"Never wake a sleeping baby" or "Feed every 4 hrs - wake them if you have to!!!!"

[Paranoid1stTimer]

While in hospital i had one MW tell us to wake LO every 4 hrs and breast feed them for as long as they wanted to feed. We were to undress them, change their nappy, dress them again and feed. A couple of nights later, another MW advised to feed only on demand and "never wake a sleeping baby" or you would have hell to pay cos they wouldnt settle...

What is the general consensus on this one? Since we got home I have been feeding "on demand" which can be very often during the night and every 3-4 hrs during the day. LO sleeps lots during day but not well at night - we have been advised he is only 2 wk old so routines are not relevant now - to let him and us recover from the birth and just get to know him, feeding on demand.

Thanks again - this is all brilliant for me to read. I don't feel like giving up now.... I will persevere and try some of the ideas above.

Thanks too for the back up on the in laws side of things. They really seem to hate me just now!!! I feel too that if they found out I was struggling they would have a field day. It is hard enough dealing with the "baby blues" without this sh!t too!!!!

Your IL's are ignorant. That should be their problem, not your's. Sounds like you are doing a brilliant job of ignoring them.

Oh that's made me think of my favourite saying: just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean people AREN'T out to get you!

Sod your ILs. Don't ever take advice on bf from people who haven't been able to make it work for themselves, or from people who've never tried it. Make it a rule. Tell your inlaws.

Paranoid - Ikwym re not wanting people to know if you are struggling. I got thrush about 3 weeks in, got it sorted fairly easily but DH was under strict instructions not to mention to ILs who seemed determine to find fault with bfeeding at every turn.

Glad you are feeling better, my DS fed v.regularly night and day to begin with and it was a shock to the system but it does settle down and I really love it now and I am so glad that I persevered. There is something very liberating about ignoring all the doom merchants ("you are making a rod for your own back etc etc)and just responding to your baby as you see fit. DS is thriving and content, I have lost all my baby weight and he sleeps for 8 hours at night (19 weeks). Good luck.

I would only wake a baby to feed them if there was a very good reason.
Eg DD2 lost too much weight during her first week, so I was told to feed her every four and then every three hours and then we ended up going back to hospital because she was quite jaundiced. But once she recovered and was gaining weight we went back to feeding on demand and she's growing well.

I would agree that once breastfeeding is established and your baby is growing, follow the baby's lead - LO will let you know how much they need.

With DD1 the midwife made me write down feeding times for a few days because I couldn't tell her how often and how long she was feeding.

For extra reassurance have the baby weighed regularly - visiting baby clinic is a good opportunity to get out of the house and chat to other mums.

Don't worry too much about your in-laws - hopefully they'll come round once they see how LO is thriving. If not - you're doing what's best for your baby and that is what matters.
Maybe you could find some other area where you can take advice from them?
DD always suffered from lots of "wind" whenever the ILs visited. Maybe I was just thick, but I never noticed any problems there - any unhappiness could usually be dispelled with a quick bf. But I let them fuss over her and carry her around stroking her back - they just like to feel they can help.

Also - make the most of using BF to escape from them - with DD1 feeding times were a very good opportunity to give myself and baby a break/time to ourselves when things got a bit overwhelming.

Oh I'm in the never wake a sleeping baby camp but my two fed really well and gained weight. I guess you'd have to try it if they weren't thriving. But I'd really try to avoid it!

Hi Paranoid, and congrats on your LO!

Have you read about the idea of a Babymoon?

This is where you get everyone else - esp inlaws who want to "help" - to take care of all the day to day stuff so you can just concentrate on the baby.

Ie - they cook, clean, empty bins, do laundry and bring you things while you (and DH if poss) feed, snooze with, bathe, wind, change and cuddle the baby. If it were me I'd camp out in bed for this, only leaving to bathe, but thats a matter of preference. The idea is to take some of the pressure of being a new mum off, and to have some time to simply enjoy and get to know your baby..

I'm would never wake a sleeping baby to feed, but then my two always woke up without fail! I'm a very routine-y person, but with a baby I feel you need to demand feed. If you like routines have a bath time routine, sleep routine etc but personally I think babies need demand feeding. HTH

I think it's a good idea to wake them rather than letting them go without a feed for hours during the day. I often found with my ds that he'd sleep for 5 hours in the afternoon and then be up for a feed every 2 hours all night!

I was advised to wake every 4 hours, as you were, same routine and everything, and to be honest, as a first time mum with no idea what I was doing, it was good to have a routine to follow. I remember once, in hosp (DD was in transitional care ward for 5 days, low birth weight) after two days I think, I slept through the 4 hours, think it was like 6 hours, and panicked! It was so regimented I thought I had done something wrong! LOL.

DD did need it I think though as she was a low birth weight, and by the time we left 7 days later she had lost no weight at all. She then settled into her own routine by then also of every 3-5hours and I was less precious about missing the time. I did continue with the routine of undress, change feed (tummy time) and then redress.

And agree with many posts here, after the initial days/weeks, I never woke her for a feed, as I knew then that she would wake when she was hungry and eat as much as she wanted then (and my milk supply was sufficient by that stage).

Wake in the daytime. Do not touch at nighttime and indeed thank your lucky stars if they are sleeping through the night.

Just wanted to add that I BF on demand and it did seem like that was just all i did sometimes - however, i felt more comfortable doing that - it just seemed the right thing to me. I was lucky to have supportive people around me, because it was very hard at first, but DS is now 15 months and still BF'ing which i am very proud of, and he is a happy, healthy little boy!
I tried to dream feed once but he just cried and then wouldn't settle so I only did it that one time.
I'd echo all the other advice that you need to do what is right for you and your little one, and if that is to let them feed on demand then do it, and ignore any negative comments, just think about what an amazing thing you are doing for your child.

With DD1 I read a lot of books, and tried a lot of different things to help her to sleep well. Including but not limited to, waking for a dream feed, feeding to sleep, not feeding to sleep but putting down awake, sshing and patting, pick up put down, co sleeping, oh you name it, really. She's still a rubbish sleeper, although to be fair I reckon she would have had problems anyway without my "help".

With DD2 I've done nothing, just let her get on with it and she sleeps really well.

So I'm with the "don't mess with the sleeping baby" camp. At least as far as night time sleep is concerned.

Its true that newborns need to feed very regularly. But I think that if they're gaining weight well, and producing wet and dirty nappies regularly then you can let them feed when and for as long as they want..

Oh and the other thing I've learned from my 2 DDs is that all babies really are different and what might work for one won't necessarily work for another!

I am a real routine kind of person but with both my babies I fed on demand and never woke them. As they got older I gently steered them towards some kind of vaguely predictable pattern.
But what I really wanted to say was don't let the negative attitude of the people around you put you off breastfeeding. You have made a great decision and you should only stop if it is right for you and your baby. Good luck, keep going.

Went with the flow. Slept through for the first time at six weeks - but i know i was lucky. I ate loads of fennel, helped improve my milk flow. To begin with i was feeding loads, but this very quickly reduced over six weeks, and my baby dictated the routine, but it was some slightly variable routine. His weight gain was great, he never lost weight in the first few weeks, but again, this is more unusual.

My second baby slept a lot. He was very alert when awake but slept for nearly all the first six weeks and a lot of the next six. I had to lie to the MWs that he was feeding more often than every three hours. He pretty much fed every four hours from the word go. I tried waking, I tried feeding in his sleep, but if I gave him a feed he deemed "extra" he either sicked it up or then tried to go five hours before he was fed again. That I couldn't accept as OK!

Fortunately I had MIL at hand to say her first had slept and fed only every four hours too. She thought that was what babies did and she didn't know what everyone fussed about . You'll be pleased to know he made up for his easy first weeks by being a very active baby and toddler although he does like to eat more often than every four hours now.

I did get lots of breastfeeding advice though, to check there was nothing wrong as it really goes against the grain to feed so rarely. So sometimes it can be OK but you do need to be careful if they don't feed much. Mine slept, but was never really a "sleepy" baby, IYKWIM.

Hi - for what it's worth, I'm with the 'don't wake them' camp, especially during the night. Having said that if your baby is exceptionally sleepy then I would certainly wake them to feed during the day (my baby had jaundice for 9 weeks and so I fed him every 2 hours and woke him if needed but only during the day - he'd go 3 -4 hours during the night so didn't really need to).

As for the in-laws - well, is it possible that they weren't able to breastfeed their children?? Some women who didn't manage/try it for whatever reason sometimes get very jealous of women who do (ime). It'd only make me more determined to continue!!

I always fed on demand. Mind you, I never had to consider waking my DS as he wanted feeding every 2-3 hours anway, day and night!

I certainly wouldn't withold a feed from a hungry baby, just because it was "too soon". A friend of mine did that - tried to make her DS go 4 hours between feeds. All that resulted was a miserable baby, and her breast milk never got properly established so she had to give up breastfeeding.

Hi paranoid sounds like you're doing great! i got lots of conflictind advice too and was convinced I didn't have enough milk for my dd. she slept for 6 hr stretches at night from early on becuase she was so worn out with colic all day and eve. I never knew whether to wake her or not.

In the end I fed totally on demand which meant some days feeding almost constantly but she soon started only waking up once per night at 2/3 am then sleeping til 7ish. This was just my lo though, they're all different. the thing with my dd is the daytime feeds were exhausting especially in the pm she fed every 1.5 hours or so! but hey, she slept at night!

i think it's worth finding out from a trusted bf counsellor or health professional (hard to find sometimes!) what to do in the early days if they sleep for more than 4 hours but aside from that i think demand is the way forward, both for your lo and your own supply. Some babies settle into a routine at about 3 months or so some take longer.

Rachel and at your friend witholding a feed from a baby because they hadn't gone the "correct" time between feeds. This just goes to show how misguided and potentially dangerous these "experts" with their routines can be.

I really don't get this "feed 4 hourly" thing. Why 4 hours? Who decided that a baby needs feeding every 4 hours? I drink more than every 4 hours and my stomach is a LOT bigger than a newborn's!

I believe whether breast or formula feeding you should demand feed. If a baby is healthy, gaining weight and not jaundiced I wouldn't necessarily wake them to feed but I wouldn't let a very young baby go more than 4-5 hours without a feed. (Mind you mine didn't go that long until they were older anyway).

My friend's sister is now really struggling with trying to bf her 3 week old as a HV told her the baby should be going 4 hourly between feeds now and not to feed her in between just swaddle her. I can't believe such tripe is still being touted to vulnerable new mums and babies.

New mums getting this sort of advice (feed every 4 hours) makes me very cross . Just causes all kinds of needless stress for baby and parents.

my LO was teeny tiny when born and in the first 4 days he had to be bfed every 2 hours. after that i had to wake and feed him every 3. was advised not to miss a feed for a few weeks. After a few weeks (probably as a result of the feeding every 3 hours), DS happily fell into a 3 hour routine of his own.

I think it totally depends on your bubs weight/ health etc.

How are you getting on Paranoid?