Weaning guilt

[CityKity]

Typing this as DH is putting DS to bed for the third night without the boob and am having such pangs of guilt.

DS is almost 13 months and EBF. I’d always planning to wean off the boob by one year, but it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Since around 11 months, we successfully night weaned and have been on 4 feeds only - first thing, before naps 1 and 2, and before bed. As you can tell I’ve heavily relied on feeding DS to sleep, but it’s just been so efficient so far.

As he’s hit 1yr, the day feeds got really annoying for me, lots of kicking, tugging and generally really spurned me on to start weaning him off entirely and now I feel like an awful parent. Decided to take advantage of the bank holiday and having DH around to do bed times and naps so currently I’m only doing the morning feed.
I never thought I’d be this person, but I’m missing the pre bed feed so much. I feel like I’m cutting the bond between me and DS and it breaks my heart to see him nap and cuddle DH to sleep rather than me (selfish I know). I’m going back to work soon so I knew the day feeds would need to end, but I’m feeling pressure from DH and my mum to cut them all when actually maybe I do want to keep the morning/bedtime feed a little longer?
I’m so conflicted and just want to do what’s best for DS and deep down know that he’s a very wilful child and the long I continue BF the harder he will take weaning off entirely, whereas at this age he really doesn’t seem too fussed (aside from bedtime).
I’m sorry for the rambling post, but is weaning guilt normal? Does it pass? Is it just hormones going haywire?
Lastly, I’ve only done the single morning feeds the last two days. Is it possible to add back the bedtime one again or has that ship
sailed and my supply dropped off?

You’ve done a fantastic job, is all I can say.

Oh l did get guilty and my daughter was two years old.
I felt bereft .. l stopped the two day time first.. just did morning and night.. then just night.. but l had to leave her with my Mum for 3 nights to get her to " forget" that was such a tug at my heart.
But in the end it was for the best.
I became a single parent .

Your supply will pick up again if you increase feeding. Your hormones will also likely go a bit bonkers as you drop, especially if it’s quite a bit

I still feel my 3.5yo at bedtime - we’re down to literally 30 seconds or so but he’s not for giving it up!

That reply felt like a cuddle that I really needed right now. Thank you so much

@Moier okay it’s reassuring to know that guilt is normal. Bereft is exactly how I feel, but if it will feel like this at 2 or 3 years, I’m sure now is as good a time as any.
Potentially I have cut too much too quickly, going from 4 a day to once, but at the time it felt easier to stop feeding to sleep entirely rather than confuse DS.

@LottieMary DS was always a very efficient feeder so we were also down to a few mins before he’d drop off so I’m sure it was habit more than anything but now I miss the closeness and actually can’t wait for him to wake up tomorrow for our morning feed. Do you think it will be more confusing to add back in the bedtime feed?