Love and hate breastfeeding

[mumtoababygirl]

I’m EBF my 13 week old DD.

I’m really struggling, DD barely sleeps during the day and has started sleeping terribly at night now too.

During the day, I’m lucky if I get an hour from one feed finishing to the next starting and she’ll feed for an hour each time.

I feel like I’m doing something wrong, her weight is dropping down the centiles too and I’m having to have her weighed weekly.

But if I stop BFing, I have no other way of getting her to sleep or settling her. I feel like I’ve messed everything up by not learning to do these things from the start.i don’t want to traumatise her by all the crying it will make her do if I stop BFing.

I’m also worried about the guilt if I stop, like what if she gets poorly, I’ll blame myself. There are stomach issues in my Dads side of the family and if she gets any later in life, I’ll feel like it will be my fault. I love her so much and just want to do the right thing by her.

I’ve spoken to loads of professionals in real life and they all just say “yes that can be normal” but I don’t see how it can be. She’s just slept for 3 hours, fed for 1h 15, slept 15 minutes and has been feeding again for 15m. How is that possible? How can she have space in her belly for any more milk?

DH doesn’t say anything but I think he’d prefer if I stopped BFing too.

I just don’t know what to do, I feel so stuck.

I'm by no means an expert just someone who has breastfed 2 babies.

First off it's hard, so give yourself some grace.

It sounds like the frequency and duration of feeding at the moment could be cluster feeding. Breastfed babies do do this, it is normal at your babies age to cluster feed. I remember my first baby around this age was just constantly glued to my boob, it was tough at times, and the lack of sleep is very challenging to say the least!

Also don't worry about overfeeding, breastfed babies can't be overfed, they pace themselves.

In terms of the dropping weight, have you been given any guidance on this from health professionals? Is her latch ok? Has a tongue/lip tie been investigated?

I can imagine it's very stressful for you to constantly worry about this. But please don't think you are doing anything wrong because you are not. And if you decide to stop and change to bottles that's fine, you are still doing the best for your baby.

Just to add to PP comments, when she sleeps you must rest yourself, ignore any housework, you need to rest. Put a sign on your front door saying only knock if absolutely necessary and sleep.
Check with your HV about things like combi feeding, gripe water, infacol etc and also is she using you as a dummy? If so can you try a dummy to help her stay asleep?
Good luck - I promise it DOES get better

It sounds like cluster feeding, growth spurt, the feeding can be crazy intense around then. It’s to build up your supply, what does the hv or doc advise about the weight? Could you combi feed? Breast and bottle works too so doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Lots of advice out there (on instagram even!) I also agree the breastfeeding is amazing to settle them and comfort but if you’re stressing about weight there’s other ways to settle them too x

Babies breastfeed and suck for all sorts of reasons not just food. Comfort is a big one.

La Leche League has some great resources.

So yes, it's normal, this too will pass.

But if you hate breastfeeding, and some people do, it's okay to stop.

Is there any breastfeeding support in your area? Not just midwives/health visitor but actual infant feeding specialist? Sounds like you would benefit from someone checking the latch to ensure optimum milk transfer. Some babies do just love being on the breast all the time, it's not just food remember but comfort and safety for baby. My first was like this, and although he was small on 9th percentile, he tracked on this over time. But the weight loss is a red flag so suggest lactation support, but from someone who has training, as many midwives/health visitors don't have specialist knowledge.
Also would avoid dummy, if you are having problems with supply that will make it worse.

Yes, I’ve had a lot of support from the infant feeding team, and they run a weekly support group for mums which I go to.

Latch is fine, tongue tie was corrected at 3 weeks old, no dummy.

Everyone that sees her think that the weight percentile drop isn’t too concerning once they’ve actually seen her, babies in my family and our builds tend to be tall and slim and I think she’s going to be the same, she’s alert and active and they think she’s just burning off all her calories because of that 🙈 she does gain weight every week, just not enough to track.

The time spent feeding doesn't sound unusual but that doesn't make it easier! You could try combi feeding to give yourself a break but keep the option of breastfeeding? It doesn't have to be all or nothing! Switching to just formula is if course fine too.

You haven't messed up with settling her either, she's very little yet. You can start trying other ways to get her to sleep as well, then feed her if it's not working and she is getting too distressed - the carrier would often work for me (once I had fed DD so was fairly sure she wasn't actually hungry), or sometimes the pram (it would have to be moving, sometimes she would scream for 5 minutes and then fall asleep, other times she would keep screaming so I would take her out and put her in the carrier or feed her if there was a convenient bench). Is there someone else who can settle her some of the time? DD would go straight to sleep on DH's chest but look for milk if I had her.

The weight dropping down the centiles happens more than you think, DD did that until about 4 months then started following the 9th centile line. She's 9 months now, happily crawling everywhere and climbing up the stairs after her big brother. Talking to other parents, there were a few who had had similar experiences! It is still worth keeping an eye on, we were referred to the paediatric dietitian so that could be worth asking about - DD's weight started following the centiles by the time we got an appointment but if there is a problem they will be in a better place to spot it.

Try not to worry, and good luck!

If you can afford it, I would search for an IBCLC in your area (think the website is Lactation Consultants of Great Britain) who can come and do an assessment. The combination of very long feeds and going down. In centiles could indicate an issue with effective milk transfer.
That would be my first port of call.
Also you haven't messed anything - you are doing something amazing for your daughter! Good luck