Tips to be successful with BF my 2nd- please help!

[lisimm]

Hi everyone,

I'm literally desperate to breastfeed this time around! I thought I did everything right last time but just couldn't get the hang of it once hubs was here. BF for 3 days, pumped and formula combi for 7 then just formula after that. I felt so disheartened but I think I was just an overwhelmed first time mum who honestly had no support. I didn't even know how to do it! And by the time the infant feeding team got to me she was 10 days old and they said it was too late as she'd forgot 😣

This time I need your top tips to give BF a good go.

1. Do I need to buy a pump or is it better if I just try to EBF at the start then introduce a bottle later?
2. Any things I should buy to help? Creams, shields? Anything?
3. How do I know if I'm doing it right? My first baby never seemed happy when I was BF, will baby just seem settled on the boob?
4. what support can I get? I don't even mind paying for help this time!
5. Should I buy some formula too for top ups if needed/ just incase or is it better to just battle through the hard few days (obviously if any professionals advise formula due to weight loss, I will give it!)
6. Experiences with BF and having a toddler, am I being too ambitious/ hard on myself or is it completely attainable to feed a newborn with a demanding toddler?

Sorry for all the questions, I'm so nervy about it all this time around. I just really, really want it to work out..

I paid for a doula to come and help, just a couple of hours. The NHS really don't have the resources to support especially if you're out within 6 hours of birth as I was.

It sounds like you switched to combi feeding before your milk had even really come in. Breastfeeding is all about supply and demand. Your baby sucking at your nipples tells your body the demand is there, and then your body makes the hormones to create the supply. That's why breastfed babies cluster feed in the early weeks.

You should let your baby feed directly from the breast as often as possible. At least every 3 hours in the first month or so, more often if they want to. Some women pump to increase their supply but I tend to think that if your baby is feeding enough from the breast that will be better to build your supply.

As for what to buy, I would focus on things which will be useful to you if you find breastfeeding painful in the early weeks (which is very common) and feel like giving up. Most women rave about the Lansinoh nipple cream. I personally didn't get on with it because I found it gummed up my nipples and made it harder for the milk to come out which meant my baby had to suck harder and it hurt more. Personally I found it was much better to just squeeze some milk onto my nipple and use it to moisturise after each feed. But you could try nipple cream and see if you like it, if you don't it makes a decent lip balm.

I would also get some nipple shields, but only use them if you're finding the breastfeeding very painful. I found them very helpful for a couple of weeks in the early days when every feed felt like a razor blade to the nipples. I would put one on and get the feed started, and then when the milk was flowing nicely I would quickly unlatch my baby and remove the nipple shield. It was still a bit painful but much less than at the beginning of the feed. I really think this saved my breastfeeding journey with my first baby.

I would also recommend getting a Haakaa or similar. You can wear it on the other breast during a feed to catch any leaking milk, and it's also great for any clogged ducts. You can fill it with very warm water and a spoonful of Epsom salts and put it on with your nipple in the warm water and it will gently draw the clog out of your nipple. My Haakaa saved the day a couple of times.

These were the things that helped me exclusively breastfeed my first baby for over 15 months.

My second baby got the hang of breastfeeding right away, I didn't need any of this stuff at all, and we are still going at 18 months.

Oh OP I'm so sorry that you weren't supported properly to breastfeed your first baby. You did the best you could with the resources you had but you deserved better!

Firstly, it's really important that you get expert help. There is so much misinformation out there around breastfeeding and I worry a bit about the advice you might get on here. Look for an IBCLC (international board certified lactation consultant) as they are the most qualified to support. You can get a session before your baby is here to debrief on your previous experience and answer all those questions you have to feel prepared. Then you'll be able to have follow ups when baby is here. I am still breastfeeding my 2yo but it wouldn't have happened for me without multiple lactation consultant appointments.

https://lcgb.org/find-an-ibclc/

Secondly, if you have Instagram, there are several IBCLCs mythbusting and giving loads of fantastic information for free. Follow them from now, and look back at their previous posts and you will learn so much.

https://www.instagram.com/hannahcroftibclc?igsh=MWhxenE0bHRseHIxMQ==

https://www.instagram.com/olivia_lactation_consultant?igsh=MXBhZGJsZXlvaG95Nw==

https://www.instagram.com/lucywebberfeedingsupport_ibclc?igsh=MXh4cHMxZHRxNXAxYg==

https://www.instagram.com/kathrynstaggibclc?igsh=bjBpZjljYnI5cm5m

I will briefly answer your questions here based on what I have learned from IBCLCs, though I appreciate the irony of me saying go to the experts and then answering myself!

1. Don't buy a pump in advance - there are loads of different types suited to different needs (i.e. hospital grade double pump for upping supply, manual pump for occasional bottles, handsfree pump for more than occasional) and you don't know what that will be. And you may never need one!

1. Take care with creams - lanolin is often recommended but apparently it is not uncommon to develop an allergy. Most seem to recommend using breastmilk on sore nipples and maybe silver cups (but not too much). With shields, again, you may never need them and if you think you do, best to have IBCLC support in that situation.

1. How do you know you're doing it right is a complex question! There are lots of reasons for babies to be unsettled and cluster feeding (literally hours of non stop feeding) can make you feel like there's something wrong when it's actually a really normal process for babies to adjust your supply. Learn as much as you can about normal baby feeding behaviour and you'll know what to expect and trust your instincts to ask for help if you feel like it's not normal.

1. Support - IBCLCs, look for a breastfeeding support group in your area, get the people around you on board, helplines like the national breastfeeding helpline. Take care with potential misinformation thst you might hear from well-meaning people.

1. Buying formula - depends on your situation. Could you get some formula if you really needed it or do you live in the back of beyond? Take care with topping up with formula - again one for IBCLC support - as your breasts work on supply and demand so it can mean your supply doesn't increase in line with your baby's needs. They can support with increasing your supply and a plan for returning to exclusively breastfeeding (if that's what you want).

1. Absolutely doable to breastfeed a newborn with a toddler. Not saying this from personal experience but two friends of mine are doing this right now. I've heard people say that it's easier in some ways because breastfeeding usually gives you a hand free to do something with your toddler where bottle feeding usually needs two hands. Of course, you still need the right support.

Wishing you all the best OP and really hope you are supported to meet your breastfeeding goals this time round.

My failure to breastfeed my first child was a source of immense sadness for me. He was in the NICU and tube fed and I believe it disrupted our breastfeeding relationship. Also as a new mother I was terrified that he was hungry which was stressful too. He never really latched and became very distressed at the breast so I pumped and pumped, my supply waned and I topped him up with formula. It was of course all fine in the end but when I had my second I knew I wanted to feed him myself. We didn't have any initial separation which I think made a huge difference. I put him to the breast whenever he showed any interest or cried at all, and he instinctively knew how to latch. I learned to correct his latch when it was painful, I weathered thrush which really hurt but the thing that made a huge impact was keeping him skin to skin as much as possible. I also had the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding as my bible. I nursed him for 6 years.