Mummy guilt over wanting to stop expressing

[MarnsB]

Hi, my baby is 3 months old and due to a couple of issues when she was born, I have been expressing her milk, she gets mainly breast milk with two formula bottles at night as I can't seem to pump enough for all her feeds.

Pumping all the time is really tiring and now mentally draining... I feel like I am coming to the end...but mummy guilt weighs heavy and every day I am battling over the decision to stop.

Has anyone been in this predicament? Or have any advice?

I haven't been in your situation because I was never able to express, but I know it's hard work and it's totally ok to stop if you are struggling.

What would you say to a friend in the same situation? You'd tell them not to feel guilty and to lean into the other available options. Be a friend to yourself and shut down those guilty feelings.

Please stop if you are struggling. I battled through mixed feeding my first for about twelve weeksand it was just making me miserable and baby unsatisfied. Honestly I felt so much happier and bonded when we changed to bottle.

I went on to be able to breastfeed my second. Having been both 'sides' I feel it is so important not to stick with breastfeeding if it's making you miserable and exhausting. It's lovely when it works out and miserable when it doesn't - what is best for you is best for your baby.

thanks everyone for replying and being supportive. I know I would be so much happier formula feeding, i would have so much more time and energy to enjoy my baby instead of rushing about trying to make time to express and worrying about her feeds.

but I know breast milk is better for her long term...it's so tough to decide and I worry I am being selfish and should just push myself. the joys of motherhood 😶

Genuine question but why aren't you actually breastfeeding?

when she was born my supply hadn't come in so I was using a pump to work on that whilst giving top up formula feeds, then there were issues with latching and overtime pumping became the norm...we tried latching repeatedly over the first few weeks but no joy. it wasn't a decision that was made at the time, it just became that way

Breast milk is better long term when you look at huge populations of children - the effects for each individual child are much smaller, and the impact of having rested and less stressed mum will far outweigh any benefit of breast milk. Be kind to yourself - three months of breast milk is amazing, and your little one will continue to thrive with or without it.

thank u, this makes a lot of sense!

I was in exactly the same position with my first, and it had a huge impact on my mental and physical health. My son is now 2 and a half, incredibly healthy, and I just feel so sad that I struggled for such a long time, when it’s made no difference to him long term.

I expressed for almost a year, and it added so much stress to our time together. Some practical thoughts from me - it’s worth reading Emily Oster’s work on the benefits of breastfeeding- it really helped with my guilt around formula feeding. I also read a ton of posts on mumsnet from people in similar positions - it helped me feel less alone and again really helped with the guilt. I also found life much better when I reduced the number of pumps I did each day and stopped trying to make as much milk - I did 8/9 pumps a day for the first few months, and dropped very slowly - by the time I was on 3/4 pumps a day life was so, so much easier, so it might be that you don’t need to stop, just move to mainly formula feeding with top ups of expressed.

Finally, I just wanted to recognise how much effort you’ve put in to pumping so far - what an incredible mum you are. Please take care of yourself as well as your little one, whatever you decide to do ❤️

thank U all so much, this is what I needed, practical, logical advice and support! I will look up Emily Oster's work and starting today I am going to start reducing pumps...makes sense. It will reassure me to know she is still getting some level of breast milk daily albeit reduced. thanks again everyone 🥰

Pumping is hard work! I'm breastfeeding my 3 month old and I have tried to pump and it is so much effort and not something i want to do so no one can blame you for not wanting to do it, you have done the best you can and if you need to stop that is fine, no need to feel guilty at all, I have 4 children oldest was formula fed from 3 days old, second was formula fed from one month, my third was breastfed for 2 and a half years and I am breastfeeding my 3 month old currently but honestly you can't even tell how they were fed at all, so much pressure we put on ourselves when there's no need to, happy mum=happy baby

I've not been in your situation either because I found pumping really, really hard.

Whether you're BFing directly or pumping your journey should stop when either you or your LO has had enough abc it sounds as though you have.

It's advised to stop slowly anyway as this will reduce your chances of Mastitis and give LO a chance to get used to the increased volume of milk that they'll. need to consume.

So choose one feed and replace it with formula, then in a week choose another abs just keep going like that. You might find if you're not expressing in the night your supply might dwindle soon anyway

Honestly I’d try latching baby on to see what happens. Tummy to tummy on the couch early on a day where there is no pressure either way and see does baby give it a go. But definitely knock the pumping on the head. Worst of both worlds work load wise. Ideally you will be able to drop pumping feed by feed same as breastfeeding or mastitis is a risk.