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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Feeling so low...please tell me it gets better

8 replies

Doggomom91 · 17/06/2024 16:02

My little beautiful baby girl is 8.5 weeks old and I've never felt love like this in my life. I'm a very anxious person and I knew that becoming a mom for the first time would be no different, but I never expected the way I feel to be so extreme.

Since day one I have been questioning absolutely everything I do, writing notes in my phone about why I chose to do a certain thing to try and justify things, feeling guilty about everything and crying. I have pages and pages of notes about why I've done certain things. Just a few examples about things that have already happened that make me feel guilty and anxious; my daughter's coming home outfit not fitting and her coming home in a baby grow that was too big and probably not warm enough/not enough layers or a hat, me not sitting in the backseat with her on the way back from the hospital because for some reason getting in the back of the car was much more painful after my C-section that I had to sit in the front, potentially knocking her head on the rubber seal of the car door when bringing her home (I didn't realise at the time but my husband filmed the whole thing and I keep watching it back and sobbing), my daughter having severe nappy rash after just a week or so despite constant nappy changes due to every feed resulting in immediate poops....the list goes on.

On top of this we have had major feeding issues since day one, I wanted to breastfeed exclusively but madam had trouble latching so it resulted in combi feeding. I question everything with that too - when to top up, when not to top up, what did the health professionals say to do etc. We had hoped to be ebf by now but we are still half and half. The first few days all I did was cry about why I couldn't feed my baby. Despite being the happiest I have ever been, I was also the most anxious. We found out at 4 weeks she was tongue tied after going private as NHS refused to properly assess her. We've now had it divided as of 2.5 weeks ago but not really any further on with feeding. The fact I haven't yet been able to exclusively breastfeed has for some reason had a huge impact on my mental health and influences every aspect of my life. I can't help but think we would have been much happier if I had formula fed.

The reason I'm posting here is because I have been open about all my issues to my loved ones, and they keep telling me I'm wasting these precious weeks, that she is only a newborn once and I should make the most of it, not keep getting tearful and feeling bad. So now I feel bad about feeling bad. I know it's true and I feel like I've wasted this time and I'll never ever get it back again. We've had some lovely times too and every day I cuddle her and kiss her but so much of this time has been overshadowed by doubt.

Had anyone felt this way and how did you overcome it?

OP posts:
Aliceisagooddog · 17/06/2024 16:11

Hi there, congratulations on your baby girl!
New motherhood is a big shock. Some of the issues such as feeding can be very difficult.

Are you generally an anxious person? How do you cope day to day?
The part about rewatching the video sounds like you really could do with getting some help, you may have postnatal depression?
Please remember that your physical and mental health are so important for your whole family, so make it a priority. Also, babies are much tougher than they look!! As long as they are fed, changed and cuddled you are doing a great job!!

Doggomom91 · 17/06/2024 16:29

Aliceisagooddog · 17/06/2024 16:11

Hi there, congratulations on your baby girl!
New motherhood is a big shock. Some of the issues such as feeding can be very difficult.

Are you generally an anxious person? How do you cope day to day?
The part about rewatching the video sounds like you really could do with getting some help, you may have postnatal depression?
Please remember that your physical and mental health are so important for your whole family, so make it a priority. Also, babies are much tougher than they look!! As long as they are fed, changed and cuddled you are doing a great job!!

Hi, thanks so much for replying. I am a very anxious person and I've always had ocd tendancies but I've never been diagnosed. I have a history of depression and I can confidently say I am not depressed now, it's more anxiety/fear/panic. I have someone from the perinatal mental health team coming out on Friday and I'm hoping they can help me sort my head out. I surely need a checkup from the neck up so to speak. Despite being so self-aware about my issues it doesn't stop the doubt and guilt etc. It's so very hard 😔

OP posts:
Doggomom91 · 17/06/2024 16:39

I just want to add that I also get frustrated with the breastfeeding when baby doesn't latch but is clearly hungry. This happened the first night in hospital and I found myself saying "what's wrong with you" etc and now I feel so guilty about that too. She couldn't help it. I'm worried she will grow to resent me.

OP posts:
Aliceisagooddog · 17/06/2024 17:59

You are having completely normal reactions to your baby. Everyone gets frustrated etc. It's the overthinking that is the issue. Great that you will speak to a professional soon!
Do you try and get out for a walk everyday? This can really help yours and baby's mood.

Aliceisagooddog · 17/06/2024 18:02

Re the breastfeeding, sometimes it's just a struggle. Bottle feeding isn't the end of the world. I've had 5 kids. I couldn't feed the first or last, no idea why. They are all absolutely fine!

Sa11yCinnamon · 17/06/2024 20:37

I'm really glad you're speaking to someone from the perinatal mental health team, well done for asking for help. That's the best thing you could do for both you and your baby ❤️

In the meantime, please know that you're not alone, it is really hard. But you are doing brilliantly and it will get better xx

MumDaisy1980 · 18/06/2024 03:22

Congratulations!

I am first time mum also with a 11 week old son.

it will get better! Throughout these weeks I also had ups and downs. Particularly, beginning will feel very heartache when see the baby rash and other common baby problems.

Then I talked to my health visitor of the problems I have , I found it particular useful to change the mindset and be reminded we are just a human.

do what you can.

If trouble breastfeed today, address the problems if obvious, otherwise find expert like lactation consultant. If can’t breastfeed today, try again tomorrow. Keep trying , give time for both of you and baby to adapt.

I did have friend took two years to manage to breastfeed after all the aches and bleeding but she felt accomplished and possible despite the long journey.

follow your guts and don’t worry about what other people say to treasure the moments now. You know yourself the best, do what you think what is right and you will not regret of your actions.

i heard many people said regret about X Y Z , because they listened to the friends fam or nanny when their gut feeling questioned about it.

about the baby rash, it took us two months to see improvements!! I talked to midwife then GP then health visitors. Changed several cream and eventually settle one that works! Things will get better!

Flittingaboutagain · 18/06/2024 04:15

Congratulations on your baby girl!

Re the feeding. I had tongue tie and didn't have it done until almost 10 weeks. By then I was struggling so much so I paid to see a lactation consultant and had an NCT breastfeeding support worker come out to see me multiple times a week until I dropped the formula top ups at 12 weeks. It definitely gets better! And I'm still feeding almost three years later.

As for the questioning everything, I think that's entirely normal. Do you know that pregnancy rewires the brain to become more aware of threat? I hope the perinatal team give you some reassurance you're doing a brilliant job! I wish your family were more encouraging because they're adding to your stresses a lot it seems by telling you you're wrong to feel as you do.

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