When to give up breastfeeding and go to formula?

[Frenchyfren]

My baby is 13 days old and was born 5 weeks early. He has been breastfeeding since day 1 (topped up with donor breast milk for the first 48 hours in hospital). I was then pumping and topping him up with 30-40ml of expressed milk after each feed on the breast.

I had a lactation consultant come on Monday who ruled out tongue tie etc. She helped with positioning for a better latch and for the first time I could hear him properly gulping the breast milk. She also advised me to do compressions when feeding to encourage him to take the milk. On Monday we had a great day feeding.

It’s gone downhill since then. Baby fed ok during the day yesterday and slept for 2-2.5 hour stretches in between. Last night was awful with him waking up every 45 mins or so for a feed, I couldn’t hear him gulping the milk so I suspect he wasn’t getting what he needed. He was then falling asleep on the breast and wouldn’t always rouse to go on the next breast and would therefore wake up again soon after for another feed.

I always said I didn’t want to sacrifice my mental health for breastfeeding which I know probably sounds selfish. But I don’t function well on broken sleep and I know that I will end up glued to the house making sure baby is feeding during the day if it continues this way.

I’d really appreciate some advice please!

I too had the “Then it just clicked and baby got it”
DS was zonked with opioids from delivery- ( I regret those)
and was so sleepy 😴 initially-
He wouldn’t latch properly- but when it did “Just click “ It all became easy and effortless.

It seemed impossible at the beginning.

My first was an excellent feeder and hardly lost any weight after birth but even he fed for 10-15 mins and slept for 45 of every single hour day and night, I found the first 4 weeks were torture never getting more than 45 mins sleep at a time but by 6 weeks he was doing 2 3hr blocks of sleep overnight and we really turned a corner, I fed him til 16 months.

I'm a couple of weeks away from having my second and this time we're going to combo feed so dad can do a couple of bottles in the evening and try and get me a good few hours sleep in a row.

If you want to switch to formula that's totally a valid choice, I just remember worrying so much about feeding in the early weeks and knowing what's totally normal is reassuring and it sounds like you both are doing really well!

Thank you, his feeding is better again today. I always feel better after a good nap.

Another question, is it worth introducing a dummy to soothe baby at night time? Or will this affect his feeding?

I can’t say I ever heard Ds ‘gulping’ down milk. He was solely bf until 6 months and then fed until 18 months.

He often fed every hr some nights. And daytime never went more than 90mins-2hrs. They feed often

Frequent feeding is very normal and it's not always obvious how much milk they are drinking. It sounds like breastfeeding is going fine if it's what you want to do.

Switching to formula doesn't guarantee that.your baby will feed less often or sleep more. Obviously it does mean that you can share the feeds. That may or may not be an advantage depending on what support you've got from other people.

I was always told not to, and that it would.

Personally I did introduce a dummy with both children within a few days and it had no impact on breastfeeding either time. I did always feed first at night like, the dummy was just used if I'd fed both sides and they still weren't settled. It definitely helped and I really do believe both my kids were decent sleepers due to the dummy more than anything else! Youngest is 2.5 and still has his overnight.

Breastfeeding nearly broke me more than once and in the end did break me.

For me this was when I was backed into a position where I had no option to breastfeed. My daughter has multiple food allergies and my GP gave up finding a formula suitable for her after prescribing 3 with a known allergen in. By the time we did get a formula by seeing a private paediatrician she had a fairly severe bottle aversion. It took an admission to a mother and baby unit and baby spending a few days to get her one to formula. She's a terrible sleeper and being breastfed, formula fed, oat milk fed and having no drinks overnight night have not changed this. Out of the 4 options by far the hardest on little sleep was the formula feeding.

That said, I want to go back to my first point. It was hardest when I felt I didn't have a choice. You can breastfeed as much or as little is good for you and baby as a complete unit. If a bottle of formula a week or a day gives you some breathing space do this. You could do it for a few weeks or the rest of time.

Breastfeeding for me was made so incredibly difficult by my daughters reflux. She only fed for very short periods and had feeding aversions which caused repeated bottle aversions. The food allergies also manifested as feeding aversions she fed for as little as she needed to satisfy the immediate hunger but as feeding caused her pain she didn't take a full feed. There was a difficult period where her feeds reduced to 5-10 seconds!
I then ended up on a ridiculous diet with dozens and dozens of foods removed trying to identify all 20 allergies. Ultimately it was too difficult and we only completed the list after I stopped breastfeeding.

I believe my daughter has a mild tongue tie that was missed by 3 feeding assessments. She has very good movement in and out but she can't lift the middle of her tongue to the roof of her mouth.

Keep a detailed diary for a few days of how she is feeding, I would try to persevere with mostly breastfeeding for me I think I would have been able to breastfeed for longer and not have ended up in hospital if I had been able to get combifeeding to work. We tried for about 2 months before I was admitted. It would have given me that bit of space for rest and the burden to be taken from me and breastfeeding would have become a choice again and keeping the benefits of not having to preplan feeds when out and about not having to deal with preparing bottles in the middle of the night and ensuring it was the right temperature. The plus for formula was my partner taking her every Saturday and Sunday morning whilst I slept in which has formed our routine and still happens nows she's nearly 4 and no longer on formula!

It’s always your choice but honestly I would think about switching to formula. I had a similar experience to you and drove myself to psychosis because I was so determined to BF. I had extremely severe mental health issues and no way of resolving them because I was always feeding and got no sleep. The day I switched to formula it changed EVERYTHING. love spending time with my baby now, not psychotic or depressed. Bottle feeding isn’t as hard as it seems at first, becomes second nature eventually making them.

I don’t want to seem like I’m anti breastfeeding or whatever, I’m not, I’m pro sanity. If you’re feeling yourself slipping, you must do what’s best for you.

That’s awful @Al991 - poor you. Psychosis is rare and affects a tiny proportion of new mothers - 1 in 1000, and usually develops in the first 2 weeks after giving birth (which OP is past). So it’s vanishingly unlikely that your experience is relevant here.

He may also have been waking for comfort rather than from hunger for at least some of those Wakes.

The Mama Coach on Instagram is really good on this stuff.

I know a day feels like years when you have a newborn but try not to make any kneejerk decision based on one night.

Each to their own. You are doing your best. Formula or breast? 30 years down the line, it won't matter.

it’s not about who is and isn’t psychotic 🙄 it’s about putting not feeling like crap first. Whatever decision is going to make you feel less shit, go for that one OP!

I had a similar experience to you and drove myself to psychosis

Maybe not intentional but this seemed quite scaremongering to me. Important to reassure the OP that there is a very large gulf between “feeling like crap” and “being psychotic”.

When baby's feed for comfort the latch tends to be shallower compared to the quick frenzied feed of the foremilk for hydration and the long slow sucks of the hind milk to 'fill' them up.

The cluster feeding is normal. Broken night sleep is also normal. The thing about breastfeeding is it makes you stop and rest so even if you are not sleeping you are resting. Being 'confined' to your house is fairly normal at this stage although if you are up for feeding out and about go for it - I always found the library a great place to sit and feed

Bit of a sweeping statement there. All babies are different. My bf baby slept through the night at 4 weeks.

People should do what works for them and not be guilt tripped into anything.

The NCT has a lot to answer for.

OP hasn’t said anything about the NCT or about being guilt tripped.

The problem with threads about feeding is that people can’t help but bring all of their own baggage into every conversation about it and just project massively. It’s such an emotive topic with words like “guilt”, “shame”, “judgment” being thrown about all the time so it’s totally understandable that many people struggle to be objective, but none of that is really helpful to anyone else.