stopping breastfeeding

[Freddie15VES]

i’ve pretty much apart from the very odd bottle, ebf for my daughters entire 7 months of being on this earth!! i feel like im getting to a point where im feeling like im ready to stop, im back at work 2 days a week now and i do feel ready to have my body back - she also doesn’t sleep well. we have to co sleep as she’s on and off the boob all night but im also worried about the below

1. i feel selfish
2. she feeds to sleep the majority of the time, how will i settle her without a boob!
3. will she struggle without using me for comfort?
4. am i deluding myself that she may start sleeping better?

i feel really bad that ill be taking away what she loves 😂 but mentally i feel ready for dad to share some of the load

would love to hear peoples experiences

Hi op,

I have no advice but I’m in a very similar position. In face I could have wrote this myself! My DS is 8 months and is on the boob all night. He is in a cot but wakes after 2 hours max for a feed and then he is in the bed with me on the boob and when I think he’s asleep I’ll take him off but then he cries for more and I can’t settle him with anything else 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t think I’m at the point where I wasn’t to stop Bf but I just need some guidance or advice on how we can actually get some sleep! I would say at the moment I am getting maybe 4 hours of broken sleep a night.

Presumably she has solids at mealtimes? Formula Milk in a sippy cup (with a soft spout and two handles after a meal was a good start to weaning my eldest at ten months. Slowly I replaced the ad hoc breastfeeds with milk and cuddles at specific times
I think the sucking is important at that age for comfort which is why your feeding to sleep is the real issue. So start with settling her to sleep without directly feeding her to sleep. Breastfeed her at a different time don't cut out breastfeed in the day just schedule it differently so it is perhaps ten minutes before you put her down awake. Have a routine associated with sleep music, cuddles on a full stomach but not literally feeding to sleep. Transitional objects are also good. My son had a knotty rabbit (ears and knots) so comfort is given but not the sucking part

He did begin to suck his thumb though and the rabbit! It's natural for them to want to suck you can't eradicate that. But you can structure feeds and sleep differently

Co sleeping might work eventually without breastfeeding if you want that to continue. It's just breaking the association.

Personally I know people that continued breastfeeding for another year and just fed at night or when it suited. It's amazing how the body can regulate as the baby gets older and has solid food and extra formula in a sippy cup

This is also the time babies start teething and breastfeeding feels like hardwork, it does get better. And it is so convenient. Stopped my second sons asthma in its tracks. No earaches. Good when they have d and v.

I fed my twins till they were nearly two having weaned older one at ten months, and I didn't regret it

I used a rough guide to eating and sleeping in form of Gina Ford when they were that age (7 months) and although I breastfed a lot more often and often co slept than she suggested you needed to (as it was twins) it certainly helped structure their sleep. They had day time naps and I did almost feed them to sleep but not quite ! I definitely got more sleep than you are getting. The more structured food/milk combo in the day helped their sleep at night. The right food, plenty of milk(formula or breast) protein carbs etc.

This was 22 years ago I hasten to add 😊

I think it isn't breastfeeding as such it's sleep associations. People have the same problems with bottle fed babies waking all night long. I am sure there are current books on the subject. In my day it was Ferber but I think there are gentler methods and gurus now.

I also remember the health visitor advising me to milk feed after solids at that age and not before whereas earlier on at six months it was the milk before the solids. Milk fills them up and then they arent getting the iron and nutrients from solids that helps make a nutritious balanced diet, and in turn helps them sleep through.
So that's another aspect. The kind of solids. Not just fruit purees or veg purees but carbs and protein rich solids. Lentils egg or meat chicken fish potato pasta rice porridge based sort of meals going forward as well as milk taken liquid form.

Hi @Freddie15VES I have a 7 month old too 👋🏻

My eldest self weaned completely at 26 months but I night weaned at 22 months as I was struggling with feeding at night as I was pregnant. Night weaning did not improve his sleep whatsoever, the only thing that has made an actual difference to sleep is time, which I know is unhelpful to hear but I always think having a realistic expectation is better.

It’s not at all selfish if you want to stop, breastfeeding is a 2 way relationship that you are perfectly entitled to end whenever you wish. It’s your body, and you need to feel happy and comfortable.

Settling without bf may be harder, but not impossible. I night weaned very slowly and I don’t think it would have worked for us any other way, but my DS was older so I’m not sure how I would go with a younger baby, obviously you’d need to use formula until 12 months.

I will say that as soon as they start walking, breastfeeding is like magic for when they have inevitable trips and falls, I actually feel the breastfeeding relationship gets nicer as they grow, but that’s my opinion, you might not feel the same.

If you are not already, attach the cot to your bed like a next 2 me but with a bigger cot. Then you can cosleep, and feed easily while both getting some of your own space. If you do decide to stop, cosleeping will probably help provide comfort and support for you little one during the transition. Another huge thing that helps me is not counting night feeds or checking the time, I had heard this with my first but wasn’t able to stop doing it, but it has been a game changer with my second, I feel more rested and less irritated somehow.

Even if you don’t decide to stop, your partner can definitely take on more of a role, start with him trying to get baby to sleep during low stakes times (naps, maybe bedtime, not 3am).

It’s also worth saying that parenting is tiring, and stopping feeding or even getting better nights may not take away the exhaustion of being a working parent. Not that there aren’t ways to help with that, just that this may not be the fairytale solution.

This post went on much longer than planned, ultimately it’s your decision and you should feel supported to do whatever you feel is right. Hope you get some sleep tonight 🧡