hi. you sound sad.
i would say that my personal feeling straight away with this is to continue bf, and try and get a grip on your eating asap.
i have suffered with plenty of eating disorders in the past and am wondering why you have started again now? if its the weight thing, remember that bf uses up calories, a very easy way to shed some pounds in the first few weeks/months.
if its a control thing for you, then maybe you need to look ahead a little way....how old is your baby? if its only little, then try and go with it. its bloody hard work bf a new baby, and it takes a huge commitment, but it does get easier as the baby settles into a more regular feeding pattern.
if its a coping mechanism, then try and find another way of coping when the shit hits the fan...go out for a walk with the buggy, have five minutes out with a magazine....phone a friend for a chat, do some hoovering (well, you never know!lol)
it is very difficult to return to bf once you've stopped...make sure you are sure of your decision. when i felt overwhelmed and wanted to stop, i'd always give myself til after the next feed...usually then, i had calmed an felt ok to carry on.. you could even introduce one ff a day for someone else to give your baby and to give you a break....
bm is always the ideal for a baby, but sometimes, a happy mum is more important....don't stress. you sound like you're giving yourself a really hard time.
have you spoken to your hv about how you feel? maybe you should give her a ring.
take care x