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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

breastfeeding - not a problem more a future concern maybe

14 replies

Freddie15VES · 19/06/2024 15:28

so i’ll just start by saying i love breastfeeding honestly i do, it works for us and i don’t want to stop by any means

but what im struggling with slightly is baby (4 months old) uses just me for comfort. she can’t seem to settle when she’s with her dad, some days like today for example i couldn’t get her to nap longer than 30 mins unless she’s on my boob using me to settle when she stirs - so yes i’m just sat with a tit out 🙃 luckily home all day waiting for an 8-8pm delivery window for partners bike

but i’m concerned that im letting baby get into bad habits and that ill never have any free time to myself. i’ve started going back to work 1 day a week and she’s okay for the first couple of hours but then overtiredness hits and she’s inconsolable on my partner and the only thing that will settle her is my boob when she’s like that! she’ll take a bottle when she’s hungry no problem so i’m not worried about that bit, but she will not have a dummy especially if she’s worked up and upset it just makes it worse!

so im just wondering has anyone got any advice for me? i want to try to nip these bad habits in the bud before im walking around with a baby attached to my boob for the next 12 months. im hoping to start putting her down for naps in her next to me as she has a very loud 3 year old brother so will sleep much better up there but obviously i can’t be sat for hours waiting for her to fall into a deep sleep before i put her down whilst her brother is downstairs!

OP posts:
Brightandbreezey · 19/06/2024 15:41

Firstly, this isn’t a ‘bad habit’ it’s just what babies do instinctively. It makes sure milk supply keeps coming and is a lovely way for baby to connect with mum. That being said in a modern world it can be hard to facilitate this!!
My DD was the same but they do grow out of it. She is now 16 months and only feeds once before a nap in the day and at night still.
A dummy was invented to replicate the nipple. I have never used one for my LO but it could be an option for you?
How we got round the settling was baby wearing. DD would settle and sleep beautifully in a sling for DP. Could your partner start wearing a sling? It provides the closeness and comfort for your DD!

Aquamarine1029 · 19/06/2024 15:45

i want to try to nip these bad habits in the bud before im walking around with a baby attached to my boob for the next 12 months

A four month old doesn't have bad habits. She needs this from you.

Original poster
Freddie15VES · 19/06/2024 19:51

thanks both - i think we’re just conditioned to think that your baby needing/wanting you like this is a ‘bad habit’ so to speak

OP posts:
Brightandbreezey · 19/06/2024 19:58

Absolutely we have! Sorry if it came across like a criticism… I meant it more as a reassurance you’re not doing anything wrong!
Are you working for home? Could you have a break when DD is due a nap, breastfeed roll she’s sleepy and transfer to a sling with DP? This used to work so well for us but DD went in a sling with DP from newborn so she was used to it. Make take a few goes but hopefully she’ll settle!

Original poster
Freddie15VES · 19/06/2024 22:28

not at all @Brightandbreezey it's good to be reminded sometimes that it is normal! i can’t believe how many people i speak to who don’t want to breastfeed for fear of baby being too ‘clingy’ …but it just happens that i need to go back to work as i have my own business and if i don’t go back to keep my foot in the door i may not have one to go back to! i’m a hairdresser and i have thought about possibly getting partner to bring her into me for a feed but like i say, she’ll happily have a bottle it’s just this overtiredness cycle where she will become inconsolable until she has a booby in her mouth

so little lady will have to just spend 1 day a week with dad. will definitely try the sling, even if she just has 1 really good nap in there hopefully it’ll curb the overtiredness. i’m sure spending the time together each weekend it will get easier and he does have a lot of patience it’s just on the weekend just gone she spent probably around an hour solid crying! i felt awful for him and her!

OP posts:
Susah · 19/06/2024 22:39

You are overthinking this.

Of course your 4 month old is clingy to you/ takes comfort from you.

Enjoy these tiny days as soon she'll be 1!

Aquamarine1029 · 20/06/2024 00:08

Freddie15VES · 19/06/2024 19:51

thanks both - i think we’re just conditioned to think that your baby needing/wanting you like this is a ‘bad habit’ so to speak

I genuinely have no idea what you're going on about. I have never, ever heard any such thing, ever. Infants need their mothers.

Original poster
Freddie15VES · 20/06/2024 00:19

@Aquamarine1029 oh bore off please

OP posts:
Ohlittleone · 20/06/2024 00:21

Aquamarine1029 · 20/06/2024 00:08

I genuinely have no idea what you're going on about. I have never, ever heard any such thing, ever. Infants need their mothers.

Show quote history

You're very lucky then. I've been told this loads, particularly as my baby got older and in relation to them wanting to breastfeed for comfort. I've been told I'm creating 'bad habits', exactly as the OP described.

OP, as PPs have said, it's definitely not a bad habit, it's nature. It can be hard when certain things happen in life that mean you are unable to give them that comfort, in your case during the time that you will be at work. Maybe try adding in another comfort while you breastfeed so that your DH can add try that when you are at work, using a particular blanket that has your scent or making a particular sound or motion. Over time it will get easier for you and the baby but at 4 months old baby will naturally be wanting you.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/06/2024 00:22

Freddie15VES · 20/06/2024 00:19

@Aquamarine1029 oh bore off please

No. Anyone saying an infant needing their mum is a "bad habit" needs to be challenged because it's absolutely fucking ridiculous.

Original poster
Freddie15VES · 20/06/2024 07:04

@Aquamarine1029 if you actually read what I have been saying it’s other people who mention these ‘bad habits’ I really dislike people like you on these sorts of posts. I post looking for comfort and reassurance and instead get made to feel like shit. But if it makes you feel a bit better about yourself then go for it.

OP posts:
beAsensible1 · 20/06/2024 07:10

I’d definitely try the sling if you know she’s not hungry.

also if you also wear it it might have a little bit of your smell to help her settle when you’re not around.

as others have said if you open to a dummy also use that with the sling.
at 4 months no baby is clingy but I understand wanting to ensure you’re not the only one they settle with.

Dad will have to try a few things to figure out what works for him. It might be different than what works with you.

A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 · 20/06/2024 07:22

We found (with my son and with my current baby who is four months old) that a long walk in the buggy worked to get ours to sleep without needing to breastfeed. Luckily we have a dog who loves long walks too, but that's what my partner started with as his way to soothe. They both then started settling with him with being rocked (will not do this with me). But as a PP said, your partner will develop his own ways, it just takes a little time.

Original poster
Freddie15VES · 20/06/2024 08:08

thanks @beAsensible1 @A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 it’s just good to know that it will get better. i hate the thought of her being upset when im not there. i’ve mentioned possibly this weekend when he has her to pop her in the carrier and take our 2 dogs for a long walk

OP posts:
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