Please held with breastfeeding, 9 days

[neverhadtopickausernamebefore]

I have a 9 day old baby and am failing quite miserably at breastfeeding. I (and the midwives) supplemented with formula after my c section as despite successfully latching in recovery, she seemed to struggle afterwards and was screaming incessantly. Since then I have 'supplemented' with formula as since being home she will latch, but seems to be getting very little milk from me and even after several hours of breastfeeding on and off, will still scream with hunger & will only settle & sleep after a bottle of formula. I think I have seriously compromised my milk supply due to this and I don't know how to fix it at this point. I'm finding it very upsetting and feel like I'm failing my baby.

There is milk there as I can hand express a few drops, but when I pump (MAM electric pump) i get very, very little, maybe 5mls in total after pumping 15 mins on each side. Seems pointless.

Like I said, my baby will latch, sometimes for quite a while but never seems full/satisfied, even after literally hours of feeding on and off. However, she often just falls asleep after a few seconds despite being screaming hungry just before. I tickle her to try to rouse her, swap sides, etc, but eventually she screams with hunger & i give her a bottle. The midwives at the hospital seemed happy with her latch, it doesn't hurt, but I cannot hear her swallowing like I can when she feeds from the bottle. Sometimes nipple us a little wedge shaped after but not always. She's drinking around 4 bottles of 90ml formula daily, she is basically fully formula fed at this point despite hours of daily 'breastfeeding'. I've tried for the past two days to just feed her whenever she stirs for as long as she wants but this seems to have made no difference. I've tried to give minimal formula, but yesterday she only did one poo whereas she was having around 6 a day the day before. Plenty of wet nappies, but I'm worried I'm now starving my baby. I really don't know what to do and each day that passes I know I'm less likely to be able to bring it back & establish a fully supply. I really don't know what to do.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Deep breath. You're not starving her or failing her, you're doing your best and your baby is getting food. You're doing what you need to do.

Remember that even tiny amounts of breast milk will carry immune support for the baby. Every drop is helpful.

In your shoes I'd find a lactation consultant and follow advice, or if that's a financial stretch then la leche league or local breastfeeding group might be able to help.

If it doesn't work out, don't beat yourself up. I was in your shoes after c section when dd was born 7 years ago. We got there with bf in the end but the whole thing dominated those first few months and looking back, I wonder if I should have gone with formula and avoided the stress.

I think you should persevere and throw everything at it if it's important to you, so it'll either work out or you'll know you did all you could - if bf doesn't work out, you've still got a lovely baby. Remember you start weaning them at 6 months anyway. It won't seem so important in retrospect.

The kellymom website is excellent too

OP, i have been in exactly your position. As per a pp advice, after struggling on for 7 weeks with advice from drop in clinics, midwives, health visitors etc, i paid for a private lactation consultant. She diagnosed a 90% tongue tie, which was divided yesterday and within 24hrs, DD2 is taking so much more milk already. Its unbelievable that noone picked it up earlier. So if you can afford it, i really recommend it. You can search by postcode on the IBCLC website.

@NoCloudsAllowed comment is absolutely spot on.

Just to add breastfed babies do poo a lot less than formula fed. DS2 once went nearly two weeks while exclusively breastfed, apparently as long as there are plenty of wet nappies and they're not in any discomfort it's fine.

You are absolutely not failing her.

I remember how fraught everything felt at your stage. What you're doing - triple feeding is gruelling.

You are absolutely not failing her.

Definitely look up local breastfeeding support - The Breastfeeding Network and La Leche International. Ask your midwife/HV to be referred to feeding specialists. Also ask for a tongue tie assessment (you can also do this privately)

Have a look at Olivia Hinge, and Lucy Webber Feeding support on insta

Days 9-11 were a very low point for me due to feeding so I completely understand your feelings of despair and upset. You are doing an amazing job and as a pp said, even a small amount of breast milk is beneficial.

Our situation was due to tongue tie and yours may be too. Ask for the contact details of the feeding specialist midwife in your area (or whoever runs the tongue tie service). While waiting for it to be snipped (delays due to Covid) I used formula and pumped regularly to keep up my supply.

Note that expressing/breast feeding overnight is particularly important in establishing milk supply in the first couple months. Also, I was told the actual amount I expressed didn't reflect my milk supply that the baby could get - expressing was as much about stimulation of the nipples in terms of getting supply established.

The kellymom website that a pp mentioned is excellent, I learnt a lot from it. And despite our very rocky start, I ended up breastfeeding for 15 months. So please don't feel a failure just because it's not working right now. And if you need to use formula don't feel guilty, you are not letting baby down.

You're not failing her. She is fed, and ultimately that is the most important thing.

However, if breastfeeding is important to you, and it sounds like it is, and if you can afford it, then a lactation consultant is the way forward. Mine was absolutely wonderful, diagnosed and snipped a tongue tie that the midwives swore blind wasn't there, was hugely helpful with positioning and latch, and also put me in touch with local breastfeeding groups.

Bf was really hard for me with ds, very very hard work but it worked in the end,it felt like forever though. Can't remember how long. But there is the payoff of no getting up to make bottles!
I never could express massive amounts but I didn't have one of those big electric pumps which I heard made a huge difference.
Breast milk is so different to formula ftom what I heard. Not quite quite chalk and cheese but yours is homemade on a small scale.
Good luck and whatever happens will be for the best. Happy calm mother is also important!

Thank you all. I'm crying now. It's upset me a lot more than I thought it would, I thought i would try my best and if it didn't work I would formula feed, but I'm so disappointed in myself. I will look into all of your suggestions, thank you.

Take care OP, I've never ever felt as vulnerable as I did in those few weeks, absolutely breakable.
But don't worry, all shall be well, just do what you can and none of it is a test of love, just a test of luck and your situation; sone women definitely find it easier than others and some cannot bf at all. None of them love their babies any less or more.
Look after yourself and then you'll know what you can do. You and your baby are a unique combo 💕

Please be as kind as you can to yourself. I cried so much in those first couple of weeks from the hormones as well as BF difficulties and then things didn't resolve for us really until after six months, even after two TT releases. I didn't realise I would be hugely emotionally invested and I totally felt I was letting my baby down. She's doing really well now and it's all faded but you're just in the eye of the storm. I completely agree that the money for an IBCLC is completely worth it, mine was the only reason we were able to continue BF. I also spoke to the national breastfeeding on FB messenger many times. But if you can't for whatever reason, you're really really not failing. You're doing everything you can for your little one because you're a good mum, and that will be true whether BF or FF or combi.

You're not failing your baby, you're doing your best. I felt the same when I was breastfeeding and in the end I had to combi feed cos my milk supply was never enough. My baby would cry constantly cos he was hungry and he lost too much weight during the first week. I eventually saw an amazing midwife who talked me through combi feeding and advised me to top up every breastfeed with formula based on DS weight. At that age I think it was a 3oz bottle after each breastfeed to get his weight back up.
Speak to your health visitor if you can and ask about combi feeding. It worked for me until DS was 5 months. It's easier said than done but don't be too hard on yourself. Breastfeeding is bloody hard work and sometimes it just doesn't work well for some mums.

As so many others have already said @neverhadtopickausernamebefore, this is a crazy time for your hormones, combined with tiredness and all the rest of it. Please don't beat yourself up. I exclusively BF my eldest until she was six months and then for another two years after, but I found the first few weeks harrowing and genuinely more exhausting than anything else ever in my life. With my second baby I chose to combi-feed from the get-go and found that so much better for my body and my sanity. I felt some guilt, but have myself a good talking to and reminded myself that I was doing my best and that she was fed, which was what mattered.

Do look into tongue-tie, it's not an area that I have any experience with, but I've had several friends whose babies had it and getting it snipped made all the difference. And please try to remember that you're doing so well. Good luck.

It sounds normal to me op. I got readmitted on day 4 due to loss of weight in ds and was put on a feeding plan. We were in hospital for 3 days and then I had to keep up the feeding plan going forwards until he fed properly from me. It tools weeks.

Stuck with it and your hard work will be rewarded. I know it is so hard but just keep trying on the breast initially, then feed with pumped milk and a tip up of formula.

You will get there.

Congratulations on your new arrival. It can be so tough those first few weeks. You're recovering from major surgery, your hormones are all over the place and you're learning this new skill and it's bloody hard.

You've had some really good advice already. I really would look at getting some well trained support. If your hospital has an infant feeding team this may be a good place to start. If you can't see baby swallowing (big jaw drop down after a few sucks) then it's possible she's just not transferring milk well and you need to know why. This video is quite good at showing a good swallow from about 2:10.

In terms of supply, expressing overnight will help establish a good supply in those first few weeks. With your pump it may be that the flange is the wrong size. If its too big or too small for your nipple then it's not going to get much. You may find it easier to hand express. Have baby close or even in skin to skin when you express to help the milk flow.

Congratulations on your new arrival - and on doing so well to care for her. ❤️ The first two weeks are so very rough and you're doing amazing even trying to breastfed - every drop counts.

Echoing what everyone is saying about a lactation consultant - they saved my breastfeeding journey at the two week mark. If this is unavailable to you the la leche league are a fantastic voluntary organization you can reach out too for support.

To try boost your supply I'd recommend snuggling up with your little one & doing skin to skin as much as you can. Drink plenty of water, rest as much as you can, and try keep the healthy foods up. If you can, try offering breast before bottle and make sure you're doing paced bottle feeding with a slow flow nipple. It's easier for babies to chug from a bottle than a boob!

If baby is getting disinterested at the breast before a full feed, try massaging the boob while they're feeding to get more milk out for her - it can speed things up a bit. Or swap positions - this used to trick my son into getting a full feed if he was getting fussy before he was finished.

It's totally normal for them to spend hours on the boob at this stage, and eventually this will calm down. Plus pumping isn't indicative of supply at all. Pumps aren't as effective as baby at removing milk, often need specialist flange sizes to work well, and don't cause the hormonal let down reaction the same way babies do. If you can, I'd leave the breast pump alone for a while until you have a routine established. If you're feeling full while baby is taking a bottle, the haaka is a less stress option.

Hope some of this works for you - and that you can see how proud you should be for bringing this life into the world & doing your very best by then!

OP the mere fact that you're worried shows that you are a loving caring mum.

Don't forget what you have just gone through, it's very early days and you are both learning still.

Maybe a different position would help? Are you eating enough? Getting enough fluids?

I had problems feeding my DD now 5. She was tongue tied, but I felt such a pressure (only brought on from myself) it made me ill.

If you decide to persevere, or if you switch to the bottle as long as your little one is fed all be well. X

Hi, no advice on feeding but I just wanted to send a message of support. I had a really tough time with breastfeeding my first. I was utterly exhausted from birth (no sleep for 3 days) and blood loss, and completely overwhelmed by the whole thing. He fed constantly and I was so sore, he lost loads of weight and looked like such a sad little skinny thing. I hated breastfeeding. Before birth I always thought I’d just give it a go and move to formula if I didn’t enjoy it, but then found myself struggling. We switched fully to formula by week 4 and I also felt like an absolute failure. You are not. You’re not failing at anything, you’re a good mum! It took me a good while to feel ok with formula feeding and to shift the guilt I felt about it. But he was such a happy healthy boy once he had a full tummy and we couldn’t have a better bond. Whatever the outcome remember that your baby loves you because you’re you, not the way you feed them. As others have said get as much support as you can and this too shall pass ❤️

How are you today OP? I hope you are doing ok with your little one.