Baby won’t take breast anymore

[Mum7644885]

My 8 week old has stopped wanting to breastfeed and prefers the bottle and I’m gutted to say the least.

We were originally breastfeeding and then she was having 1 expressed bottle of milk a day but recently, she either won’t feed on the breast or feeds for 5 minutes and gets frustrated and stops, but then will take a bottle no issue.

Im currently offering boob, expressing milk and offering 1 bottle of formula a day. It’s gotten super complicated and I can’t work out how I can exclusively pump, I have another child to take care of and when I’m on my own with the baby she wants constant contact naps and isn’t awake very long betwrrn naps so no idea when I’d pump unless I listen to her cry whilst I do it, plus I’m getting sore from pumping all the time. My heart is trying to figure out a way but my head is saying just switch to formula.

Im torn because it’s really not what I want, I feel really upset about it and gutted my baby isn’t enjoying breastfeeding with me, same time, I’m getting stressed with all the constant sanitising, planning pumping in, dealing with breast refusal. It’s just not how I’d hoped this would go, has any one else experienced similar ?

My first and I had a great bond over breastfeeding and it was like my super power, i could always soothe her with the boob but that just isn’t the case this time round. I worked so hard the first few weeks to establish things and just sad it’s probably over.

Not sure the fact I know this is my last baby is also making things worse and causing me to feel more upset.

Why the thought to stop breastfeeding instead of stopping offering a bottle? I think you've got into a complicated mix of things and you could just simplify things by concentrating on breastfeeding only.

Can you get anyone around to help with your other child, so you can focus solely on breastfeeding? Or can your partner/husband do more with your older child so you can focus on baby?

Is there a specific reason you were pumping to start off with? I’d be tempted (if you can) to go cold turkey and only offer the boob. Try different positions like standing up etc. Another option is to try to make it easier for her and use nipple shields that would be slightly more bottle like?

Baby’s had 8 weeks of breast milk. You’ve tried all other options- why not just make it easy on you and baby and switch to formula.

To clarify, exclusive breastfeeding is not an option for me.

I want to still be able to do things for my first child, simple things like nursery pick up that mean the world to her and therefore, I need milk available for my parter to feed with. She is quite an unsettled baby and feeding is the only thing that really settles her and my partner needs milk available when I’m not there as an option. Ironically, it’s the bottle that settles her, not the breast.

I have help sometimes, not that often though and my partner works through the week.

I want to be able to go out the house for an hour or two by myself, with my partner and first child etc and not be panicking that a family member is potentially without a feeding looking after the baby. (This is not that often btw but still want the option)

It’s my personal preference, I understand others are different but being the sole feeder is not an option for my family.

Yes it has gotten super complicated. My first born happily jumped from breast to bottle but with both of them, it’s always been predominantly breast, and maybe 1 bottle per day. I naively thought second would be the same but not the case.

@Whatevershallidowithmylife yes, well that is the advice I would give myself, just struggling to take it and didn’t imagine making the swap at 8 weeks

If your baby is healthy and has no weight concerns, I would go cold turkey and stop offering a bottle.

They'll eat if they are hungry and you obviously have enough supply.

Probably the bottle is easier and like all humans, your Bub would prefer the lazy option. Take it off the table for a few weeks. Then reintroduce the bottle if it helps you.

I exclusively breastfed my eldest for 14 months. He was obsessed. My second didn't care for it in the same way at all. I felt incredibly guilty about it but slowly moved him over to formula from 7 weeks. Quite slowly. A bottle at a time. It took a few months as I was lazy and would breastfeed at night so I didn't have to get up and make bottles.

Anyway formula was 100% the right move for this second child. There just wasn't time for constant feeding, pumping etc. It's entirely ok to do what's best for you as an entire family.

I felt guilty for a while, I did it for the oldest, why can't I do it for the second etc, probably why I took the transition so slowly. I now feel zero guilt. And he's developed faster than the first, is less sick and has no allergies like DS1. I'm not saying formula did that, just that it's had no detrimental impact. You find other ways to soothe and bond.

It’s hot and you are not feeding in a predictable measured way so I would imagine your supply is all over the place. I’d offer a bottle if you want to at a set time each day (if you want to) and breast feed all the rest of the time. Drink more so you are well hydrated and eat and out your feet up as much as you can to get your supply to improve. Fundamentally if you want to do it you can, but if really you’d like to stop and bottle feed that would work too.

Ist child breast fed for 6mths, 2nd child breast fed 3mths then just wasn't interested and bottle fed. Both now strapping lads. You have tried your best, just go with the ( bottle) flow.

Op I would switch to the bottle. If your baby is happy then it might be easier all round x

My babies did lots of popping on and off seemingly upset, but it was to try and get the milk flowing. It's a way to build supply. She's also learning that if she fusses enough then the fast flowing milk comes soon, which it does because she gets a bottle.

Some suggestions - I would reduce the offer of a bottle to once a day, rather than as top ups. And make sure you have the slowest flow teat and are paced feeding. Getting someone else to do the bottle feed might help too. Also maybe try some breast compression as she's feeding, and some massage before so she isn't having to work so hard initially to get the milk flowing. Offer the breast as soon as she shows signs of wanting to feed, so then when she does she isn't all grumpy and hangry.

But get some breastfeeding support. I honestly believe breastfeeding is much less difficult when you have some peer support. But also know it's absolutely OK to switch to formula if that's what you want.

deciding to end breastfeeding is big and can create a whole host of emotions. Particularly if it doesn’t solve the issue or if it feels forced in some way.

Before deciding please seek out some qualified support. Ring the NCT Infant feeding helpline or national breastfeeding helpline. Look up your local in person support group and go along.

From reading your post though I wonder how you’re feeling about going from a family of 3 to 4?.

some people find that transition harder than they though. Lots of guilt around the sudden change in relationship with the older child.

It can help to remember that this is a season of your life, and like all seasons, it will change. For now your focus might have to be on the youngest (however you feed them) but slowly that balance will return and a new normal reached.

I agree that you need to establish. breast feeding and then go with the occasional bottle again if you want breast feeding to continue.

I have a few friends who have had similar; the first baby is happy to go between breast and bottle, but the second isn't- and seems to either entirely refuse breast or entirely refuse bottle.
I hope you can decide on a way forward that suits you all OP.
And remember in a years time, it will all seem significantly less of a big deal how he fed than it does now.

Hi All, thanks for the messages !

With regards to going cold turkey, I’m too nervous to do that, the other day i was out, she was due a feed and would not take the breast, screamed and screamed, it was awful, got home and had to give a bottle, she took it straight away. So she will point blank refuse the breast even if very hungry. I can’t take that chance.

Going from 1 to 2 children has been a major juggling act and I had a lot of guilt at first for both of them, it’s better now but k actually have more guilt for the baby, and breastfeeding was our little thing that helped us connect, hence why I’m so sad about her not wanting to do it anymore.

@Whentwobecomesthree thanks for your post !! Very similar situation and your experience has made me feel better.

I haven’t figured out what’s best to do, baby stills breastfeeds of a night and early morning, she just won’t in the day, wish my supply would stick around for the night but I know if I don’t feed or pump in the day it will drop off.

I Know I’ll look back on this and think wow I gave myself a hard time, probs my hormones not helping things.

Please ring one of the helplines. They will listen to you and then can give information to achieve what you decide to do.

I’m wondering how did this resolve for you in the end. I have a nine week old snd I’m in similar position just refused the breast but I’m our case there is possible allergies since she is very gassy and refluxy, will take a bottle any time but keeps screaming at the breast except for night time feeds. I wouldn’t ming going with the bottle but the tought of allergies and special formulas is just horrible. But also this struggle of breastfeeding is bringing me down so much, don’t know what to do. Would like to know how did your situation resolve did baby go back to the breast at the end. I can’t express just don’t react to pumps snd I tried several I can hand express but it is painful and really not the route I want to with since my mom had breast cancer. Your answer would be appreciated I know it has been a while since then. Thanks

@Mybaby2024 Hi, I’m so sorry to hear your having similar troubles !! My baby is 10 months now and it seems like a distant memory but it was really tough at the time. So I kept trying to latch her and like yours, she ended up only feeding’s of a night, but then of course my supply started to dip because I wasnt feeding enough so started becoming worried that my overnight feed wasn’t enough for her. I’ll be honest, I struggled so much over this decision and eventually just weaned her onto formula and bottle fed her, by about 4 months she was bottle fed formula. Part of me wishes I went cold turkey on the bottles and would have just kept on trying at the breast so she had no alternative but knowing her and her personality type, I just think she preferred the ease of the bottle, she just didn’t take to breastfeeding the way my first did, she is a very high energy, zero chill child 😂. I could have battled it all out, but honestly, I didn’t have the mental space or the energy, it was serious tough times with my second and I did at the time what I needed to survive a pretty brutal time.

My daughter was crazzzzy gassy, she would scream for hours of a night and that was when I was breastfeeding, that wasn’t even the formula, for us, I think all of her wind, stomach upset etc was just her digestive system maturing, there were no allergies etc.

Few questions for you:

Are there any other signs of allergy with your little one aside from the stomach upset etc ?

Have you been to see a lactation consultation for some advice and help ? My latch wasn’t deep enough in the beginning which meant my daughter was only getting the foremilk which was adding to the gas build up. A nice deep latch means more hindmilk which is thicker and better for baby’s tum.

Did the feeding issues start when you introduced a bottle ?

Do they have all the wind etc when you breastfeed, bottle/formula feed, or both ?

Aww thank you so much for replying, she slips of all the time I don’t think she has deep latch either land also I think she just gets foremilk too. Today was a really hard day for us she didn’t want to latch from morning till afternoon and I tried going cold turkey but as you said for your little one she is a very strong willed and I gave in this afternoon and gave her a bottle since she didn’t sleep all day. Managed to latch her on finally as she was waking up from the nap she took after the bottle but once she woke up she wouldn’t have anything with me anymore she just doesn’t have the orients to wait for the let down. I think we are at the end of the road of breastfeeding too and as much as it saddens me like you said I don’t have in me anymore to fight her. I’m not sure about allergies she is gassy regardless bottle or breast. It is possible I suppose. I am at the point that I’m getting scared of feeding times. It’s just sad. The breast refusal started as she got older since we did bottle from start since she wasn’t gaining much weight and my milk didn’t come in until the fifth day. I hope you feel ok now and do not regret your decision and not going cold turkey trust me I did it today and it was a hell. I’ll try breastfeeding at night and I’ll see how long that will last I know that supply will be afected soon enough but you can not force a child to breastfeed if they do not want. I really hope that she does not have any allergies really really hope, because with the way it is going formula will be the day feeds I can not have another day like this I feel like I went trough the war today I’m shuttered and it’s only 7pm. Thank you again for replying so fast.

MY situation (i.e might not be yours for multiple reasons, so I'm typing it in case it's useful, ignore it if it isn't!) For a while early on I was in your situation breast/bottle/pumping. I didn't find latch easy and my nipples got very sore, so I did a combination to give them a break. It was very hard and breastfeeding was really hard. A lot of this I think was my sore nipples, and giving them a break (so feeding every 6 hours, not 3, helped. However yes, it did confuse my baby. He would not suck well on the nipple because the bottle was easier. Pumping helped my supply but hindered his latch a lot. In the end I moved to fully breastfeeding. From my experience you may have to decided that either you want to bottle feed (formula, or breast, or both) or you need to reorganise your life so that you can breastfeed all the time. I chose the latter and it got much easier after a few weeks of no bottles. I am NOT knocking you, or any mum for not breastfeeding, but I think it maybe that you do have to either decide it's so important to you that you are there for all feeds, or it's not worth the upset to other routines/situations, so you will bottle feed. Sorry I can't give you a "well do X,Y,Z and mixed feeding will work beautifully", but I genuinely can't!

@Mybaby2024 Firstly you just need to acknowledge everything you have done so far and all the hard work you have put in and whatever you decide is the best decision for you and your baby !! No one knows where you are at or truly your head space, you can and will make the best decision for you both, you have given your baby an amazing start, so please feel no guilt if you decide to move to the bottle, your baby will be fed and that is the most important thing. If you do decide to continue with breastfeeding, reach out for as much help as possible, groups, lack consults etc but if you don’t, don’t worry about it.

If your baby is gassy with both formula/bottle and breast, their system is probably just trying to mature and with time, it will get better but obvs if there are other signs, such as rashes etc get it checked out but gassiness and discomfort is very normal in both bottle and breast fed children.

I will also say that your baby’s character is a big part in your journey, my first breastfed no issue and also took bottles of expressed milk - no issues, switched back and forth quite happily and therefore I thought It would be the same second time around - it wasn’t, because they are different characters.

I hope you reach a decision that works for you and I will add, I was tearing myself apart when I wrote the original post, honestly I shed sooo many tears over my breastfeeding journey, I honestly think I mourned it for 3 months ! And you know what, my baby is 10 months old, she is strong, happy (and a bit wild haha) and I have ZERO regrets over the decision I made now, it was right for us, so try not to over think it, sending you lots of positivity and hoping tomorrow is a better day for you x

Hi I really wouldn’t mind to have breastfeed full time, especially after spending anyway countless evenings of cluster feeds earlier on, but she wasn’t gaining much weight on breast only so bottle had to stay either way. We have a problem now thst she will scream at the breast keep popping on and off even when hungry. She does seem to have reflux and it has lots to do with the fact that she is very gasy and it’s causing her pain. But I have to keep the bottle regardless. I’m really glad you managed to go to fully breastfeeding it is amazing thst you managed. My first child ended up in hospital with jaundice due to lack of fluids in the first week, my milk comes in quite late after delivery, I didn’t give him any t formula in thst period so we ended back up in hospital and had to stay for few days under the lights and on fluids so I couldn’t even take him out for feeds. I was told at the release from hospital to top him up after breastfeeding to clear his jaundice quicker. That was all very traumatic for me and with this baby I had to introduce formula until my milk came in, afterwords I stopped but she wasn’t gaining weight so again bottle had to stay.

Thank you so much for your kind words and I completely understand how you must of felt at the time. I cry and feel like crying all the time. Your kind words and encouragement means a lot. I wish they could talk snd let us know what they want or ward bothering them. I would love to carry on breastfeeding her but I can not listen to her cry’s and screams thinking she is hungry and I’m being just strong minded trying to breastfeed and she is genuinely hungry. I don’t even mind giving her bottle but even after bottle she is gassy and keeps bringing up milk after feeds with acid so it is bothering her, then she would behave like she wants to feed again, either for comfort or to soothe the pain but would scream if I try breastfeeding her. I in constant state of worry is she hungry or not, is she crying from gas, reflux or hunger because she would route snd put her hands in her mouth but scream at the breast. I really hope tomorrow is a better day. I have no idea what will happen and it scares me. Gp prescribed meds for reflux but after reading side effects I’m reluctant to start but it might be the only option to see if it will improve the feeding. I just want her to be comfortable and fed which ever way she is fed. It is so cute thst your little one is a bit of a wild one. They are so precious.

It's really really hard. Sorry it's being this hard for you. I hope whatever you decide that you settle into it and your baby thrives

Some babies won’t combi feed. They will develop a preference- usually for the bottle as it’s easier.

if end isn't going to work for you then it’s bottle feeding. Work on accepting it, it’s a perfectly valid choice.

@Mybaby2024

Please do consider contacting your health visitor and requesting an appointment with the feeding specialist. I think GPs are pretty useless, they just prescribe meds and they don’t always help. I didn’t think the BF specialist could help me but she did tell me info I didn’t know and had I saw her earlier, it might have helped. All the feeding issues you describe are very similar to what I had with number 2 and honestly it does get better, their little tums start to figure it out so regardless of whether you BF or bottle, it will improve, probably sooner than you think but please do speak to some one to get as much info and help as possible, don’t be by yourself, it’s isolating at the best of times having a newborn but feeding issues can cause so much worry and anxiety for new mums xx