we would never think to critise a mother who introduces toilet training or reducing daytime naps in response to her childs needs. As and when that child needs them...Why would breastfeeding be any different ? Yet mothers are still questioned and asked to justify breastfeeding.

Skidoodle,it sounds like you are getting there.
I was never mad about breastfeeding (although passionate about the idea) but did it for 21/2 years with my first and 11 months with my second. I fugured I owed it to them.

Babies - it's not that breast feeding has to be justified - it's that NOT breast feeding has to be justified too!

Skidoodle - I hope the feeding is going better today! I have a theory about those feeds when they obviously want milk and then seem furious as soon as they are latched on. My milk used to come out like a high pressure shower rose, I am not kidding, I could spray well past my DD's head in all directions if she pulled away from the nipple. She seemed to be getting cross if it was shooting out too fast, I guess it tickled or went straight down her throat. I tried feeding her tucked under my arm, like you would carry a yoga mat or something, or expressed the first bit to take the pressure off, so she could feed more easily.

As for when to stop, I carried on until she was 15 months old, when I decided as I was pregnant again I would rather save my physical strength for the new baby. Besides, she had got to the stage where BF was just an amusing version of a bedtime/morning cuddle - she would start feeding, I would sing a funny song or make a funny face and milk woud shoot out of both sides of her mouth as she chortled. The morning I decided to stop she came over to the bed and said "Some mummy milk?" and I said, "No - it's all done now", and she just accepted it. Quite a relief really, she now pats my boobs and says "There's the baby's milk in there!", and doesn't seem peturbed. It remains to be seen what happens when he comes out and actually starts feeding!

woolly, if she's anything like my dd she'll be fine, she was 12 months when i stopped feeding and 18 months when ds arrived and she was facinated but not at all jealous of him having milk, in fact when i gave her some expressed milk in a cup one day she spat it out in disgust, pmsl

she was more concerned about her teddy bear getting in on the action tbh, even before ds was born she'd bring teddy into my bed first thing in the morning and shove him up to my boobs for his 'mama mik'