Weaning 18 month old who won't eat

[NavyPoet]

My 18 month old has always been very boob dependent and has recently started refusing 90% of food offered and so I've decided I'd like to go cold turkey. We sit with him at mealtimes and try to make it fun, offer a variety of foods etc but he just wants to nurse. He pulls at my top, cries, screams, hits me, etc and I often end up giving in but today I've reached my limit. Please advise on the best way to do this as I'm convinced he is going to starve himself to death. He accepts snacks and occasionally a bottle of milk but not nearly enough as he needs.

I think offering him the breast at bedtime etc is just confusing him as he doesn't understand why he can have it sometimes but not others. He is not mature enough to have the concept of, for example, 'at night time only' explained to him. I would breastfeed him on demand for much longer if he wasn't so reliant on it but I am now finding it very draining. He eats much better at nursery than at home which leads me to believe he will probably learn to eat more food if the alternative isn't available anymore. Any tips/advice gratefully received!

It's completely fine to stop bfing if you've reached your limit.

He won't starve, keep offering food and use lots on distractions when the foods is in front of him.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies thanks I needed to hear that tbh!

I had an underweight non eater (medical issues, also didnt drink milk while awake until 9 months old). Remove all formality. Snack trays in the living room rather than sit down meals. Remove the pressure, make it boring, casual, unremarkable. They learn to eat at tables at nursery and school so don't worry about that.

For what it's worth, my 2yo eater (second child who loves food) is also a breastfeeding fanatic. She calms down if its always on tap - if restricted, it's all she wants.

Yes I would stop, the benefits of breast feeding are out outweighed by the downsides. He’ll thank you when he eats properly and therefore grows well!

Is it possible for you DP to be at mealtimes but not you?
If you're not there he maybe more interested in food

It's absolutely fine to stop breastfeeding because you've reached this point. Don't worry OP, he won't starve and will adapt in a few days.

@Blessedbethefruitz Thanks for this. We have definitely had more success with food in front of the TV than at the table recently. I love food and just wish I could help him to enjoy it more, feel like I've tripped up somewhere somehow...

@Rainbowsponge Absolutely agree, thank you!

@Hadalifeonce He won't eat with my partner either, although his success rate is a little better than mine... I think he knows if I am home he will be bf at some point so holds out.

@AppleCream Thanks, I'm sure you're right! I am generally quite a reasonable person but my son was severely underweight and had to go into NICU when he was a few days old as my milk hadn't come in and I hadn't noticed so I think the subject of feeding him is particularly emotional for me and I find it hard to be sensible...

DS went through the same between a year and 2 years. In the end we just abolished mealtimes for a few weeks. I would just pop a chopped up banana on a plate and leave it on the coffee table while he was playing and he was much more likely to have a nibble on it than if we'd sat at the table with it. I'd also make myself something to eat, but nothing for him, and he would get curious and ask for some. I know not everyone would agree with these methods but it worked quite well for us and within a month or so we could all eat meals at the table.

My daughter was 20 months before she ate enough to drop formula. At this point she was still having 18+Oz of formula a day and not a huge amount of food. She didn't eat her first meal until she was 13 months and it was only when she was eating more than a bite or two of food a day that she started gaining weight after only putting on 200g between 7 and 13 months.
She was under the dietician and paediatrician and they were keen to keep her on formula until she ate enough to maintain her weight. She and a 5oz bottle with her nap, 8oz before bed and 5oz in the night. She still needs 3 good cups of oat milks a day to meet her calcium and fat /calories needs.
Could you switch our the breastfeeds for cups of milk? Or only offer breastfeeds at particular times of day. Would it be worth a chat with your HV?