Struggling with slow letdown leading to breast refusal

[Ihatewinding]

So I have a nearly 4 month who is EBF and lately has started to get really frustrated and go off the boob since my letdown has slowed down.

My letdown is still pretty much the same sensation, which I feel as intense tingling and fullness for a few seconds, and then I see him start to take proper swallows and he's much more settled and stops fighting the breast.

However it seems to be taking longer to come, even 2+ minutes. It used to be one feed which usually had a shorter interval since the previous and is the one after he has his omeprazole dose (he has reflux). Now it's happening for more feeds and I'm not sure if it's as I'm now more stressed about him rejecting the breast or my supply is dropping due to the breast refusal.

So he really hates when it takes time and will pull on and off the nipple and then when the milk doesn't come he just outright refuses to latch again. He now gets resistant to being put into our usual feeding position and cries. Then if can get him to latch and no immediate letdown he just pushes away.

I think it is defo to do with the letdown as I've tried experimenting by pumping to get letdown and latching him straight after and his feeding is much much better (once he realises the milk is there and starts swallowing). Prior to that I was having to compress my breast with one hand, jiggle him to keep him on the nipple sucking, and sometimes even stand up blasting white noise to keep him on the breast until letdown. Then could relax and stop all these measures once I letdown and he starts swallowing, which adds to the evidence it is a slow letdown issue.

Now I'm really starting to struggle feeding him, even worse in public, due to the above palaver, especially as I'm more anxious so takes even longer. He hates the breastfeeding cover but I feel unless completely private area I have to use it as he's bobbing on and off so much and drawing attention with the kicking off. It's not just in public though, even at home when I'm alone with no distractions he still does this faffing.

I have a double electric hands on pump (Spectra S1) so can use this at home, but I'm thinking of getting a small single wearable electric pump just to get letdown (so can still get out and about and be more relaxed about the slow letdown if can use it discreetly then just latch him on). At least until what I hope is just a phase is over.

For background I did have oversupply and fast letdown until my supply regulated so was probs used to this.
He does have a slightly reattached tongue tie (had done twice) so latch isn't perfect but don't want to get redone again as had severe oral aversion after the tie revised, and his function is much better than it was.
He has never had bottle and I think if he had even one he would never go back to the breast tbh.

Any recommendations on a single discreet pump for use in public (to kickstart letdown only)? Would be under a cover but might be holding the baby so easy to use single handed ideal.

And any other advice/solutions?

I used Nubbys pump as with my first DS I had very low supply and he was very inpatient and hungry.
The trick was to hold him squished against me like a rugby ball and use both hands to make pumping work if in public.
He made drama anyway as he wanted food there and now. He also refused formula if I was pumpimg as my milk smelled better. Once he got ot he was happy to top up with formula 🤷🏼‍♀️

Good luck, inpatient babies are not easy at all!

Do you have a haakaa? Would it have sufficient suction to stimulate a letdown.

I know it must be annoying but at least you know what the issue is. I guess you might spot hunger cues before he is desperate and stick the haakaa or pump on. For your issue I think a basic manual pump would be okay.

For privacy in public you could try changing rooms in clothes shops so you wouldn’t need the cover. My friend bought me a lovely patterned cover but my baby was having none of it.

I’ve never felt a letdown so don’t know if you can help it along in any way (like when pumping people say look at your baby or a video of then being super cute).

Thank you for your replies!

So a Haaka isn't enough suction to get full letdown, neither is hand expressing, though he is less frustrated after trying as there is a bit more flow but nowhere near as good as when I use the pump. Also when hand expressing it goes in all directions so would prefer a pump that at least contains it!

Agree if I try earlier sometimes he is less impatient/more likely to keep trying longer but can be worse also, then I can wonder if he's so annoyed because he's not actually that hungry that he doesn't want to work for it that much 🙈 or if it's that there's less milk as not been as long, etc. so that's why is slower so could it be worth waiting longer instead?

Might stick with places that have feeding areas or changing rooms like suggested but it's so limiting, I want to go out for lunches with friends on mat leave! That tends to be the most stressful as chairs less comfy and lots of noise so added distraction and audience.

I've tried deep breathing and focusing on baby and currently limiting public feeding as much as possible but not always feasible due to appointments and social commitments. Having to ration how many times I leave the house in the week gets me down ngl. I do notice if have been out more and more poorer feeds then his nappies get lighter as well. When I had a time before my sister's wedding when I was having to go out lots over a couple of weeks to try find a dress and shoes, his weight gain dropped as well. So keen to find a solution for public feeding as defo will end up with PND if I'm housebound just to maintain weight and reduce additional stress 😢 neither does my supply any favours either.

Will have another look at manual pumps, had thought electric would be less faff and easier but I'm willing to try anything to see if helps.

Need to try get to a breastfeeding group as well.

My advice is to go back to your breastfeeding support group or lactation consultant and seek their advice. At the moment you're making a lot of assumptions as an adult, about what's going on and why from the perspective of a baby, some of which might be wrong and leading you towards unnecessarily and harmful actions.