Breastfeeding toddler makes me angry

[spiderplantmum]

It's so slurpy and fidgety. I get so angry at it (toddler would never know). Currently breastfeeding and it's 1) so sore because she keeps sucking on and off and kicking about and 2) the slurping noises are so irritating. I know I can stop any time but I don't want to.

Just venting.

I stopped when mine was biting my nipple and pulling off. At this point he had teeth and was eating 3 meals a day, so I wasn’t carrying on!

The thought of all the things you described are enough to make me twitch with anger. I couldn’t continue at that point. Bit of you strongly feel you want to continue good on you for working through it.

Genuine question: why are you putting yourself through that?

It sure sounds like you want to stop!

Then stop. I’m a fan of extended breastfeeding - I fed mine until they were 2.5/ the little one almost 3, but extended breastfeeding is a two way thing. At the point where it’s not working for you, then you either need to introduce some feeding rules or draw a line underneath it all.

Ah, it is so tough. People saying 'just stop' but it isn't always easy. When the child wants it still so much, it comes with guilt to try to stop. I'm still going with my nearly 2 and a half year old. I've managed to replace it with water at night as 'milk has gone to sleep', but he has it in the morning and going to bed.

What's preventing you from stopping? Guilt?

I felt that way in jan-march of this year and my colleague said "just stop, it will be ok". I did stop and I can't believe it went to much better than what I had envisioned in my head.

Feelings of anger and frustration can be an important indicator your boundaries are being crossed. It's OK for you to place limits on, stop or cut down breastfeeding in a way you feel comfortable with.

Just stop ... you sound a bit weak if you won't stop ... would you put up with any other behaviour that you don't enjoy and was painful and uncomfortable? Don't be a martyr, it's great that you've breastfed for so long but there's nothing wrong with stopping now.

To put it bluntly, your DC would cope if you were rushed into hospital or worse.

Maybe it's nature's way of saying to stop

God I know how you feel. My toddler is doing the whole trying to do it upside down. And he's a nipple fiddler drives me batty.

My nipples are currently a little cracked and very sad looking 🤣

Why put yourself through this when it’s not necessary? Maybe it’s nature’s way of telling you your job is done.

Ds is very soon 1 and I am just wondering how long I must continue with this! She loves her milk but now is twisting and pulling and she drinks all night . It’s meaning I can’t sleep. But because I work full time ( apparently awful and so cruel ) I feel I must continue to breastfeed out of guilt and worrying we will los sour bond . But I’m just wondering if it’s becoming too stressful. I know baby loves her milk and screams for it so can’t imagine how hard it just be to stop it. I’m aiming to stop by 18 months .

How old? And how much/often does she feed?

I fed DD1 until she was over 2. But once she was over one it was just first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Maybe if she was unwell I'd have done it overnight but as a rule, I didn't.

Obviously you can stop now - but since you've said you don't want to, I'd try and put some boundaries in, depending on what she's currently doing eg stopping the overnight feeds, just stopping the feed if she's messing around/hurting you.

Please don't worry about your bond.

I fed DD1 until she was 2 and a bit, and DD2 until she turned 1 (and she was combi fed from 7 months which DD1 never was). Like you I work full time. There is absolutely no difference at all in my bond with DD1 compared to DD2. And with both of them there was no difference in my bond with them while breastfeeding vs after I stopped.

Sounds like nursing aversion. It happened to me twice, both times I was pregnant again.
It's a horrible feeling, in both cases when I told them to stop they did and it wasn't a problem at all. Good luck 🤞🏻

I think it’s hormonal/nature.

with my first I had nursing aversion and stopped at 18m because I didn’t like how the dread was affecting our relationship.

I’m currently 8 months BF and notice the same happens for a day when I’m on period. I won’t stop yet but baby does get EBM on those days.

Thanks for your answers, I definitely think it's a breastfeeding aversion. She's 2.5 now so the magical hormones have certainly worn off (I think they probably did when she was about 7 or 8 months to be honest...), so now it's just the reality of having someone hang off your boob! I only really carry on because it's just part of the routine, not because I'm particularly attached to doing it so I think it's probably time to just make it official.

@Sux2buthen we are trying and I'm due to take a test tomorrow so who knows! Maybe that's the culprit.

@YellowHairband I think the only reason I don't want to is because it's just part of our routine. But routines can be changed, right?

Here are two things that can be true at the same time: you want to stop but you don't want it to be over.

What you're experiencing is breast feeding aversion. I had it with my toddler too. In the end I stopped because I had begun to hate it. But I still found it hard and had mixed feelings about it.

Ooh good luck 🤞🏻
I remember the feeling of my skin crawling it was horrible

Definitely. And if you don't want to change everything you can work on reducing the frequency of feeds first. Or stop completely - depends which you think might work best for you and for her.

I notice you said you're trying for another baby - my DD was a similar age to yours and weaned herself off completely while I was in the early weeks of pregnancy with DD2, so it might resolve itself soon anyway.

@spiderplantmum how are you finding things now? I'm in the exact situation with my 2yo whilst in my second trimester.

I don't want it to end but I get the serious ick/rage when night feeding and I worry I'm not being very kind to DC. I've tried setting boundaries but DC just gets inconsolable.

I fed all three of mine until they were 12 months. I felt like I’d done my very best for them but I had had enough.

You’ve had enough @spiderplantmum ! Just stop FFS.