Militant bottle feeder of a mother, centile charts, slow weight gain.....HELP!

[Babyisaac]

DS is 13 weeks old. Birth weight was 8lbs on the 50th centile then he dropped a lot to 7lbs 1oz on the 9th centile. Since then he hasn't lost any weight but has put on weight only gradually. He is fully bf. I feed on demand and he's perfectly happy. HV and GP happy with him, he's very strong and alert.

The problem is my mum. She ff all her babies and she doesn't really understand bf and its demands. She wants DS to pile on the weight and thinks this would be better for him. Put him on the bottle she always says. She works at a baby clinic and sees other babies his age but up to 2lbs heavier. Do heavier babies = healthier babies? I don't want to stop bf, don't see there's a need but as he only averages about 5oz per week would it be wise? Or am I just being bullied by my mum?

ignore her or tell her to butt out. I never weighed my second and third child. All the other signs are good. Baby clinics (and their experts, even if they are your mum) can do terrible things to women's confidence...

That sounds like a great weight gain to me.
Yes - you are being bullied by your mother and no a heavier baby is not therefore a healthier baby.
Don't stop b/feeding - just tell your mum that the topic is not up for discussion. Or maybe get your other half to lay down the law!

Hello

Just wanted to respond to your message. I'm not an expert on bf (I'm bf my 17 week old dd and nearly stopped 6 wks ago) but it sounds as if you are being bullied by your mum. If hv, gp, baby and you are all happy then why stop? BF is the best thing for your baby and you've done well to feed him this long!!

5oz a week is fine, I would tell your mum that she has got her facts wrong or just lie and pretend he is piling on the pounds.

Babyisaac - your mum can speak to the HVs and others at the clinic, and she will hear that 5 oz a week is a good average weight gain, and that to is very common for babies to 'catch down' to their 'natural' weight over the first weeks.

Someone will post here and say the charts are 'for formula fed babies' which is not true, as the charts are fine, and based on babies whose feeding is not differentiated. There is in any case not a great deal of difference between standard UK charts and the WHO charts which show breastfed babies only.

Beyond the first few months, though, standard UK charts apply less and less to breastfed babies, as the 'breastfed only' charts show babies from that age slowing down their weight gain.

The issue is, I'm afraid, with people who think weight is the be-all and end-all of infant health, which as you suspect is quite wrong.

In fact, babies who are heavier than they are meant to be could be storing up problems in the future.

What a shame your mum can't support you in your breastfeeding and share your joy in the health and happy development of your son. If she is 'always' saying 'put him on bottles' then yes, I do think she is bullying, and she needs to stop it. Perhaps a frank discussion with her in which you explain how disturbing and upsetting she is being will help you now and in the future.

I thought average weight gain was between 3 and 8oz per week. Sounds like your baby is doing really well - and so are you . Try and ignore your mum if you can - or get her to come to one of your HV checks so she can hear it from the horse's mouth, so to speak .

5oz/wk seems fine to me. is he still on the 9th centile? Maybe he was 'born big' ifswim, and he is naturally 9th centile size.

the centile charts are sometimes confusing. lots of people (esp mothers and their generation) think all babies should be above average wt - of course this is impossible! Half of babies will be below average wt by definition of the average. your baby sound fine.

i posted last week about my MIL constantly questioning my lo wt gain and frequency of feeds. i had some great advice and moral support from posters here. i sent my MIL a couple of articles and she understands now i think. i will find the link.

the image of chubby formula-fed babies is what everyone thinks all babies should be. no idea if there is a proven link, but we are facing an obesity epidemic...

5oz a week is great. (My dd had a long spell when she was putting on about 2/3 oz a week and was down to 0.4th centile - even at that she was fine, but I did get put under pressure to ff)

Your mum's experience of seeing babies at clinics is irrelevant in your case I'd say. Heavier definitely does not mean healthier. I mean, your ds is on the 9th centile - so of course there are babies his age who are quite a bit heavier! They're all different.

I'd go with northernlurker's suggestion, say you are happy with his weight and it's not up for discussion.

here is link to thread on my interfering MIL and good advice on dealing with it.

Ignore her. A weight gain of 5oz a week is fine if your LO is growing & developing fine. To say all babies must be at a certain weight is wrong & to be blunt it sounds like your Mum needs some more training. According to the weight chart in my red book babies at 13 weeks should be somewhere between 4.5 kg (= 9.9 lbs) on the 0.4th centile to 8.5 kg (= 18.7 lbs) on the 99.6th centile....that's a 9lb difference - not a 2lb one! Every baby is different & there is a big variation in what is "normal".

You might find the infant growth section on the kellymom site useful for countering your mums bullying:
kellymom.com/babyconcerns/growth/index.html

You are fine (well done for continuing with such a sad lack of support), your lo is fine (healthy, happy, gaining steadily), your gp is fine with his growth and development, your hv is fine with his growth development...tell her to either support you or keep her opinions to herself.

My first two babies were both 9th centile babies. One was breastfed and one bottlefed. Didn't make any difference. They were both healthy and happy.

3rd baby is huge and its rather odd, after two diddy ones. I'm not doing anything different - he is just finding his own weight, like they all do.

You are quite right, the only problem is your mum. Can you pass on a few (made-up if necessary) comments from your hv/gp about how well your baby is doing on breastmilk and how healthy he is and how its good not to be too heavy?

Is it that she would rather like to do a few feeds herself, maybe? Would handing your mum the occasional bottle of expressed milk to feed to your baby help?

4oz-8oz is 'normal' weight gain, and signs of healthiness are alertness, wet/dirty nappies, shining eyes, pink, firm skin etc etc and not chubbiness.
My dd is the opposite - born on 75th centile and quickly shot up to the 98th. HVs often reassure me that she's in proportion, not fat (which I know), but on the whole, I get admiring comments. It's weird, this preoccupation with having big, fat babies. I'm not doing anything different to you, it's just that babies have their own size. And it doesn't mean my dd will be bigger than your ds when they grow up.
Mums can't help themselves, can they?!

I think Fruitful might have hit the nail on the head..
My Mum was actually very supportive in general(bf'd herself) but babysat for 1 hour when ds was 4 days old while I went to watch my friend get married and I got home to find her making up a bottle from our "just incase" drawer, because he was "hungry". (He had been fed right up to the moment we left the house and we were home precisely 63 minutes later)She was simply desperate to feed her first grandchild herself...
...I think friutfuls suggestion of giving her a bottle of ebm is an excellent one..certainly worth a try.

There is a thread here that we, and lots of others here, are on - supporting each other with our slow weight-gaining babies. There are lots of very positive stories about our perfectly healthy-but-dinky little ones. Hope it helps

Thanks girls - feel better now! Thanks ILD for sending me the link to the slow weight gain boards - it's a real eye-opener and makes me realise it's not all about weight if our babies are happy and healthy. There seem to be quite a few people in my situation - starting off on the 50th centile and now only 2nd/9th centile. If we did switch to ff, they might pile on the pounds but it wouldn't necessarily be right for them or make them healthier!