4.5 month old breastfeeding aversion- will only feed lying down in bed sleepy/asleep!

[sab97]

Hi all,

First post- not sure where to post!

Desperately looking for some advice or if anyone has been through anything similar. I’m not sure how much longer I can cope with this! My EBF baby is 5 months next week. For two months now we have been having the same issue, she will not breastfeed if she is awake.

Prior to this aversion, she would feed brilliantly in the cradle hold without any issues. I have queried silent reflux with the GP but they did not want to give any treatment as she seemed to be managing okay with this.

My daughter had Covid in June, which is when these issues started. Ever since then, if I try and put her in cradle hold she arches her back and refuses it even if she’s hungry. The only way I can get her to feed is lying down in a dark room with her when she’s sleepy/ asleep. I have tried multiple different breastfeeding positions, she will latch in koala for maybe 30 seconds then pull off.

She will not take a bottle or a cup, we have tried multiple times. I have tried everything to get her to take a bottle, leaving the house to let my husband do it, bottle wrapped in a top that smells like me, different bottles/teats. Waiting until she’s hungry etc and none of it works.

I can now not leave the house for longer than 2 hours as I know she will be due a feed and I will have to feed her lying down in bed.

We are meant to be going on holiday next month and I am riddled with anxiety as I do not know how I will feed her in the airport or on the plane.

Has anyone else’s baby refused to feed awake/in usual hold or have to feed lying down in bed? How long did it last for??

I feel like such a failure, and I would have probably given up on breastfeeding by now if she would take a bottle but I feel stuck and restricted to the house :(

Sorry for long post- one desperate mama!

If it started with Covid-19 I think I'd be going back to the GP and ask them to check her throat and ears. Sounds like she might have an infection to me.

Long time BF supporter here.

First yes, get her checked out by GP.

There are a lot of changes around the 3 month mark and if your baby hasn't quite got the most optimal latch at that point they can be quite tricky to feed, feeding more often than you'd expect. They also become much more aware of their surroundings amd don't tend to like being fed if there are other fun things to look at. Lying on the bed in a quiet bedroom sounds much less distracting, and they're tired so they want to be calm.

If she is gaining weight nicely I would go along with the quiet feeds, or turn off all distractions and feed her quietly in a corner with nothing to look at if you are at home/out. But also get your latch checked - a local BF group might be able to offer some more tips.

@RappersNeedChapstick I’ve had her back at the doctors a few times since Covid where they’ve checked her over. About three weeks ago they said that she had a viral throat infection but didn’t give any medication as they said it would clear up on its own!

@CocoPlum thanks for your reply! I’ve had her latch checked numerous times and they’ve said all is good and they have no concerns! She’s gaining weight well and no concerns with that, I just can’t feed her any other way and she refuses when we’re out and about so it’s just not been worth it. I’m happy to continue lying down to feed her I’m just so anxious about the holiday coming up and on the airplane/airport!

I would take her back tomorrow and ask them to check it again. The tines we've been told that and it just hasn't cleared, well, I've lost count.

Hello, I had the exact same experience with my 4.5 month old. I couldn't find anything in official literature online and even local breastfeeding support seemed to put it down to possie teething or a nursing strike which I don't think it is. Interestingly though, if you google "baby will only feed lying down mumsnet" you'll find loads of threads about the same issue, usually with babies the same age. So firstly, I wanted to assure you you're not alone with this!!

A few weeks ago my baby went from very frequently and happily feeding anywhere and everywhere in cradle hold, to seemingly overnight rejecting the breast, turning her head away, crying and arching her back when offered. It was probably more gradual than that but that's what it felt like! I could only get her to feed lying down when very sleepy, asleep or just falling asleep/waking up. Over the past few weeks I think I've worked out what's happened and wonder if you can relate at all. The covid may be linked or a total coincidence:

1. baby just isn't hungry as often and her feeding needs reduced (seemed to be significantly and suddenly). Previously I don't think she ever declined a feed and would take whenever offered. I would read online that they only needed feeding every 3-4 hours at this age but mine was still feeding every 1-2. I think her feeding needs moved into more of the "normal" range, but I'd been carrying on offering very frequently because of how she fed before.

2. I was misinterpreting things as feeding cues. She chews her hand constantly now. This is developmentally normal but in the past was a feeding cue, so I'd think she was hungry and try and offer when she wasn't. Rooting seems to be her most obvious and reliable cue now.

3. she's become much more alert and aware of her surroundings as she's got older so is much more distractable. Babies can find it hard at this age to multitask so find it easier to feed in a dark, quiet room when sleepy.

As for advice, I've found the following helpful and wonder if you could try any of them:

1. rest assured you're not alone with this!
2. try offering the breast less. I've noticed that after 3 or 4 hours without a feed, my baby will actually feed in cradle hold, not just lying down
3. try feeding in the quietest, dimly lit room you can find. Put your phone down, don't chat whilst feeding. Try a muslin cloth over your shoulder and baby's head when out and about.
4. In the airport, there are often breastfeeding rooms. You could try lying her on the sofa there the kneeling/sitting on the floor next to baby to feed, so she's lying down. Worst case scenario, can you find a quiet corner and lie on the floor together. You may not need to do this as often as you think if you're feeding less.
5. you may need to find new ways to get baby to sleep/distract/soothe if you were like me and relied on feeding for everything when newborn! It sometimes still works, but I also use distraction, play, rocking more now if not. I sometimes do a fair bit of play first before feeding/let her look around for a while before attempting to feed, in the hope she's less distracted at the breast!

Good luck!

My daughter was like this. I had the mattress from her travel cot under the sofa so I could feed her lying down on the living room with something vaguely resembling comfort.
For us it turned out the feeding aversion was due to severe silent reflux, the GP had only been treating her mild-moderate actual reflux and multiple food allergies. Once I started removing her allergens from my diet feeding for easier and feeding difficulties became our earliest warning that I had eaten something she reacted too.

I was dismissed so many times by the gp we had about 8 appointments and 3 feeding assessments with the infant feeding team. I think they missed a tongue tie as since she has been a toddler it is quite obvious that she can't lift the centre of her tongue but she has good movement in and out which is all the infant feeding team looked at. She had good steady weight gain around the 9th percentile but I'm only small. I was told she's just a 9th percentile baby and she wouldn't be gaining weight as well if she had cmpa. Once dairy and soya were cut out of my diet she went to the 25th-50th percentile so her weight was being impacted by the allergies.