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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Should I say anything? If so, what?

11 replies

Bimblin · 23/04/2008 23:28

I bf my first ds, with lots of support, partly because it was just what I expected to do (seeing as we're mammals and designed to do it right?), but relatively half heartedly - I took formula if I had to feed him outside the house etc because I found it hard in public. With ds2 I seem to have become evangelical about it as I have been reading lots, and am pretty much exclusively feeding him.
I have recently become acquainted with an old school friend as our dss are at pre school together and she is 8 months pregnant with her dc2. So I know her a bit but certainly not well enough to give her unwanted advice about anything. When she saw me bf ds2 she said 'oh you are good, I couldn't do that, I find it all a bit disgusting and I'm going straight to formula as I did with ds1'. I just said 'oh yeah well, its easy and cheap and I don't want him to become diabetic (as I am)', and dropped it. But should I attempt to persuade her or just leave it? I don't think I'd want her telling me to how to parent if I hadn't asked her to. On the other hand I stopped her ds running into the road the other day and said 'sorry, not meaning to tell him what to do' and she said 'god, no, its great if people look out for each other's kids'. So if you would bring it up, how would you do it?

OP posts:

onebatmother · 23/04/2008 23:37

Erk. Oh god, I don't know. I feel v strongly about it too but gah, I can't imagine how I would say it in a way that wouldn't be alienating..

Though - could you try saying to her, "you know, I was thinking about what you said the other day and actually, I feel a bit sad that with ds I missed out a bit on how wonderfully close it's brought me with ds2..

No.

Perhaps someone with tact and grace will be along shortly bimblin.

tori32 · 23/04/2008 23:39

I would leave it unless conversation came round to it iyswim. I would ask out of interest why she found it disgusting and say I knew lots of people who thought that then found it was fine when they tried it. I wouldn't insinuate that ff is inferior or that she may damage her childs health by ff though because she will probably get annoyed (as I would). I can see it from both sides. Lots depends on upbringing i.e. with dd1 I had no family female to ask for advice and support/ other mums who bf living nearby. This time I have good support. With dd1 6 wks of bf felt unbearable and I had PND, dd2 is 4wks and bf is easy and the time has flown by and no PND I used to justify it saying ff babies slept better. However, dd2 sleeps well too and is bf. Depends really on why she is against the idea.

DirtySexyMummy · 23/04/2008 23:48

No no good god don't try and 'convince' her, please.

Everyone should be free to make their own decisions and choices. Don't try and tell her that 'you know better', its very patronising and I am sure she is aware of the pros and cons of breast vs bottle, and has made her choice.

CJMommy · 23/04/2008 23:48

This is only my personal opinion but I would do one of two things:

1)Find an opportunity to bf in front of her again and if the subject comes up, you could just 'matter-of-factly' discuss the benefits it's had for you and your DS without actually suggesting that she should consider it i.e give her food for thought

2)Don't do anything. She's an adult who will make up her own mind and if she thinks it's 'disgusting', you've got less chance of convincing her otherwise than if she were just choosing formula for other reasons

You could always be very open with her but I'm not that brave and am not known for my tact either!

Flibbertyjibbet · 23/04/2008 23:51

Leave it. If you are exclusively feeding baby then just feed in front of her, let her see that its easy and doesn't have to be all waving tits around. If the subject comes up then answer her questions without preaching or appearing superior but don't 'bring it up'.
SIL said she just didn't fancy BF when her dd was born 10 years ago. I was bf ds1 at the time. I started to say that its easy, free, etc and she stopped me, glared at me and said sternly 'I told you I just didn't fancy it'. Just as some of us think bf is great, others don't want to know.
I came from a family who all bf'd so I thought it was the norm. DP came from ff family and they think bf wierd/disgusting/lentil weaverish whatever. When people have deep seated views I find its best to just leave them to it.

Original poster

Bimblin · 23/04/2008 23:58

Yeah, I don't want to piss her off or alienate her, that's for sure. And I don't think the easy/cheap advantages would have meant much to her (she's well off and skinny). But I bet she hasn't looked into it much, as people say, its the cultural influences and her mum will have said 'well you and your db were ff and are fine'. And its none of my business. But...if she'd read the stuff I have, she might re-think. Though I certainly don't want to suggest it. Good thing I am 100% sure she is not an mnetter so I can discuss it...

OP posts:

PortAndLemon · 24/04/2008 00:02

I would leave it unless the subject naturally comes up again.

Mind you, I would have been hacked off with Flibbertyjibbet's SIL... "so, you can tell me how you feel but I'm not allowed to tell you how I feel... is this some interesting definition of 'conversation' with which I was previously unfamiliar?". But even then I'd have shut up and just moaned at DH later.

Original poster

Bimblin · 24/04/2008 00:12

On the other hand, if it was any other type of feeding I'd have happily commented, ie, I find if I let ds have too many sweets etc he is e-numbered up and is a nightmare and would happily say why don't you try cutting out the sweets and see if it helps? Hardly offensive. So why is bf/ff such a minefield?

But I can't imagine I'll say anything...

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ChairmumMiaow · 24/04/2008 08:21

I have the same problem with mothers at my postnatal group / my NCT antenatal group - we've got such a low breastfeeding rate, and I want to be encouraging and help them to stick with the bf, but I'm so outnumbered that all the cries of "a bit of formula won't hurt" drown out my quiet comments!

One mixed-feeder has already switched to completely formula, and I think its a shame as her DD is healthy and was gaining weight well enough.

I'd love to know how to do the subtle but convincing encouragement thing!

hana · 24/04/2008 08:24

god, of course you shouldn't convince her! It's her choice, not yours.

McDreamy · 24/04/2008 08:30

I think you would be wise no to say anything but as others have said breast feed in front of her and demonstrate how straight forward and faff free it can be.

I would find it difficult to phrase it in such a way that wouldn't sound like I was preaching or being smug.

People are funny when it comes to feeding their children. I have a friend who made a real point of expressing her disapproval when I gave my dc's cheerios for breakfast one day during a short break away together. She told her children that they weren't allowed "that kind of food" and proceeded to feed her children crisps and biscuits for much f the remainder of the day

Initially I was a bit miffed by her comments but as the day went on I found it quite funny........but I didn't say anything!

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