Baby not feeding, advised to top up with formula and really struggling

[Rosess364]

My little boy was born nearly 5 weeks ago via emergency CS. I had to be put under general anaesthetic too.

After a really strong start to breastfeeding (he lost 7% of birth weight but gained it back in just over 2 weeks) we are faltering.

The main issue is that baby is reluctant to feed for more than a few minutes each side. So a ‘feed’ can take an hour but out of that time 99% of it is just him suckling for comfort.

As a result he is gaining weight very slowly and is tracking along the 0.4 percentile. Lots of wet dirty nappies and is bright and alert when awake. I’m worried sick about his weight gain though.

He was diagnosed with tongue tie and had this snipped at 4 weeks. Ive been advised by HV, midwife and breastfeeding specialist to pump and top up with expressed milk or formula.

I’ve been giving 40-60ml after a feed in a bottle, which he demolishes and eventually seems quiet and content. If I just breastfeed him he is rarely quiet and content, often squirms, cries and generally seems unsettled.

Everything I’ve read on here is that topping up tanks your supply and leads to baby refusing the breast/preferring bottles. Advice always is to just let him feed all day if necessary but what do I do if he’s not actively feeding?! Tried breast compressions, switching sides regularly etc. nothing seems to get him to have a good feed so he’s full.

I’m in bits. I already feel a failure of a mother because I couldn’t give birth naturally or even hold him for hours after he was born. Now I can’t even feed him properly.

Any words of advice?

Also pain when feeding as time goes on is a sign that something is not quite right, and the minute he latches on properly for more than two minutes you will know the difference, it feels different.

I feel so, so saddened every time I see a mum punishing herself because breastfeeding isn't working out. I've been to both places - it didn't work out with my first, it did with my second.

Honestly, I was so relieved when I changed to bottle with my oldest - the feeds, like yours, were taking an hour, she was dissatisfied, so was I. When we made the move to bottle we were both happier and able to bond better, it was clearly the best thing for her.

Maybe like some of the mums here you will be able to push on through and stick to breastfeeding, but please know it is absolutely fine to go to bottle if you have to and thank God that is there as an option.

Sending you lots of love.

A couple of simple suggestions

Are you using compressions and switch feeding. 45% of milk volume is available in first let down and very little between let downs so it sounds like your baby is suckling well during let down but then not able to elicit the next one. Using compressions and then switching breasts and then switching back again and again until he's done maximises milk volume

Can you top up using a supplementor at the breast. Once you get the hang of it, it's super efficient, avoids the risk of bottle preference and maximises your supply.

I get the disappointment and frustration completely. I'm an IBCLC with hypoplasia and it was really hard to realise exclusive breastfeeding wasn't going to happen for me but now I'm kind of hoping my 5yo might stop breastfeeding sometime soon so even if exclusive breastfeeding isn't a possibility it doesn't mean your breastfeeding journey won't go where you want it to.

Back in the 50s my gran was in your position. She didn't produce enough milk for my mum or my auntie but it was the 50s and her sister lived around the corner and had babies a similar age and plenty of milk. So she topped up my mum and auntie.
Feeding issues have always been around but we no longer have a village around us in the same situation

My dad was prem and only 1kg a birth. He was fed condensed milk instead of formula as it was more calorific!

Babies just need milk in their tummies and arms to hold them.

Has reflux and /or allergies been explored? My daughter has silent reflux and food allergies and both caused her to drop to 5 seconds length breastfeeds and no more than 1min total between 10am and 8pm. It was incredibly stressful she only fed whilst lying down. It all went away once she was on high dose omperazole but became and early warning that I had eaten something she was allergic too

You sound like you really know your baby! I was in a similar position and the advice to 'just stay in bed and feed' really hurt... like i wasn't feeding or loving him enough! I just had low supply and no amount of cuddling would help. The supplementer is a great idea if you can manage it because baby is stimulating your supply as well as feeding. If baby is feeding all day but not getting enough they will get exhausted, so use the formula to get a proper picture of what's going on. You had a really tough start but you are a fabulous mum. Every drop of breast milk is gold for that little one x