How to not react to breastfeeding 'jokes'

[Ivyrosecrayon]

I have a difficult relationship with my mother. I try to keep it quite 'grey rock'
She is disabled and lives close to me so I unfortunately see her quite a lot. I meet her for a coffee with my kids (who love her) once a week for an hour.
I have a 4mo exclusively breastfed baby and two other primary aged children.
My mum constantly makes 'jokes' about me breastfeeding the baby.
The one she does most is 'bitty' from little Britain (I wish that program had never been made) but she also constantly makes comments like 'mummy is starving you' 'grandma would give you some rusks if she was allowed' whenever my baby cries.
I know not to react at all as my mum loves an argument. She thrives off upsetting people.
But it's really getting to me. I think the 4mo sleep regression isn't helping! I'm ratty as it is. It's hard not to just yell at her to F off. The Bitty 'jokes' irritate me the most because it makes it seem so disgusting.. I never usually feel self conscious breastfeeding in public but when she says stuff like that it makes me feel like other people think it's disgusting.. which I know is not usually true but it does get to me.
Any tips for not letting this get me down?
Does anyone else have older family members who they have to put up with making comments like this?
I haven't let it stop me breastfeeding when she's around. I breastfeed on demand whenever my baby needs it. I won't let some comments stop me. I could just do without the irritation!!

Tell her if she makes one more shitty bitty joke then she’ll not see you and the kids again until you or your baby are done with breastfeeding.

And then when she does it again, get up and leave with the kids. Feed the baby in the car if need be.

I think some people have a lot of baggage when it comes to the issue of breastfeeding and sadly for some it will come out as scorn when seeing a mum do it. This is her problem not yours.

That's what I'd do if it were an ordinary person... I'd just not continue to meet them.. but I feel like I've got to a point where I see my mum for this small amount of time each week and that benefits my kids. As they like 'grandma' or maybe the idea of having a grandma! But it's a controlled situation where they aren't alone with her.. they just get bought a milkshake and show her what they made at school.. and it's all fine.
I don't want there to be drama. I feel like she enjoys drama but I find it incredibly stressful.
So hard to just let things go over your head when you are working on 4 hours sleep a night!

I presume she failed to breastfeed you, so that's why she's getting her little digs in.
I'd stop going to see her.

That's true. I feel like a lot of snide comments she makes come out of her taking it as a personal insult if I do anything differently to how she did it.. also a kind of jealousy. Her own mother was a very challenging person. I also think she had untreated pnd when she had me. It's just really sad.
I wish she wasn't so childish as to take everything I do as an attack on her.. but I feel like something went wrong for her in regards to bonding with me a long time a go and there's no way to fix it. Believe me I've tried.
Best I can do is not get drawn in to reacting.

You can model for your kids what to do when people are inappropriate

At the moment you are modelling 'putting up with shit because she's related to me/don't want to cause a scene.

Next time say loudly- mum, that's a rubbish thing to say about feeding the baby. Stop using inappropriate adult humour in front of the children or we'll have to go home.

Plan a nice treat for the kids - sorry kids, we have to go but I've got popcorn ready at home and we can watch a movie together etc

Next time organise a BBQ- come on kids, let's go and do our bbq. Who wants marshmallows?

She gets to see you once a week for an hour. If she can't keep her crappy jokes to herself for an hour then she doesn't value her GC very highly.

I think some people in general can't help but see a person doing something differently to how they did it as an insult. You can't ever win with someone that does that.

Do you think the kids hearing you been undermined and doing nothing about it is benifical to them?

No but neither is constant bickering and drama..
I don't think they notice the comments tbh.. theyve never seen little Britain, they wouldn't know what she was on about. They just nettle me.
I've had it in the past where I just look like the uptight bad guy because its 'just a joke'
I feel like I seem permanently irritable and cross and I can't be bothered looking like that in front of my kids..
I've also been trying to teach my son not to get pulled into petty drama at school etc
I don't know. I wish she wasn't like this. What's the point of it?

Just ignore gthe comments completely and change the subject. She wants a rise out of you but don’t bother to give it to her.

long term you’ll need to be careful with how much you expose the children to her. They will soon realise how toxic she is without you spelling things out.

Sorry but I’d do what was previously suggested. As long as you’ve made it very clear that you do not want her to make these comments then let her know to stop them otherwise you’ll be unable to continue meeting her. She sounds awful.

Bingo card?

Timer?

Star chart?

'Right, mum, you made it to, oh, three minutes without saying bitty. Well done.'

For minimum drama, you could just think it rather than say it. But an actual star chart might be more fun.

I did tell my brother to fuck off when he did the bitty joke. Can't stand Walliams now.

I agree with others that letting her say these things with no challenge is not good for your kids to watch. Politely telling her it is inappropriate and refusing to rise to an argument seems a good way forward. Easier said than done of course.

Can you say, plainly and undramatically, 'I don't like it when you say that'?

If that fails, squirt milk at her!